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To be really unhappy at having a cat imposed on us

881 replies

WinkyTinky · 09/09/2024 06:52

Dh wanted to get a cat a couple of years ago. None of the rest of us did, especially DS16 (14 at the time) - neither of the kids have ever wanted a pet or to have an animal that will live in the house in particular. Outside maybe, but not in the house, and I thought that was the end of it.
But yesterday, in comes dh with a pet carrier with a kitten inside, completely unannounced. I'd noticed he had been clearing out the porch on the morning, and i just left him to it, but now I know it was to make space for a litter tray. Ds12 looked at me as if to say, why is this happening? Especially knowing how his brother feels about pets. So I had to go upstairs and let DS16 know there was a cat in the house, it was already mewing quite loudly anyway, but it's a tiny kitten and he could easily have stood on it if he came down the stairs, where it had been sitting out of view. He is already in the middle of a hard and uncertain time leaving school, starting college, anxiety in general as well as dealing with his feelings girl, and also the suicide of a school friend. He ended up crying, not so much about the cat itself, but that his dad had gone against his wishes and got the cat anyway. He went and asked his dad if he just had to accept this, to which the reply was yes, no further conversation. But then I have to deal with all the emotions from ds, not his dad. And as the evening went on, the cat was sitting outside ds's bedroom constantly mewing while he was trying to do his homework for starting college this week. He has very early starts all week and just wanted to get his work done and get to bed. Ds12 was trying to get to sleep, all this while dh was sitting downstairs out of the way with his headphones on watching Jimmy Carr and laughing his head off, oblivious to everything.
I also went to bed, and heard dh downstairs putting the cat in the conservatory, so I could now hear it mewing from my room, not to mention it gets bloody cold in there on a night. Now today dh goes to work (WFH weds Thurs and Fri but out mon and Tuesday) and I have no idea what to do with this kitten while we're all out. DS16 should be home by around 2pm today, but says he doesn't want to come back if the cat is going to be here. Ds12 is going to be here on his own for a couple of hours as he doesn't start school til later this morning, and now he has to think about making sure the cat doesn't escape when he goes out. It's just another layer of worry that we didn't need. I know that lots of animal lovers will think this is a ridiculous overreaction, but it's how the kids feel, and I understand it. And I have to deal with the consequences, not dh. He never has to deal with anything. If anyone has seen any of my other threads, you might get what I mean. All the kids want is to be able to relax a bit when they get home, and DS16 in particular feels like he doesn't have that now, especially at the start of what is going to be a stressful two years of A levels.
Is this a complete overreaction on our part? Is dh well within his rights to get a pet?

OP posts:
Runnerinthenight · 17/09/2024 22:27

Evilartsgrad · 17/09/2024 22:12

Oh, give over. 🙄 I never said a word about pet owners, you are projecting wildly. Just stop telling everyone that they must think as you do. It's not bloody difficult , really it isn't.

Edited

So that you can sit there and tell people what to do, and that they must think like you do?

Right. What a load of horseshit.

@thedefinitionofmadness - you have just underlined my point. You got a cat and you adore her.

I wouldn't be happy if DH came home with another pet, as we already have three cats. However, we were grown up about it and had discussions before we did adopt them. DH wasn't that enthusiastic to begin with about getting a third, but when he saw our proposed rescue boy, he fell head over heels same as the rest of us did.

I love any cats, mostly mine, but I take pleasure from seeing and bonding with the neighbours' cats, and we all look out for each others' cats too.

They absolutely enrich our lives in so many ways. If you can't see why people love their pets, that's on you.

Evilartsgrad · 17/09/2024 22:15

thedefinitionofmadness · 17/09/2024 22:12

We have a cat and we all adore her, some of us despite ourselves.

However @Runnerinthenight that only applies to my own cat, the one we chose to take on. I'd be extremely pissed off if DH turned up with another, or worse, a dog. I can see why other people enjoy them but it is simply not true that they change everyone's life for the better.

But apparently you are ignorant mean and nasty for daring to think that . Who knew?

thedefinitionofmadness · 17/09/2024 22:12

We have a cat and we all adore her, some of us despite ourselves.

