Teenagers joining in with adult meals with guests

If the teenage daughter had friends over, do you think Mum should be able to hang around and join in the conversation for as long as she fancies?

I'd be a bit pissed off at this. My friends & I discuss all sorts of stuff that isn't suitable for kids' ears plus I don't want to have to watch my language!

@LamasPyjama ok. I still think it's weird she should have to eat her meal then leave immediately rather just naturally bring part of the conversation and joining in. But maybe she isn't mature enough for such things? I don't know. It's just totally different to what my friends and family do.

Yes, issues with parents is a very good example of something I wouldn’t want to discuss with my, or anyone else’s teens around. There are topics that are simply none of their business. I’m surprised this is so controversial- I doubt anyone would think that a parent had the right to sit and listen to the conversations of their teenage children so why is it that parents aren’t afforded the same courtesy?

But she didn't say that, she said she thought it was fine that they were at the meal at their own house but that she didn't think they would stay around and chat with her and her friend for the whole of the rest of the evening.

It isn't just sex and health issues that I wouldn't want to talk about with teenagers around. There's so many things, for example, I'm having a tough time dealing with my mum and her unreasonable behaviour. I wouldn't want my kids to overhear me saying negative stuff about their grandparents, but I want to off load to my friends. Or sometimes they want to talk about something that they'd feel uncomfortable about if my kids were around. It's for the sake of the guest too sometimes that it's just adults only.

I’m quite surprised by lots of the responses. When we have friends over for dinner, our kids have eaten previously or we order them pizza and they spend a lovely evening playing computer games or watching films. I wouldn’t for a second expect them to join us, in the same way I’d not for a second expect to sit in with my teenage son and his mates when they visit. We are allowed times socialising apart.
I don’t want to censor my conversation because young ears are listening and there are things (besides sex) that I don’t want to talk about in front of people who aren’t my own, trusted friends. Whilst I like my friends’ children, for the most part, they aren’t my friends, their parents are.

When my teenager has friends round I know to steer clear. But sometimes they want my opinion on something and I'm happy to get involved. They discuss all kinds of topics. They are late teens though.

But I'm reminded of that scene in Bridgerton where an entire family attends dinner together (all 8 children from primary age to late 20s) with their mother and their adult guest and the mother asks the guest if he minds, because it was an unusual arrangement in the Georgian era (if you are unfamiliar with the show, it's set in 1813 onwards). To my mind, northing has changed in this debate. I myself would invite everyone regardless of age (it's up to the teenagers if they want to come, though) but everyone is different.

I don't know if it's a girl issue. My DS nearly 16 is more comfortable with coming down when he's hungry, having a quick chat with my friends and respond to how are you, how's school type of question, grab a snack and head back upstairs. My DD 14 will stay in her room, just coming down for dinner and disappearing upstairs afterwards (and then expecting me to go up to her to give her snacks!).

But teenagers who hang out with adults all evenings is definitely a "type" as a pp said.

Why? Honestly bizarre.
In this house / or my friend's houses, the kids would eat, then go hang out upstairs or wherever.
They'd find that conversation really boring. But I'm not sure what harm would be caused if they heard you talking 🤷🏻‍♀️

ZenNudist
I dunno. I accept my friends dc. It doesn't stop me talking to my friends. What are you talking about that you can't say it in front of a teen?

Sex?

@Notamum12345577 I don't go out for dinner at my friends house to talk about sex!

The kids live there. What's the big deal? You're being a bit precious imo.

Can you book in a walk or a coffee where their kid is not around if you really want to talk about sex with your friend?

@LamasPyjama I took at that the first instance was OP complaining the teen joined them at table in her parents home, while OP was visiting?
I totally agree with you that they should be able to hold a decent conversation.

I have a boy and a girl.

Mine never did

Yanbu

I'm with you OP, plus how does the cost of the meal get split, I would also be concerned I would end up subbing the cost of the teens meal.

I would live with it this time, but I would organise the next get together and make it clear as politely as you can that it's adults only.

Sometimes a teen in a househould is using this to show they are more grown up that their younger siblings.
I'd be pissed off too, because if I'm with close friends I like to discuss my kids and the usual struggles etc with teen behaviours and hearing other friends' experiences. One can't do that with a teen sitting there hanging on every word and gawping at you.
The conversation has to be kept at a non- personal level and not involve conversations about 'parenting' or reminising about the antics of the people at the table when they were younger so to speak 😎

Mine would eat with us and then a bit of polite conversation. Normally they would then go and hang out elsewhere (upstairs) after.

Absolutely I would be gutted to waste a Saturday night and £200 to chat to someone else’s teen! Fuck that!

All I’ve got from this thread is that there are a lot of dull people about who don’t like to talk about NSFW topics with their friends! I would just bow out of this dinner out OP, don’t do things you don’t want to do, especially if you’re paying money to do so. Go on a nice date with your DH instead - time is precious!

Exactly this. WTF is your friend thinking?

Well when the friends had their teens there too it probably was a mutual feeling. I guess this could suggest though that you repeat what is the norm for you growing up. Those who hung out with adults as teens won't find it odd and those who didn't will!

Otherwise teenagers can certainly cope with generalised health and sex talk. And they'd probably be up for talking politics, I was at that age. They should find work/career stuff useful.

Sorry but there is no way on this planet I would be discussing sex in front of teenagers. Nor my health for that matter. For the same reason I wouldn't discuss it with work colleagues or my neighbours. They are not my friends and it is not their business.

Teens would find work / career talk "useful"??? Not sure what teens you know but DSD probably doesn't even know what we do for a living - never mind be interested in it 😂

And if a 15 year old started talking about politics with us I would really struggle to not roll my eyes...

My main take on this is that I want to hang round with my friends. Not their kids, including teenagers and probably ones in their early 20s if it is a house visit.
It is different if we are eating out and doing something in particular but for catching up I want to be with my peers who have a shared history and know me well.
It's not only teens though. I invited a friend I had lost touch with and reacquainted with. I invited her to dinner at mine. Dh said he would take the kids out so I could catch up and he wouldn't be in the way. She tur ed up with her new husband that I hadn't met before. I only had prepared food for two and the conversation was stilted and awkward because his presence. She later phoned up and acknowledged it was strange.