On the verge of divorce over relocating AIBU?

my parents and sister all live in the area and have done for their whole lives.

So it is your hometown? You want to move back to where you're from? That makes sense and sounds different to wanting to live in this random countryside where eyiur sister happens to live. I'm still curious on how far it is.

I'd be annoyed if I was his parents. They house you and provide childcare and now you're going to bugger off. What about when they get older? What about when they need you?

In her last post, OP says her parents and sister have lived in that area their whole lives.

I thought with social housing, you couldn't just pick a nice area and put your name down for it - I thought you had to have strong ties to an area? Could be wrong though. Else wouldn't everyone just pick the nice areas?!

Did you actually check with the LA where your parents and sister live? Because normally only the LA where you live will house you . With the exception of people feeling dv.

I know very little about social housing being in the US, but if I were you I'd put my name on whatever list there is for wherever it is you want to be. It sounds to me as if there's more 'lurking' in your marriage than appears on the surface. He wants what he wants and you want what you want is rarely a recipe for a peaceful coexistence. Nor would I be happy to spend my life in a place I truly 'hate'. By the time your name is at the top of the list perhaps he'll have changed his point of view, you will have changed yours, or you may be at the point of "I'm going whether you're coming or not".

Anyone can apply for social housing, doesn't mean you'll get it.

For him not to even discuss it would annoy me and l don’t think it’s unreasonable to discuss options. Also whether you move or don’t move then l would be wanting to take a step back from in-laws as it sounds quite suffocating

In your shoes then l would put your name down and see where things are further on down the line

I was about to say the same!

Any reason not to apply in both areas ?

I am in Ireland so may be different in UK but here you can only be on one housing list. It is created for people in housing need who cannot afford to rent privately or buy. The fact that op is renting and affording that I am not sure they'd even be eligible to go on any housing list.

How far away are you from your parents & sister?

How did you end up where you are & how long have you been there?

He wants to be near his parents & you want to be near yours!

Halfway?

Sorry if I'm missing something but could someone explain to me how you can be eligble for social housing if you have two incomes and are currently privately renting? I thought social housing was for families and people in need?

Any reason not to apply in both areas ?

Also worth considering that capital gains tax is likely to shoot up after the next budget. If the house you are currently in has appreciated in value over a long period of time, and not been the primary residence of your DH's parents they may well have a large tax bill to pay if they ever want to sell it. It might be a good time for them to get some speedy advice

I live in a part of the country with a shorter wait for social housing than in many other areas but in no way is it a certain no of years on the waitlist then your name comes to the top of the list and then miraculously you get offered a lovely 3/4 bedroom house.
PP’s are correct, social housing is allocated on a priority need basis if you are adequately housed there will always be folks with emergencies or higher priorities needs coming along and they will always be ahead of you regardless of how long you have been on the list. Also agree with PP’s you would be allocated what the council deems you to be eligible for, rather than what you want. Not sure if having a family nearby, without you or your DH having to move there for work or needing to be there for access to specialised education for a DC actually counts as having a link to the area unless that is where you grew up?
No harm in putting your name down and in the event of being offered something deal with it then, but be prepared that you may be offered a flat / something unsuitable and if you choose to reject it that will have a consequence ( depending on the council one / two or three refusals sends you to the bottom of the list to languish there til the end of time)

Make an application on your own?

You don't sound very happy in your marriage.
If a house comes up, perhaps you can take it and move alone.

Given your precarious financial position, and the fact that you cannot afford to purchase your own home, you would be crazy to give up the security of your in-laws rental.

You're being totally unreasonable and I agree with your husband.

OP- are you absolutely sure you have a strong enough connection for the new LA to house you? May I ask what the connection is? As I have heard quite a few cases where the connection has been dismissed.

I think relocating to the countryside, chickens etc is a bit of a red herring tbh. As I see it, the real problem is that your DH has never cut the cord with his parents, who now think they're entitled to have a major say in everything in your life, and understandably you don't want that. If you've been on MN any time at all, you'll know that mummy's boy DHs are a common problem. I doubt the dynamics of that will really change wherever you live, so you need to decide if it's something you can put up with long-term.

You're talking about a fairy tale, hoping that you'll be given a big house in the country that you'll be able to buy in 'X' years. What if the Gov change the right to buy options?

Meanwhile, it sounds like you're living an idyllic life: decent landlord, supportive family, loving husband.

If I were you, I'd put my name on the list. Reassess the situation if you are ever faced with a choice. If he is dithering because he doesn't want to upset his parents, he can blame the move entirely on you. If he just doesn't want the same future as you, if an offer comes your way at least you'll have all your cards on the table to work out next steps.

This. Right to buy won’t be around much longer. Get saving for your own place.

Do you not want to buy your own place? Social housing takes forever to get & you still won’t be able to do whatever you want with the house.

Put your name on the list and see what happens in a few years time, by then he may want to move or you may want to stay. Alternatively rent in your area a house that has nothing to do with his parents.

You are making plans to buy a house you’ve not got under a scheme that will be dust before the next election. I’m a believer in long term planning but there are too many variables.
Save. And live your best life in his parents house. If you want home ownership then buy this one.