To feel hurt about not being invited to party

Regardless of this particular situation, I think we can all relate to that feeling of feeling left out.

Chin up @Hillwalker Perhaps widen your net a bit and join things with younger people as well.

Ah I see. You haven’t moved past the two mean girl modes of bitchy or emoticons.

Explains a lot.

There are really, really so many variables in this, making it so very hard to know where to even begin to unpick it.

So all I will say is this: when my mum was 60, we had a huge surprise party for her. More than two decades later, I still dread to think who we forgot or didn't know to invite. And trust me, it was far, far from personal.

Of course it doesn’t. But the OP is hurt and - rightly or wrongly - feels left out. And a previous poster having a dig and implying she is being pathetic and needy, was unpleasant and unnecessary

I’ve been their OP and I know how it hurts.

Yes the posters who love to be contradictory will give you a million reasons why you shouldn’t expect to be invited. But in reality it doesn’t stop it being upsetting. Especially if it’s someone you thought you were friendly with, even if you weren’t close friends. And then you wonder what you are doing wrong.

I’ve came to the understanding that if people like you and want to include you they will. It’s not something you can control.

If there is only 152 people in the village and 150 from the village were invited you might have a point - but by the sounds of it the village is bigger than that.

If this was a party for people involved in running the clubs and you were the only ones not invited then you may have a point. But this is his birthday for his friends and family so yabu.

Yes Yabu.

Being part of the community doesn’t mean you get automatic invites.

You not being invited to this man’s birthday doesn’t mean you aren’t part of the community.

So the good news is you are making roots and connections. But having those roots and connections won’t mean an invite to everything.

Yes, especially at 80!

Anyone who hires a village hall for a party as opposed to having it at home clearly has a lot of people they want to invite.

Plus, he's probably been to lots of friends' big birthdays, reunions and funerals over recent years and is going to prioritise inviting old friends from those over someone from the village quiz night who he sees regularly anyway.

He might have a very large extended family- if you factor in children, grandchildren, nieces, nephews, great nieces etc and all their partners and children- you could easily reach 150 people with only a few friends.

I imagine it's very easy for most people to formulate a list of 150 people who they'd consider close enough to invite to a party, without including random people from the community who they happen to pleasantly pass the time of day with if they bump into them and who happen to attend the same pub quiz.

It doesn't mean you're not part of the community.

It sounds to me like you perhaps think you should have been invited because you've taken up what you consider key roles in certain groups. Unless you come back with a huge drip feed nothing in your OP indicates that you are close to this chap in any way at all.

I had a party with 130 people, all family and close friends. None of them simply because they were from the same community.

You're still very new in the village, so I wouldn't take it personally.

I assume the village hall is where you do some of your community things, but that it's also available for private hire.

I can see why you might feel left out if there are other events in the same place that would be open to you, but this was a private party. You get used to the fact that private events happen in the community space - it's just one of those things in villages, and it's important as those private events pay towards the upkeep of the community space that everyone can benefit from.

Also, there is limited capacity and presumably, in addition to locals, many of the guests were friends and family from outside the village.

They can't invite everyone they've ever met, and I'm sure you wouldn't be able to invite everyone in the village either if you had a party there.

Did you want me to add a little heart to my opinion? People post on these boards for honest opinions to make a judgement if they were unreasonable or not. Judging by people's comments, they then weigh up if the consensus was that they were in fact unreasonable or not.

Unless you have been inside his house for a cuppa then I wouldn’t expect an invite. If my neighbour expected an invite to my party I would be confused.

Yes. You could have made your point in a much kinder way @Charlotttee

Not being invited to the party of a random acquaintance doesn't mean OP hasn't made some connections.

I'm confused as to why you expected to be invited tbh.
Sounds like he's not a friend, more an acquaintance. He will have friends and quite possibly a large extended family (siblings, children, great grandchildren even), as well as old work colleagues, hobby friends etc.
You could always host an event and invite people?

They may have a large family as well as long term friends, it's really easy to fill 150 people like that.

Not unreasonable to feel as you do given 150 people

Yes callous

it was a gratuitously mean response to an OP who is feeling fragile because she’s struggling to make roots in her community.

it’s wild that you think your response was reasonable

It wasn’t a community event. Are you actually friends with him?
The quizzes for example - do you mean that you've been to a community quiz and sat near them and got on, or have arranged between you to be a team of 4 and actually had a specific friendship?
Going on a organised walk with someone doesn’t make you friends.

Yes it was slightly harsh. He had 150 people there, so its not just close friends.

Don't feel bad OP, our wedding was about 150 people, and there were a number of people who we truly consider friends who we sadly didn't have space for. It is perfectly possible that the same applies here.
It sounds like a lot, but when you factor in children, grandchildren, siblings, their children & grandchildren, cousins, in-laws, friends going back decades, old colleagues, old schoolmates, plus all their partners, and any children who are still at home, the numbers rise very quickly.

You can give an honest opinion and still bear in mind the feelings of the person you are responding to.

I can see why you might have hoped to have been invited but you are really only an acquaintence of this man rather than a friend.
I know what villages are like and 4 years is only a drop in the ocean given that some people will have been there all their lives. Sounds like you are doing all the right things, keep going