“Single mum”

In my view, you are a single mum if you have children and aren't in the relationship with the father or living with a new partner, regardless of the father's involvement in the kids' upbringing.

What's a 'lone person' and what is 'single person'

My mum was definitely a single mum . My dad had us every other weekend (he wouldn't have had us had she not pushed for it) payed £5 maintenance between 3 kids (even though he had his own business) ,she put food on the table and a roof over our heads. I remember her asking my dad for more maintenance and he said no , so she had to go hungry to feed us kids .

I know what you mean, I used to think it sounded like they were alone parenting their children, my mum was a single mum with no father involved, so maybe that's why I think that.

I am a single Mum but I am not a single parent.

What term do you think should be used to describe this?

And I really don't think that the arrangement you have described is very common at all.

I have heard of lone parent but did not know there was a difference between a lone parent and a single parent.

I'm a single lone parent.

My older kids father had no contact what so ever. Did not pay for them etc etc.

My younger kids dad has them every other weekend. He does pay for them but he does no parenting. He has no understanding about their education, friends sen/autism. Emotions etc. His mum does everything. He's the Disney dad basically

Well sorry for being ‘odd’ but I haven’t heard of it!

It’s odd you’ve never heard of it as it’s a well known term

Nope never heard it and never referred to myself as a lone parent, always a single parent.

Agreed, before I moved in with my current partner, I referred to myself as a single parent even though I had a BF because I was living on my own and doing all of the parenting. If I didn’t live with my partner (but was still in a relationship) I’d refer to myself as a single parent

@Lizzie67384 it's a fairly common term tbh, surprising that you've not heard it.

Even if contact is 50:50, when you are parenting your child in that situation, whether you have a BF, partner, whatever, you're still a single (1) person doing the parenting during that time, so I don't get the OPs confusion or annoyance with the term single parent.

I used to be a ‘lone’ parent (by your definition) before I met my current partner, my ex wasn’t involved before but I called myself a single parent - I’d never heard of ‘lone’ parent before I came on MN.

Most single mums I know have been well and truly abandoned in every sense. They have to apply for child maintenance and work more hours to cover childcare. The dad picks up the kid(s) one or two Saturdays a month, because they need to have a life too! Most dads who leave are arseholes who afandon all responsibility, I'm sure some good ones are out here somewhere.

Single parents and lone parents are different things.

I'm a single parent, but I'm not a lone parent.

How is that difficult to understand?

Ha ha ha. You're funny....

All of the 50:50 arrangements I know of involve the dad collecting their child, plus a bag of clean and ready clothes, doing his "50%" and then returning child with a bag of dirty clothes, usually missing several socks, having stuffed that child full of pizza and ice cream, and not checked their homework is done.

Or just delivered child to paternal grandparents and left them to it.

I am a single mum. In the last 16 years I have done every school run, nativity play, parents evening, sports day, hospital run including a nightmare 36 hours in paediatric ICU. I've applied to every school, shopped for every pair of shoes, organised every school trip, every child minder, every inoculation, dentist, gp.

I've covered every illness, organised every holiday cover, made every birthday cake, organised every party, sorted every swimming lesson, every club. I've arranged ds' passports and Covid vaccination records.

I have sat through every homework struggle and negotiated with the schools over bullying. I have rushed DS to a&e when ex returned DS to me with a badly infected 4 day old dog bite.

I also work full time.

My ex morphed into a sexist carrogant tosser who can't possibly help because 'he works' . As if I don't. My ex does 20 nights a year and 6 hours a week when he feels like it.

I am a loving committed single parent. He is not even close.

I’m not stereotyping more generally. But I have a friend who has her child 40% of the time, her ex pays maintenance and she got a mortgage free house as part of the divorce. Child is 12. You know when she has the child as her Facebook is filled up “single parent” quotes and she’s constantly posting about “how to cope” and needing “urgent childcare” for critical (fictitious) medical appointments. She does my head in.

Nobody even responds anymore!

I would a presume living in a home as the sole parent as the only grown up in charge of their children means they are a single parent (mum or dad)

A person without a partner is single without children so would having children change that?

And why on earth does it matter anyway?-

This is why I describe myself as a 'lone' parent. As I am completely alone with no support (financial or practical)

Surely being single doesn't have any bearing on the amount of time a parent may have with their child as it’s to do with their relationship status.

I do see lots of difference of opinions on the definitely of a lone/solo parent though and whether someone who has a financial contribution or shared custody counts as they aren’t really doing it alone, and in some cases are similar to someone whose partner works away for long periods.

I’m interested to know what else you would call single parents OP, because this is what they are.

A single parent is a parent that is single.
Usually the only adult in that household that is responsible for the house hold. You could be a single parent with a boyfriend or girlfriend that you don’t live with.

A lone parent is someone who parents with no input from another parent.

Who can be arsed explaining ‘I am a lone parent, but not single as I have a partner who doesn’t live with me’?

Or ‘I am single and a parent who co-parents with my ex, but also has a non live in partner’.

Theres no hard and fast rules. My cousin was technically a lone parent. But she and her kids stayed at her mum and Dads most of the time, rarely going home and her parents provided her with endless childcare and money. She had more support than if the father was involved. It worked for them for a time.

I wouldnt expect my cousin to come up with a term that says she is lone parent but actually parents with her own parents. Or go into detail about the set up unless very relevant.

This is why I prefer to refer to myself as a lone parent as my ex isn’t involved at all. Very different to a single mum and I don’t really refer to myself as a single mum.

As a single mum it’s highly likely you will be disadvantaged in some way, whether or not you are a lone parent or not. Even if the other parent is actively involved in childcare and making a reasonable financial contribution it’s likely you will have to deal with challenges that a parent who is married or part of a couple will not experience.