To think this message was not terrible and Husband is over reacting?

I think he shouldn’t have read your messages but if you really can’t see why he’s upset by what your wrote about your feelings towards his kids then I’d assume some form of neurodivergent issues or personality disorder to be honest.

Yes, he could have but in the moment he obviously didn't think he could trust you to tell the truth. If my children were being discussed by someone and I had an opportunity to read the message I would no doubt do rhe same. Rightly or wrongly. Wouldn't anyone? Come on here like ?
You have bigger issues now and he could end up resenting you.

I think sometimes its good to remember that written words remain and sometimes they sound harsher when you read them than when you say them. I was a step child and although I knew my step parents (who had their own children ) had great affection and even love for me I also knew that my mum and dad loved me more as I did them. It was all good really tbh. It’s just maybe best to keep conversations like this to when you see people face to face. He shouldn’t have read your phone but he must have had your password so maybe it’s something you do as a rule in your relationship?

And he wouldn't have. If he just minded his own business.

Women read men's messages it's mentioned on here all the time but no one should be doing it

@PointToItOnThePage most definitely we are all entitled to private conversations away from our spouses, no doubt about it! It's just unfortunate that he was able to see it, we're not angels and we will have grievances though it should be made sure that once said it goes into thin air and the recipient (or in this recipient's father) don't catch wind of it

And you need to look at his phone carefully

And that's great for you.
But you can't speak for them.
OP was in a private conversation
She didn't say this to the children

Irrelevant as you are.moaning about his kids not him

So you say he's already concerned how you feel about his children anyway. Then he sees their names pop up in a message ? how could he not look ? I know I would. So you wouldn't have a problem if you read the same on his fone. You've humiliated him also by your wording about his children to your friends.

“There is no way you can love them as your own as you didn’t give birth to them”, are you serious? What a horrible thing to say ☹️

I am truly baffled by the comments on here stating you can’t ever love a step child more than your own?!!!!!

I’ve had wonderful experiences with a step parent, who gave me so much support and guidance (heaps more than birth one, must I add). Awfully ignorant and daft comment.

With regard to reading the message, call me crazy but I don't think it's a big deal, you are a married couple, if there's nothing to hide then it shouldn't bother you. Perhaps you're just annoyed that he read something you know you shouldn't have written

But do put a PIN on your phone to keep everything safe

Ultimately, I think that if a step parent chooses to place themselves in a position where children will naturally ascribe parental-like role and responsibilities, then that person does have moral responsibilities towards the children. And while I understand that a person may deep down not feel the same - and there is nothing wrong with that - I don't think it follows that it is fine to have those kind of conversations. And this is particularly the case if you have your own kids together who are living with your step kids in a single household.

Surely no one loves step children like their own? You said it’s hard but they’re really good kids. I think that’s fine!

You have my every sympathy..I absolutely hated being a stepmum

I have to second this OP. I have a step parent and he speaks of me proudly as if I'm his daughter, I've heard him when he didn't think I was listening. So it's probably disheartening for your DH to read negative things being said about his kids. Imagine it was the other way around, that should put it in perspective for you

I think you absolutely can love kids as your own even if you didn’t give birth to them.

I would be full on raging that my DH read my messages, how dare he?
And beyond that I would refuse to engage.
You are not responsible for your friend's rant in the group chat
You are entitled to respond as you feel to your friends in group chat
They are your friends and your group chat

If he wants to unsettle your relationship because of something he saw by breaching your boundaries then that's on him. You have absolutely nothing to apologise for.

People who eavesdrop never hear any good of themselves (or their kids!).

I'd say your comments were perfectly fair. Ask him if he expects your step kids to love you as much as they love their Mum?

It's easy to say the right things.

And yet we see women posting so confused because they're divorcing their husband and now have a devastated oldest because he only wants to see his real child.

Thank you.

I love my adopted DS. I may not have given birth to him, but he is my boy.

Edited to say that I could see that it might be easier to form a stronger bond with an adopted child than with a step child if the other parent is very much part of the step child's life, as logically they probably will have a stronger bond with their actual parent. Whereas an adopted child generally doesn't have a lot of contact with their birth parent so you fill a parent shaped hole in their lives.