To think this message was not terrible and Husband is over reacting?

But we don't know the full story. His kids could be off the rails for all we know

Oh well, he can jog on then! See how well that works out for him as he shouldn't even be putting his partner in a position where she is feeling like this so doubt he cope alone as a single dad. I can't be doing with men who guilt trip when we are doing more than them!

You would keep having your kids round, knowing your spouse was seething silently all the time and resenting stuff she does for them? I couldn't.

But you've made this up. The OP hasn't said this at all.

And just because it was "covered upthread" doesn't mean I agree with it 😂

@Mumof2namechange
I disagree. Both things can be true. You can think someone's kids are generally good kids and still find it hard to be around them at times. I mean Christ, I love the bones of my daughter and I'd literally die for her, BUT she doesn't half push my buttons and wind me up sometimes.

Are you saying I don't mean the first part of that sentence? Because I can assure you I absolutely do. I mean both things.

No! you are NOT being unreasonable. He is unreasonable for looking through your phone so can suck it up! I expect it has hit a raw nerve as his kids sound as though they are probably not sweetness and light!

You would keep having your kids round, knowing your spouse was seething silently all the time and resenting stuff she does for them? I couldn't.

Yep that's exactly what I'm suggesting he should do. Cease to live with a woman who resents and scorns his children, if he has an ounce of self respect

Bonkers.

This has been covered upthread. If you say a bland nice thing, then say "but" then a scathing sarcastic thing involving "need to be a saint" etc...

The nice bit at the beginning is negated.

I'm not sure that op does resent and scorn the children. But her messages imply that, and it's odd she's doubling down so hard on her bitchiness.

It's like I said upthread, maybe she doesn't care how dh feels, this is all part of wanting a divorce

She clearly feels contempt for them.

Yeah sure. This in particular- "X & Y (my stepchildrens names) are really good kids" as an opening sentence really screams "contempt" 🙄

Yep that's exactly what I'm suggesting he should do. Cease to live with a woman who resents and scorns his children, if he has an ounce of self respect

Then he can clean up after them himself.

Probably in the dh's opinion too, yeah

She clearly feels contempt for them

In your opinion.

I don't think op's dh is forbidding her from speaking to her friends. That's a leap.

Look at it from his POV.

He's just opened a window into her true thoughts about his kids and is upset by what he saw.

(And for the nth time, no, it's not the fact she doesn't love them like her own. It's the scornful, snipey tone she used about them. She clearly feels contempt for them.)

Sure, he shouldn't have snooped, that crossed a line for sure.

But he did, and he learned that his wife bitches about his kids. And to top it off, she isn't sorry, stands by her words, didn't think what she said was so bad.

Any self respecting father would think twice about staying with a woman who unashamedly bitches about his kids. How can he welcome his kids into his home (EOW or whatever) knowing that his wife is gritting her teeth and resenting them?

If he didn't, mumsnet would say he's putting his dick before his kids

If it was about my kids I don’t think I would care.

Abusive because he is upset his wife is bitching about his children to other people 😂.

No - because he keeps finding fault with her but not saying why, has unreasonable expectations, and reads her private messages with her friends.

Then you would be intruding on other people's private messages.

Abusive because he is upset his wife is bitching about his children to other people 😂.
mumsnet is hilarious sometimes.

Serves him right for invading your privacy. I would be livid with him if it was me.

If I saw the names of my kids pop up one someone else’s messages I’d bloody read them too.

Ah well. Hopefully he's learned a lesson there then about not snooping in his wife's private messages to her friends 🤷‍♀️

@Chonk
I disagree. OP stated that only a saint could love their step kids in the same way as their own child. That's a non specific statement. She's talking generally about the difference in the type and intensity of love a mother has for her own children compared to children who aren't hers. I completely understood where she was coming from. She wasn't specifically saying her own step kids are so horrendous that only a saint could love them; she was saying only a saint could find the same love for kids who aren't theirs that they have for the own kids. Which I strongly relate to, and agree with.

I’ve got four step children and I certainly don’t love them as my own. One I couldn’t care less about and would blank if I saw them in the street. One I care a great deal about and have a lot of contact with. The remaining two I can take or leave. Leave, mostly.