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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be extremely upset

39 replies

delusionalspell · 09/09/2024 09:33

My partner and I have been together 8.5 years and have DS (7), partner has DS (9) from previous relationship.

Family life has been fantastic with us and kids.

Ex is a reincarnation of the devil and does everything in her power to upset family life in our household. Eg, will tell DSS that he does not have to stay or see us, will encourage him to leave if he feels like it, does not have to do as I ask him, he can be rude to me if he likes because I am not his family, hurts and attacks dad and other people, will send things to the house like cake and specify that DS 7 is not to have any etc.

She continually says things about DS 7, like he’s very ugly, overweight, dresses ridiculous. DSS knows these things are wrong but it seems mum has been in his head a lot as he is now beginning to act just like her toward us.

DSS has time alone with dad, but will openly try to exclude DS and say ‘you’re not invited, I hate you, you’re not my brother’ etc etc.

I have tried to speak to DSS on many occasions and explained that his behaviour is hurtful and upsetting, and he understands this. He is usually a loving, kind, little boy. However, each time he comes back from his mum things are getting worse and worse.

I have spoken to my partner on so many occasions regarding this and how much he is upsetting me and DS, but partner shifts all blame on to ex (mum). It is now causing arguments between my partner and I, and I feel like breaking down every day as every issue is always about DS & I.

My partner will not confront his ex. His excuse is that it will get him nowhere. I feel that DS and I are always in the firing line and it’s awful.

AIBU to ask him to speak to her? Or am I wrong?

I feel like packing up all of our things and running away as the whole scenario has worn me out. :(

OP posts:
ButterAsADip · 09/09/2024 09:53

warningsecurityguards · 09/09/2024 09:37

Mmmm, OP, if your DSS is 9, and your relationship is 8.5 yrs old, then your DH left his ex with a baby under 12m old.

Well under, unless he hopped out of his ex’s bed and straight into yours.

That kind of hurt can last a lifetime.

As the saying goes, you don’t have an ex problem, you have a partner problem.

He needs to support you, but going on his track record that’s not his strong suit.

Took the words right out of my mouth.

Original poster
delusionalspell · 09/09/2024 09:52

AtYourOwnRisk · 09/09/2024 09:44

And yet, your partner loved and was committed to this ‘reincarnation of the devil’ for at least nine years, and up until meeting you?

They were together for 18 months and she fell pregnant.

She then left him for another woman.

OP posts:
Original poster
delusionalspell · 09/09/2024 09:51

fizzymizzy · 09/09/2024 09:40

but partner shifts all blame on to ex (mum).

The woman he left, with a very small baby?

Yeah. He is the absolute problem.

Ex left him for another woman.

OP posts:
Cappuccinowithonesugarplease · 09/09/2024 09:51

ElderMrs · 09/09/2024 09:49

I'd be severely disciplining the 9 year old.

The ex may be a bitch, but a 9 year old is older enough to be told off for bullying and told to never say such horrible things about another child.

You can't do much about the ex, but you can call out a child in your home being horrible and teach them how to behave.

His own father is the one responsible for doing the disciplining not her

Original poster
delusionalspell · 09/09/2024 09:50

warningsecurityguards · 09/09/2024 09:37

Mmmm, OP, if your DSS is 9, and your relationship is 8.5 yrs old, then your DH left his ex with a baby under 12m old.

Well under, unless he hopped out of his ex’s bed and straight into yours.

That kind of hurt can last a lifetime.

As the saying goes, you don’t have an ex problem, you have a partner problem.

He needs to support you, but going on his track record that’s not his strong suit.

She left him for a woman and moved her in when DSS was four months old.

DSS has been with us four nights per week since I met partner

OP posts:
ElderMrs · 09/09/2024 09:49

I'd be severely disciplining the 9 year old.

The ex may be a bitch, but a 9 year old is older enough to be told off for bullying and told to never say such horrible things about another child.

You can't do much about the ex, but you can call out a child in your home being horrible and teach them how to behave.

Cappuccinowithonesugarplease · 09/09/2024 09:48

Yeah he is passing all responsibilities for this onto his ex. But then he doesn't sounds very responsible anyway given that he buggered off and left his baby son and had another child almost immediately after.
I dont want to say this lightly but I would be rethinking the whole relationship in this situation if he doesn't start being an adult and dealing with it instead of blaming it all on his ex
Sorry you are going through this 💐

AtYourOwnRisk · 09/09/2024 09:44

And yet, your partner loved and was committed to this ‘reincarnation of the devil’ for at least nine years, and up until meeting you?

Mrsttcno1 · 09/09/2024 09:44

warningsecurityguards · 09/09/2024 09:37

Mmmm, OP, if your DSS is 9, and your relationship is 8.5 yrs old, then your DH left his ex with a baby under 12m old.

Well under, unless he hopped out of his ex’s bed and straight into yours.

That kind of hurt can last a lifetime.

As the saying goes, you don’t have an ex problem, you have a partner problem.

He needs to support you, but going on his track record that’s not his strong suit.

Yep, 9 year old, 8.5 year relationship and 7 year old.

You really can’t see that this is your partners fault?

KimberleyClark · 09/09/2024 09:42

Definitely a partner problem. Doesn’t sound much of a catch.

Changeiscomingthisyear · 09/09/2024 09:42

warningsecurityguards · 09/09/2024 09:37

Mmmm, OP, if your DSS is 9, and your relationship is 8.5 yrs old, then your DH left his ex with a baby under 12m old.

Well under, unless he hopped out of his ex’s bed and straight into yours.

That kind of hurt can last a lifetime.

As the saying goes, you don’t have an ex problem, you have a partner problem.

He needs to support you, but going on his track record that’s not his strong suit.

And then after leaving his first child he went onto to have another one very quickly.

fizzymizzy · 09/09/2024 09:40

but partner shifts all blame on to ex (mum).

The woman he left, with a very small baby?

Yeah. He is the absolute problem.

AmyLovesAutumn · 09/09/2024 09:40

I agree with @warningsecurityguards I think there’s more of a backstory here.

warningsecurityguards · 09/09/2024 09:37

Mmmm, OP, if your DSS is 9, and your relationship is 8.5 yrs old, then your DH left his ex with a baby under 12m old.

Well under, unless he hopped out of his ex’s bed and straight into yours.

That kind of hurt can last a lifetime.

As the saying goes, you don’t have an ex problem, you have a partner problem.

He needs to support you, but going on his track record that’s not his strong suit.

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