However @Runnerinthenight that only applies to my own cat, the one we chose to take on. I'd be extremely pissed off if DH turned up with another, or worse, a dog. I can see why other people enjoy them but it is simply not true that they change everyone's life for the better.

Evilartsgrad · 17/09/2024 22:12

Runnerinthenight · 17/09/2024 22:05

Are non-cat lovers really that nasty and ignorant???

I've come across plenty of people who disliked pets but once they got to know one, they realised how much fun and love they give to their humans.

But please don't get one - no cat or dog deserves it. You're the one lacking in imagination if you fail to understand what a pet means to its owner and whether you like it or not, you're the one missing out.

Oh, give over. 🙄 I never said a word about pet owners, you are projecting wildly. Just stop telling everyone that they must think as you do. It's not bloody difficult , really it isn't.

Runnerinthenight · 17/09/2024 22:05

This reply has been deleted

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Are non-cat lovers really that nasty and ignorant???

I've come across plenty of people who disliked pets but once they got to know one, they realised how much fun and love they give to their humans.

But please don't get one - no cat or dog deserves it. You're the one lacking in imagination if you fail to understand what a pet means to its owner and whether you like it or not, you're the one missing out.

Evilartsgrad · 17/09/2024 22:01

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ilovesooty · 17/09/2024 19:01

Sadly I don't think @WinkyTinky is going to return to tell us how Max is.

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 17/09/2024 18:25

The kitten needs socialisation, so he needs playing with and lots of cuddles, otherwise he may very well grow into an unsociable cat.
and he will be lonely !

Bigcat25 · 17/09/2024 13:03

Please rehome the kitten, this is developmentally bad and will impact his whole life.

Whatafustercluck · 17/09/2024 13:03

Justanothermum42 · 15/09/2024 18:50

Cats look after themselves. So do not worry about it being alone in the house. It needs water. Milk for kittens only - cows milk is not okay. Get the kitten a toy otherwise it will start wrecking your furniture. Your husband is a complete idiot. But the kitten will survive without you being there. X

Kittens need socialising, so while it's true to say the kitten will survive for short periods alone, it's far from ideal to ftequently leave them alone for hours on end unless you want a cat that's fearful and aggressive towards people.

Whatafustercluck · 17/09/2024 13:01

Justanothermum42 · 15/09/2024 18:50

Cats look after themselves. So do not worry about it being alone in the house. It needs water. Milk for kittens only - cows milk is not okay. Get the kitten a toy otherwise it will start wrecking your furniture. Your husband is a complete idiot. But the kitten will survive without you being there. X

Kittens need socialising, so while it's true to say the kitten will survive for short periods alone, it's far from ideal to ftequently leave them alone for hours on end unless you want a cat that's fearful and aggressive towards people.

NooNakedJacuzziness · 17/09/2024 12:12

If he's a "weirdo freak who probably tortures animals for fun" he'd be only too happy to have a kitten freely at his disposal wouldn't he? HE'S not the weirdo freak here.

RBhi · 17/09/2024 12:07

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Lovelysummerdays · 17/09/2024 08:55

I think I feel for the OP more than most my then DH brought home a dog that I’d said absolutely no to because I’d have to do all the work and Youngest was four and I was heading back to work full time. Divorced now, I kept the dog and I love her although lots of time and commitment.

It’s really hard when you’re struggling to juggle all your existing commitments and the person supposed to support you just keeps lobbing stuff in your direction. Then you look unreasonable because you’re upset over dinner guests, people coming to stay, the new kitten/ pet chicken/ puppy.

I’m not naturally a stressful or anxious person but I spent years surviving this highly stressful environment. Every time I’d get on top of life he’d chuck another thing in. Honestly I feel a massive spike of adrenaline at the thought of anyone else having control of my life.

LondonUSAGirl · 17/09/2024 06:47

Please stop feeding the cat milk. Unless it is specially made "milk for kittens", milk is REALLY bad for them. And please get it chipped and neutered as soon as possible.

Runnerinthenight · 16/09/2024 18:54

GettingStuffed · 16/09/2024 18:49

When I met DH I didn't like cats, horrible scratchy things. The his semi feral cat ( came with the house,) had kittens and they looked cute and we're funny. Then my mum asked if we wanted some kittens as a work friend had actually who'd just had kittens. The children and DH both wanted them so I was overruled. I stroked them but that was it. Then one of them died and as her sister was trying to steal a kitten from down the road we got another cat. This time I picked him up and that was it I'm now a cat lover and can't wait until we move so we can have another one.

