Teenagers joining in with adult meals with guests

I think teens joining adult dinner parties at home is really nice and SUCH a benefit and learning for the teens in terms of how to communicate and socialise and discuss like an adult. They get so much out of it. Learning what intelligent, informed, respectful discourse looks like. Given this generation’s struggles with socialising (broad generalisation but Covid, smart phones, screens) I think it’s such a nice thing to do for them. And makes conversations more interesting when they share their perspective!

But bringing a teen to a restaurant when it’s a night out with a group of my friends is very different and that I would appreciate less, unless good reason!!

Ps my mum’s friends did occasionally take me on theatre trips with them which I really did appreciate, made a huge difference in my outlook.

If I went to someone's house I wouldn't expect children to be absent unless it were a formal dinner party sort of situation. Going out, I don't think I would expect the children.

Growing up, if my parents had friends over, we would join them for the meal, then go elsewhere so the adults could spend time by themselves. We couldn't really be expected to stay in our rooms all evening.

I totally agree with you OP . It’s changes the atmosphere. I would have to speak to your friend and say adults only for your evening out.

Agree. Love my teens and enjoy occasions when they are included along with other teens when it’s an event on that basis.. But going to a dinner party with other peoples teens there is a heartsink scenario. I have enough teen talk if my own at home and want an adult night out.

Plus it’s pretty odd behaviour - my teens would be more likely to fly to the moon than muscle in on our social life. They wouldn’t like it if I plonked myself down on their beds when their mates come round.

15 isn’t near adult though and certainly should not be around adults talking about their sex lives etc, parents are allowed to have a social life outside their children, id be happy with them being around for the meal but id then tell them to make themselves scarce.

I can think of numerous topics I'd not want to talk about with ANY children present.

I've read this exact same thread before, so perhaps it's a common problem?

Either way it wouldn't bother me at all in their own home.

I wouldn't expect them to come to an adult meal in a restaurant though.

You know what's funny, there was a thread last week where OP was going to turn up at her son's Halloween party and everyone jumped on her until she accepted it was inappropriate for her due to the age/generational gap. But now it's okay????

Change the venue and say the teen isn't invited as you'd rather adult time

I like it when the teens want to hang out with the grown ups at meals - it means the food & the company are good. As long as they're making conversation & joining in - rather than scrolling on their phones then I'm happy for them to be there and they often have something on interesting to say. They're allowed to drift off too after they've eaten but that only tends to happen if there are other kids to hang out with.

Gawd, when I was a teenager the last thing I'd have wanted to do would be to go out with my parents and their friends! 😂 I have 2 friends who will sometimes bring their daughters (late teens/early twenties) to a lunch or coffee meet up. I enjoy their company (I have no daughters) and it's nice to spend time with them and catch up on what's going on in their lives! It definitely changes the tone of the conversation and there are things I would only discuss with my friends when the kids aren't around. It's not every time we meet though, it's fairly infrequent.

If visiting someone’s house, it’s strange to expect them to banish near-adult family members from your sight. If eating out it’s a different matter.

For those worried about discussing politics, sex, etc in front of your teens, I hate to break the news but they have probably heard it all by now, and in much less delicate terms than how adults would discuss these things.

I would say "oh I didn't realise it was something the kids were coming to, I will check if mine are free". Make it obvious that it is a separate thing. I get teen kids being at home and coming for a chat with everyone. We always buy ours popcorn and sweets and buy a movie in the hope they bugger off! I wouldn't be taking them out for dinner in a restaurant with my friends, that would be weird unless other peoples kids were going.

@axolotlfloof do you find that the teen then becomes the centre of the conversations? As in most questions are directed at teen?

If we were having a particularly formal dinner then the DC would eat separately, but a more casual supper; lunch or any sort of drinks party or BBQ the DC would be around, if they wanted to be.

I like the inter- generational mixing, it adds another dimension.

To be honest I'm amazed that there are people who aren't bothered by this!! Maybe I talk about stuff I shouldn't!!

I'm with you, totally changes the dynamic, what if you want to talk about personal stuff? I don't want a teenager knowing my business!

I mean ffs there can be all sorts of gossip. "Tom smith has shagged the cleaner again, mary has moved out", "sam jones is selling the business, he said its enough to retire early". My husband is often asked for financial advice, at a dinner part recently a friend was talking about having been offered redundancy. These aren't things people want to talk about with some random teenagers.

We sometimes had this

sometimes with our teens, sometimes with other friends teens

never been a problem, yes it changes the vibe a bit but I still talk about anything in front of teens, cannot think what type of conversation is off topic

Sex, politics, religion, drugs, anything can be discussed with teens present imo

They may find it cringe though and leave 😁😇

Yeah, it does change the vibe and I voted YANBU, but this does happen with DS who is 16 sometimes. There are some of my friends who he really likes and wants to hang out with and it's really hard to hurt his feelings and tell him to buzz off, especially if there's nice food and potentially a board game or someone who is into stuff he is also into. So I understand your friends position too.

At someone's house I'd expect that there kids are there or kind of drifting about. Strange to bring them out to dinner though unless they suggest you bring yours too and it's a family meal.