Annoying FIL, i am gonna loose my sh**!!!

I would probably say something like, "Please stop blackmailing him to get kisses and cuddles. This could affect him emotionally in the future and teach him that to get that gift, he has to sell his body. You have to ask him for a kiss and him to come to you willingly".

Hopefully, once your FIL stops to think, he will stop doing it.

Stand up for your child. Stop letting this man be so manipulative and selfish. If it causes a problem then so be it, that's on him, not you. I'd be cutting contact with someone behaving like that around children, it's emotional blackmail and demanding physical affection from a child as an adult is creepy as fuck.

Both you and your husband need to deal with this because it shows your child that their boundaries aren't being respected. If FiL has a tantrum, leave him to it.

What a pathetic knobhead he is 😡
Totally understand your rage here OP 💐

Keep addressing it. Then when your visit/their visit is over your DH needs to phone and have a serious word. Using examples. It's emotional blackmail. That and you don't visit next visit

I appreciate being assertive, setting boundaries and insisting that people respect them can feel uncomfortable but by avoiding feeling that discomfort yourselves, you and your husband are passing the discomfort to your child. He will be aware of the cruelty of your FILs comments regardless that they are excused as “jokes”. He will also be aware that you have stood by and allowed FIL to continue and not protected him.

Bite the bullet and do what is best for your child before he grows to believe he must accept people, even family, can treat him badly and he isn’t worth more than that.

With the Paw Patrol example, I'd call him out, but again speaking directly to your DS. "DS, Grandad is joking, he is not going to be watching Paw Patrol. He's being mean, saying that, because he thinks it's funny. Don't worry, no one is watching Paw Patrol without you."

I dislike this kind of "humour", too. Every time a grandparent does it, I say directly to my child, "Grandad is joking, DS". I don't agree with other posters who say you should pretend to misunderstand and follow through (e.g. when he says they are leaving, say ok and arrange that). I actually think that would be very damaging to your DS. He will feel responsible for Grandad leaving, as that's how the whole scenario will have been presented. That's horrible for a kid.

But you’re letting him guilt trip and blackmail your child instead? OP, you and your partner are the parents. Protect your child from this kind of treatment!

What a knob that's incredibly trying. I think you also deal with it politely every time. Just say to DS 'no Gramdad will not being with paw Patrol' 'no you do not have to touch anyone you don't want to DS, why don't you blow Grandad a kiss from here'. It's like DOUBLE parenting, since you have to deal with DS and his infantile Grandfather. Who sounds like he already has form for emotional blackmail!

Hey FIL give ds back the toy please, he doesn't have to kiss or cuddle anyone he doesn't want to.
FIL stop winding ds up and act your age.
FIL if you want to go home you're welcome to.

Let him blow up and guilt trip and cut contact, thats not your problem. Keep in touch with MIL via text and keep her updated as she might want to maintain the relationship.

I'd take ds and go and stay with your mum for the duration. Make it clear to your dh and to pil why you are going away.

That would infuriate me. If he kept deliberately upsetting my kid, I'd think I'd just get angry and (unless it's really going to upset the kid more) make him sort it out: "You teased him on purpose. You calm him down, grandad!" Let him deal with the consequences of his actions. Otherwise, make your husband do it. It's his family causing the issues.

Your FIL is a toxic bully.
This will be a pattern of behaviour that will cause awful distress to your child as he grows.
He won't understand why his grandfather causes him this distress and it will cause awful confusion in him.

He is a freak.
A bully.
Personality disorder.
He gets his kicks out of winding up and upsetting people and then turns into a controlling bully if challenged.

This is not someone you want around your children.

At the very very least limit contact dramatically.
Visiting you for a week is a disaster, far too long.
They should not be staying with you.
Make that your boundary.

So he's holding MIL like he holds DS's toys to control behaviour?

Yes, it's OK to cut him off. With mine, who behaves like this in SIL's house, I told him, I told DH and I said that if he emotionally hurt my child he would never set foot in my house as long as I lived there.

He behaves in my house.

You cannot give in to the bullshit or it motivates them. Take assertiveness class if you must. But hold your boundaries.

You might as well speak your mind now before a massive fall out occurs. He might still go home but is that any loss?
"FIL,
Stop the teasing and saying do xyz or I will go home. Do you realise how many times you say that? DS might call your bluff.
Stop saying you'll watch Paw Patrol, it's unkind and we are trying to settle him to sleep.
Stop generally winding him up, it's not funny, it's irritating and mean to a little boy.

Yes it’s ok to cut him completely. Please don’t teach your son to overrule his boundaries, it’s what people do grooming.

How is your DS dealing with the teasing?

Can you have a word with MIL alone and explain that FIL way of communicating with DS is upsetting him. I'm sure it's not meant to and he probably thinks it's lighthearted teasing. Tell her that DS won't want to spend time with Grandad if he keeps on. Hopefully she'll speak to him and get him to pipe down!

Fil dont be mean to ds

FIL. That is mean, dont say that

DS. Dont listen to fil, he is being mean

DS. Fil doesnt want to play with you right now, come and play with me

DS dont listen to fil, he must be grumpy and need a nap

and then dont engage on the whys and wherefores while ds is there, if fil has a fit, tell him you will talk about it later when ds is in bed…and then tell him he is acting like a brat with his grandson and ds is still too little to understand sarcasm and jokes

Come the fuck on, you and your husband aren't "stuck" anywhere. Grow a backbone and protect your child from this idiot's teasing and bullying. You're a grown-up in your own home, act like it. Tell this twat he can either behave or leave.

Then he should be protecting his child from behaviour I bet he experienced as a child.

Then get Dh to step up. Forgive me, but he sounds like a wet lettuce.