Don't write it off just make sure that DH does all the heavy lifting.

That's why I said somewhere above - people who don't like cats just haven't got to know one yet!

GettingStuffed · 16/09/2024 18:49

When I met DH I didn't like cats, horrible scratchy things. The his semi feral cat ( came with the house,) had kittens and they looked cute and we're funny. Then my mum asked if we wanted some kittens as a work friend had actually who'd just had kittens. The children and DH both wanted them so I was overruled. I stroked them but that was it. Then one of them died and as her sister was trying to steal a kitten from down the road we got another cat. This time I picked him up and that was it I'm now a cat lover and can't wait until we move so we can have another one.

Don't write it off just make sure that DH does all the heavy lifting.

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 16/09/2024 18:41

@WinkyTinky

You have had several offers of a home for Max - why is he still in your home ?

TheCultureHusks · 16/09/2024 12:05

Mirabai · 16/09/2024 08:42

Yes if you’re going to rehome do so now before the kitten has bonded and has time to find a home where people really want it.

Rehoming it later will just cause the cat trauma and it’s harder to rehome older cats.

It’s not only your DH who’s irresponsible.

I agree with this. Rehome him as soon as possible, I appreciate that it’s not easy to find a loving home for a bad-tempered middle-aged man but you really have to try. It WILL be harder if the kitten bonds with him. Could you keep DH in the kitchen or shed while you find a home? It would help the whole family with the letting go process if they don’t have to see him that much. If you have a shed with Netflix and a blanket he will be fine.

Sorenlorrenson · 16/09/2024 08:58

Yes your husband is a bit of a dick.
I do think your reaction is ott, especially with regards to your eldest son, no wonder he has anxiety, you seem to be feeding that anxiety. he needs to be more resilient, it's a tough old world and he's nearly a grown up.

GenAvocadoOnToast · 16/09/2024 08:54

Justanothermum42 · 15/09/2024 18:50

Cats look after themselves. So do not worry about it being alone in the house. It needs water. Milk for kittens only - cows milk is not okay. Get the kitten a toy otherwise it will start wrecking your furniture. Your husband is a complete idiot. But the kitten will survive without you being there. X

While they can technically look after themselves, they also need mental stimulation and affection. Ideally also some training, which is easier when they’re still kittens. The cat needs a scratching post, not a toy, to avoid furniture scracthing. Even if they don’t scratch the furniture, a scratching post is still essential.

It’s really not great to be leaving such a young kitten home alone all day. I hope the kitten is rehomed sooner rather than later to minimise his distress.

SallyWD · 16/09/2024 08:51

Can I ask what's happening to the kitten now? As others have said, far better to rehome when she's still a kitten. Hopefully, you'll all fall in love with her though!

Mirabai · 16/09/2024 08:42

Yes if you’re going to rehome do so now before the kitten has bonded and has time to find a home where people really want it.

Rehoming it later will just cause the cat trauma and it’s harder to rehome older cats.

It’s not only your DH who’s irresponsible.

Unsubtleturtle · 16/09/2024 08:22

What's really sad is that in your update @WinkyTinky that you've said you may rehome the cat later down the line. So you'll let this animal bond with you all, settle into your house, let it think this is its home and family and then rip the animal away from it all in a couple of years as if it's disposable and cause major trauma to it that is completely avoidable by rehoming now. And you can see that all coming but you're likely going to do it anyway. Truly awful. The animal has no choice but you do. Many people should not have pets if they can't treat them properly, your family fall into this group. Let it go to a rescue, please.

MyMiniMetro · 16/09/2024 08:13

GaryLurcher19 · 11/09/2024 20:11

Oh for goodness' sake.

Dude, it's literally my job to know this stuff. Not everything bad is 'mental health difficulties' and rather than sound like a Daily Mail reader in denial about anything mental health, I explained the classification system. Women get the similar responses to yours from men at conferences when we answer technical questions with technical answers rather than with smiles and giggles.

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