Teenagers joining in with adult meals with guests

I personally love all the posters saying "When I was a teenager I loved having dinner with my parents and their friends and they all loved me being there!"

Yeah I bet they did😂

OP I completely agree with you. It's not even the subject matters, I just want to have dinner with friends and not feel like I have to think about what I'm saying. If kids / teens are there then yes, the conversation is geared more towards them and with the greatest of respects, I'm there for dinner and a catch up with friends, not their children.

The only time friends kids hang out with us is if dd is there too. We’re getting beyond play dates masquerading as socialising though so often the kids want to do their own thing.

My friends and I like to have get togethers that don’t necessarily involve the whole family. Neither do we always invite partners. We’ve been friends for decades - but that doesn’t mean our ‘family unit’ has to be friends too.

And we like to go out - dinner parties in each others homes isn’t our thing. Between when the kids were young and Covid, we’ve had enough of spending time in our houses.

Hell would freeze over before my teen girls muscled in on my social life. They have their own social lives and we also really enjoy doing things as a family. They are very socially aware though.

I still don't see why those subjects are off-limits for teenagers? If you're suggesting that the conversation will get TMI about my friends' sex lives or stuff that should be between them and their GP, I'm all for teenagers being present to prevent that happening
I am comfortable discussing my health issues with my friends who are having similar expierences. I don't want a teen listening in to be ho est. She us my friends dd, not my friend.

Otherwise teenagers can certainly cope with generalised health and sex talk. And they'd probably be up for talking politics, I was at that age. They should find work/career stuff useful (and if they get bored if the conversation veers into talking shop, they can peel off at that point). I would have found you insufferable.

I am not sure what the issue is with talking about "mutual friends" unless you mean you're bitching/gossiping about them in which case the problem isn't the teenagers is it.

Me and my friend talk about a mutual friend who is going through a tough time with her ex husband and her son is going off the rails.
Son is a mutual friend to our children. Friend knows we are talking about her because we say things like ' I told Cath about what happened with Si and she said.......' we are not bitching ,we are not talking behind her back. Friends do same about me.
Friends daughter doesn't need to know our mutual friend' son, her friend) is being an arse and is worrying mum.

What a weird take on things.

My sons wouldn't want to come. The girls aren't their friends. They would rather stay home.
At our house I we had guests, they would come for food, polite chit chat, and disappear.

Sorry i posted and had missed this. I wonder if the difference is that you have boys. A massively generalisation obviously but one that is anecdotally very true. I mentioned our teens hanging out with the adult friendship group but this is without exception all girls. The one friend with only a boy teen, he never comes - would not consider it. He won't go anywhere with his family eg for a meal in the local area in case he bumps in to friends. Another has a boy and girl teens and although he's far more sociable and will occasionally come for a bit to a bbq etc if there will be a range of people there but that's about it. Teens will usually break off but later on often mix back on with the adults then break away again. If there is conversation that they find embarrassing they will make themselves scarce but it takes a lot to embarrass modern teens imo. Probably more streetwise than the adults

Why aren’t your kids coming too? Enjoy a meal as a large group, and then retire to living rooms etc

Well, “teen” is from 13 to 19, so I guess it depends how old/mature the teen is.
We spent our DC’s pre-teen years teaching them how to eat at table: every evening dinner was served formally, and conversation encouraged, along with table manners. This continues to this day (they are adults, so it’s second nature to them now)
I wouldn’t expect to go to a general dinner with friends and discuss anything controversial or intimate, so from 14 I would have been comfortable letting the teens stay - unless, for example, the invitation was for the purpose of discussing something delicate or private…

We hang out with friends and teenagers a lot. Wouldn't necessarily sensor what we talk about either. Take your teen along too and they will likely be too busy chatting to pay attention to the adults. Totally different to having an 8 year old join an adult evening.

It can be a little annoying if they are hanging around. In my own home, I'd let them eat with us then say 'ok it's adult time now-buzz off' and keep it light hearted-there's nothing you can do when it's someone else's house.

@axolotlfloof is the teenager perhaps a quiet homegirl without friends??? maybe she rarely goes out?

So you are advocating teen attendance as some sort of monitor of adult conversation! So we keep it wholesome and teen appropriate so as not to offend the teen Stasi agent living in the house! Adults are allowed their own social lives away from kids.

I still don't see why those subjects are off-limits for teenagers? If you're suggesting that the conversation will get TMI about my friends' sex lives or stuff that should be between them and their GP, I'm all for teenagers being present to prevent that happening.

Otherwise teenagers can certainly cope with generalised health and sex talk. And they'd probably be up for talking politics, I was at that age. They should find work/career stuff useful (and if they get bored if the conversation veers into talking shop, they can peel off at that point).

I am not sure what the issue is with talking about "mutual friends" unless you mean you're bitching/gossiping about them in which case the problem isn't the teenagers is it.

ooh looking forward to tonight Monday night student night at the local club tonight my 18 year old and her mates will be thrilled at my presence! I can just explain our family is a unit they will understand.

But a family is a unit.

So nobody in your family does anything without the others? You hang around with your children's mates and go to the pub with them and nightclubbing on a Thursday night. Do you go on their dates? Or if they are younger and someone asks them over for tea after school you go too and play with their Barbie Dream House.

Your children and your husband go with you on your evenings out with your friends and when their dad goes to see his friends you all go too?

Or is it just the mother who shouldn't have their own friends?

Who has said that teenagers aren't welcome to eat meals in their own home? Certainly not the OP.

Hopefully the teenager in question is capable of actually following the conversation and making a contribution that's relevant rather than just random thoughts that don't align with the subject that's is being discussed.

“A family is a unit” is so stifling! You spend so much time with them it’s very healthy to want to be with your friends for a change. Them dragging along to that is weird sorry.

I would be internally eye rolling if I thought I had an evening ahead of political discussion/ local gossip and instead ended up talking about Tabitha’s a level results. Plus sorry to say the sort of teens that want to do this in the first place are “a type”. The normal ones would be out with friends or in their rooms not holding court with their parents friends.

I get that you do not wish to spend time with other people's teenagers. But a family is a unit.
I think you should take your teens too.
By the way, when we take ours out, if there is more than one, we sit them on a table nearby, so they have some space to do their own thing.
Regarding the theme of convo, most definitively, I do not want to discuss anything that is not teen acceptable when out for dinner, so that suits me.

She wasn't invited due to the age / generational difference. Go read the thread lol

Have you posted this before? I remember an almost identical one not so long ago

What are you talking about that you can't say it in front of a teen?
Your personal stuff eg relationships, sex, finances, family problems, job issues the list is endless!