To think my colleague is being creepy?

It took 6 posts.

As I have now read all of the replies on this thread and seen several posts asking if this person is ND, I am beginning to wonder if this is typical behaviour from someone who is ND.

However, asking about medical details was way OTT and she should be pulled up on this.

The reason (whether nosiness, nastiness, boredom or neurodivergence) is somewhat irrelevant as the behaviour isn't ok.

I would start to limit the information they can see in your calendar. I would also have a word with them or if more appropriate ask their line manager too. If it continued it would be reasonable to get more heavy handed. It's not acceptable for someone to police another employees day in this way.

I get it - it’s awful.

I think if you are calling it out on the spot and they still persist then you can raise it more formally with them.

Next time they do it, do you have a private space that you can immediately take them “for a quick word”.

Depending on the type of work environment etc I’d maybe focus on

• The disruption to the team when they loudly start asking questions
• the privacy of those they are asking questions about (you can even say “I see it comes from a place of care, however if someone wants to share they will).
• the fact that they are looking at the car park/your calendar rather than focusing on the task at hand.

They sound like a busy body, I worked with one years ago and replied to all questions with "Why?" which eventually pissed then off enough to shut them up 😁.

I’ve worked with two people like this (both same as you - I managed them).

One was ND (very obviously) the other just nosy - though both focused on colleagues rather than me personally so it was easier to deal with to be honest.

However the approach I took was to say something immediately - every time. Far easier than letting it go and trying to tackle it later.

”why is x not in today” -
me: that’s X’s business”.

“why is y in the car park”
“Maybe stop looking out the window and crack on with (whatever they should have been doing”

“why were you at the drs”
“that’s private”

I know it sounds like treating someone like a child, but when they’re acting like one you just have to be matter of fact. Appreciate this is far harder when the object of interest is you though.

It might be that she wants to know how things work, and hold concern for others, but there are different ways of expressing it. If she is as the OP describes, she's just nosy. Either way, she needs a word, either just to stop, or to learn there are different ways of doing things, finding put about the business.

I had a colleague like this and I'm pretty sure she was neuro divergent. She always noticed if something was different from normal, I think because of a fixation on routine and habit. She would question everything on that basis.

Asking about your medical appts is WAY over the line and I don't understand why you haven't pulled them up on it

Benefit of the doubt:

Interested in learning how management do things, wanting to progress.
Concerned for wellbeing of somebody having a presumably private conversation, possibly upset and thinking that they might need some support or sympathy, whether from her or from another manager.
Being observant, making conversation, wanting to know what behaviours/hours are expected of management with a view to progression.
Concerned for your wellbeing, thinking they might be able to help/be more supportive of you.

No benefit of the doubt:

Office policeman or just being nosey.

They sound nosy. I’ve worked with people like this including a woman who practically lunged at my PC once when I’d logged into my bank account 😂I’d lock them out of your diary so they can only see when you’re busy or free. Any time they made a comment about my arrival time etc, I’d reply ‘what’s it got to do with you, nose almighty?’ Or similar with a little laugh to try and keep it light. Hopefully you drawing attention to the fact you think they’re nosy will make them bite their tongue in future.

I think this person is neurodiverse

Regardless, she shouldn't be asking other people about OP's private medical information

Are you able to restrict your calendar to just show availability rather than full meeting details?

Definitely do this.

It's none of their business why you or any other colleague went to the GP. (I know my line manager was at the dentist this morning, but it was because I had asked or spied on him.)

It's none of their business why you have particular meetings or anything. If you have information to share, you will do; if you need to ask others for input, you will do.

It's none of their business why a director might be on the phone for so long. It might be work stuff, it might be a problem with their house, or child, or arranging a day out - who knows? Who cares? If it's something others need to know, then no doubt it will come out in time.

They're almost being stalkerish.

Maybe she just asks a lot of questions.
Maybe you're not the same so don't understand her!

If they are your direct report, tell them that this behaviour is not acceptable and ask them to stop. If they are not, report them to you manager (or their manager) and escalate to HR if that's required.

If they are doing this with everyone, it's possible they are ND.

Can you lock them entirely from your calendar? Also, when they ask about your meetings, I would tell them it's not their concern. It sounds as though you need to get control back from this busy body.

Sounds like they're a nosy busybody.

Ask them why they feel it's their business to ask personal questions.

If you’re their manager then you can absolutely call them out on this. Mention that others in the office have noticed it too, and that they need to focus more on their own work and not what everyone else is doing.