30 minute bedtime

Agree in bringing the reading forward, if he’s home at 3.30 then you should be able to fit it in. It’s a hard time when a sibling arrives, especially with a longish gap so important to keep the bedtime parts he enjoys. I’d just stick to you reading and no mind / stimulation games.

Ps have DS reading to you at 4 30pm while baby feeds. I did this with my elder one.

Its rare for me to say this on mnet but is he maybe going to bed a bit early? At this age my DS suddenly managed better and bedtime had to move to 7.30. Now he is 7.5 its 7.45 and we've agreed it will be 8pm when he is 8.

We never linked reading to bedtime. Bedtime was simply getting ready for bed. Could you maybe do his reading once baby is asleep, then a few games, gradually winding down to some chat, you reading to him; then upstairs loo teeth pyjamas hop into bed kiss goodnight

(we never did bedtime so early either, but I appreciate all children are different)

This definitely a swift bedtime routine and too early

Agree with others, bed time routine needs to be simpler and less stimulating - so just toilet, teeth, PJ's and story/stay time.
We do drink & snack as soon as we get in from school, followed by reading & 10 minutes tt rockstars, then chill/unwind time until food is ready Would this work for you?

Can't you do reading/alphabet games in the morning??

Also, bedtime, get it down to ... Shower, teeth, toilet, pyjamas and in bed, then he gets 1 book/chapter read by you and then lights out. Stay if you like after, or leave. Whatever suits.

So it's exactly the same. Then there's no wiggle room. No delays etc.

Ditch the alphabet games/Alexa/whatever.

I’m wondering if bathing your two together would ease things, that way they have time together to play in the bath and DS is in his PJs by the time it’s his half hour, so one less thing to faff over. That leaves more reading and settling time.

My DS is just 7 and we can do bedtime in 30 mins including some physio exercises he needs to do. I don’t tolerate much faffing though and the consequence is no story/less of a story read together.

I’m a single mum so when mine were small I’d bath them together and into PJs, then baby to bed by 7, DS1 by half past. That was my time to have a cuppa and watch Corrie after a long day. I did plenty with them through the day so they weren’t lacking attention.
Your routine seems perfectly reasonable to me.

Don’t beat yourself up. Sometimes we find ourselves in shit situations (of our own making) but we had the best possible intentions. I’m not sure what the right answer is but we live and learn…. If you ultimately decide it wasn’t the right thing to have done then you can do something different next time. I also broadly agree that once you’ve set your stall out you have to follow through. Xx

My 8 and 6 year olds can easily take more like 90 minutes. I know it's ridiculous and they take the piss but even if they didn't the reading alone (them to me and me to them) is at least 30 minutes on its own so I could never do the whole shebang in half an hour.

Why not make a new schedule together like a clock? Then you will see which bits are important to ds..an hour surely is worth giving him? There is a 6 year gap between my youngest 2. They get on fab still at 10 and 16. Remove any risk of your ds resenting the baby by upping his time with you. Is he involved with the baby's bedtime routine? No better time! Reading practice while you do the pj's? Spellings while the baby is in the bath? I still stand in the bathroom while ds 10 bathes..catch up time and have a laugh. No chores or distractions.. Make the bathroom a get together area!

What time are you actually putting him to bed? My 6 year old is teeth and PJs at 7.30 and happily bed for around 8pm. The 7.5 year old teeth and pjs at the same time as the younger one but still dragging their feet at a 8.30pm bedtime and I'll quite often read or draw in bed until 9ish.

we don't do anything just before bed though, just quiet play or a bedtime story cuddled on the sofa and always conditional on them going to bed nicely. Messing around means a stricter bedtime the night after.

30 minutes isn't very long. My DS is 4 and bedtime routine is more like 45 minutes although that does include bath time.
Have you tried to preempt his delaying tactics, like while you are putting the baby to bed could he choose what toys to take to bed and what story to read?
I do think him reading and doing an alphabet game is a lot at bedtime, but I can see you might not have a lot of time earlier. I'd keep it to you reading to him and then just a chat at bedtime.
Do you have a partner or friend who could take your baby for a bit in the day so DD1 gets 1:1 in the day too?

DS1 has had a huge change in his life with the arrival of DC2... Focus on the 1:1 quality time

That seems a vast amount to try to get done in 30 minutes. Isn't reading practice alone 10-15 min at age 7? And you can't expect him to switch from "work mode" to "relax for sleep mode" in only a few more minutes. Also, 7pm seems very early for a 7 year old to go to bed. Mine has lights out at 8:30pm.

My DD is still an infant, however I am an older sibling with a similar age gap.

My instinct is that if ‘stay time’ is special to DS1 and it’s time limited to 30 minutes can you remove the ‘boring’ tasks (toilet, pjs, teeth) from this time ? Would he be able to complete these tasks himself while you put the baby to bed ? Or could they be done early and he plays/watches tv etc ready for bed while you do the baby ? Then ‘stay time’ could be more relaxed and focus on 1:1 connection rather than the admin of getting ready for bed.

I read that willpower takes exactly the same sort of energy as physical or mental activity and hence is in short supply when you are tired. I find this true for myself, I have no willpower at bedtime. What you do about this situation though, IDK.

I don't think I could manage a 30 min bedtime with all the faffing they do. Would love to, though.

My 5yo needs a lot of prompting through the bedtime routine. I warn him he will get less story time. We always read him something but on a bad day it will only be 1 or 2 pages (Famous Five length books). My 8yo does this much less. We do sometimes leave her for the last bits e.g. going to the loo, putting moisturiser on etc.