On the verge of divorce over relocating AIBU?

but in 10 years we could own a property in the countryside (you gain right to buy social housing after 5 years)

Yes job prospects for me would be good, and him - there are other minimum wage nhs jobs im sure.

Wow. I hope he wises up soon.

If we move, yes - short term unheaval - but in 10 years we could own a property in the countryside (you gain right to buy social housing after 5 years)

Are you sure about that?

How far away is the new area from where you currently live?

OP, do address the controlling in laws though. Do they have a key to the house?

As a two income family are you sure you would be eligible for social housing?

The wait-list difference between the two areas is 2 years. Are you seriously considering ending your marriage because of 2 years or is there more going on?

I mean, you could put your name on the list. But I think that very few people get housed in spacious rural properties that have gardens suitable for chickens! With what appears to be 2 boys close in age, you'd probably be offered a 2 bed flat. And very few people get a choice HA property just by waiting, and those without significant housing need tend to be leap-frogged over by those with a greater need joining the list.

I would say that a property owned by your in-laws is more likely to be somewhere you could end up owning that a housing association property. Your ILs might even be prepared to give you a gifted deposit if you could raise the mortgage to buy it.

You painted a slightly different picture in your last thread about this exact same thing. Your kids were younger, your in-laws you only saw them twice a month but now they do weekly childcare, and most importantly you said your in-laws wanted to leave the area you are in. Why don't you just put your names on the list for both locations and wait and see what the next 4-5 years bring?

My husband and I have temporarily moved toa countryside location while our son is small to be near a family member and avoid London nursery fees. Even though it's temporary, it's not what we love despite being very outdoorsy people, and my job being outdoorsy.

You have to drive, jobs are few and far between. Nothing for teens to do so the ones round here resort to some mild vandalism and antisocial behaviour. There's also less green space walks in the countryside often as you have to drive to them just as in a town, most of the land is farmers fields and though we have right to roam here, its not really fun to climb over barbed wire and tramp through a muddy field. You're better to deal head on with the feeling of being in their pocket as your dh sounds like he wants to stay near. Conversely in 4 or 5 years time they will have backed off anyway with kids being older as you say in a reply.

I’m not an expert on social housing but are you even eligible for one if you already have a safe home? I honestly thought people were only considered if they were deemed homeless or had fled some sort of emergency nowadays but what do I know?

I don’t think either of you are wrong in this situation so it’s a tough one. I can see why you’re pulling towards the countryside and as someone who did move from a busy city to a quiet village with young children, I do understand your desire. I will say it sounds as though you’re fortunate to have your PIL purely for childcare purposes. I know you say in 4 years your DC will be in FT school which is true but you’d be surprised how many times you need emergency childcare when you’re both working parents…

Put your name down then, its a problem when its a problem. Right now its not a problem. You arguing over something that is a might. You might get offered a house, you might get offered a house with a garden, etc.

You could all agree to move and end up being offered a mid floor flat with no garden.

If this is your dream, why don't you work towards it in a more logical way - such as through work. Your whole point of view is boggling.

A 4 year waiting list is a long time away, I would put my name down anyway.
You may find in 4 years time that you are divorced from him ...

However down here you would be lucky to ever get a place in 4 years time as you would be a very low rating i.e. A-D and you would be an D as you are adequately housed.
A is emergency i.e. domestic abuse, B is homeless thus in temp housing i.e. a B&B and could well have been in a b&B for a year... C is an average rating, and very often over crowded i.e. 2 adults and 3 children in a 2 bed property, D eligible for social housing but not priority.
The majority of successful applicants down here now are B's.

It sounds like you have a lot to lose and not actually very much to gain. I'd stay put in your situation tbh. You both have jobs (including a business which you've built up), you have low cost rent, you have help from your inlaws, and presumably your children are settled and have friends and a great, close relationship with your inlaws.

And you want to gamble on this and go somewhere where your children will have to start from scratch making new friends and will need to change schools and activities, you'll have no childcare, your children won't see as much of the grandparents they're attached to, you'll need to build a new business from scratch, your DH will have to find a new job. It's an awful lot of upheaval and for what? A pipe dream that you might be allocated a social housing property that has a garden suitable for chickens?

You're arguing over an entirely pointless scenario. You have no offer of a house, and I fail to see how you'll get one when there is a huge shortage and 1000s of people currently housed in hotels.

If you had the offer of a house, get a divorce, but right now its utterly pointless.

You're arguing over an entirely pointless scenario. You have no offer of a house, and I fail to see how you'll get one when there is a huge shortage and 1000s of people currently housed in hotels.

If you had the offer of a house, get a divorce, but right now its utterly pointless.

It’s not cheap rent though, it’s just below market rate.

And it doesn’t give them a right to control OP’s life.

If you are thinking of applying for council or HA housing the size of the house you are offered will depend on your actual need not the fact that you want a larger property - so if you have two children of the same sex they would normally be expected to share a room even as older teenagers. This will depend on your local council, but I would have thought it’s usually the case. It’s perfectly normal for a family of four to be offered a two bedroom property if the children are the same sex, three bedrooms max if the children are opposite sex. Also, living rurally with teenagers is a nightmare unless you are willing to be taxi day and night- it might be idyllic while the children are small but once they start to become independent it is hard work living out in the sticks where public transport can be limited.

It seems a bit like his parents are ok to use for cheap rent and free childcare but you don't want the relationship that comes with that. Pay for nursery and full market rent if you want distance. 4 years time and your children will be past needing so much childcare and it feels like at that point you wash your hands and walk away. The optics aren't great.

I can’t see what they do for you in terms of the house? They only give you a slight discount so it’s not a big deal?

I think in the first instance you need to put in boundaries so they’re not that involved.

If they come in to the house with their key, that needs to stop right away.

If they won’t stop then tell DH you want to move to another house.

When can dc go to nursery?

PIL should not be allowed to control your lives.

I mean why do you think you'll ever get housing? A 4 year wait may as well be forever, there is going to be limitless people in the queue infront of you. It's arguing over something that will likely never happen.