Page 5 | “The lady will tell you off”

notedbiscuits · 2024-09-08T17:47:59+00:00

When I am in shops, I often see kids mucking around and a parent says something like “please stop that or you get told off by the lady “ (staff member) Why do parents say this? It should be themselves who tell off their children not shop staff.

ButterAsADip · 08/09/2024 19:13

When I worked in a cafe and got this, I’d just go ‘ah, no I won’t :)’ and got glared at by every parent who tried it 😇 it’s such a fucking cop out. Same as saying ‘Santa won’t come’ etc…. He definitely will still anyway as you’re not gonna do that to your kid, so it’s pointless.

Spomb · 08/09/2024 19:08

It shows how their behaviour affects others outside their bubble. It’s not theirs, so of course if they broke an item (or generally caused a scene in someone’s place of work) they should expect the person’s who’s it is to be upset and tell them off.

This is how the world works, they can’t expect just to be answerable to mummy and daddy all their lives.

dreamer24 · 08/09/2024 19:08

StrawberrySquash · 08/09/2024 19:04

I think it's fine. The space 'belongs' to the lady so she is the one in charge of how it works, hence the child needs to respect her rules. It's a way of the parent saying you must behave in this was here because of that. Having been 'the lady' I've never taken it as a request to parent someone's child.
It's also an acknowledgement from the parent that they are dealing with the kid.

All of this. And often it's more effective as others have said. Parents who say this aren't actually expecting "the lady" to parent their kids 😂

Muthauckas · 08/09/2024 19:07

YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 08/09/2024 18:49

Because it can be a quick and easy way to stop the behaviour, which may not be perfect parenting but is very tempting!

Your mum telling you no a hundred times is just background noise, being told off by a stranger is much more impactful.

It can also be more impactful to use an outside rule rather than just mum saying no, ie that's the rules of the cafe so we don't have a choice.

This.

And also it tells the child that what they are doing is actually against the shop 'rules' rather than just something their mum/dad would prefer they didn't do. Which is also more impactful.

StrawberrySquash · 08/09/2024 19:04

I think it's fine. The space 'belongs' to the lady so she is the one in charge of how it works, hence the child needs to respect her rules. It's a way of the parent saying you must behave in this was here because of that. Having been 'the lady' I've never taken it as a request to parent someone's child.
It's also an acknowledgement from the parent that they are dealing with the kid.

MuseumAssistant · 08/09/2024 18:59

TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 08/09/2024 18:52

Just say, “No, I don’t parent other people’s children.”

Which would make you look very silly considering telling a child off is completely different to parenting them.

I expect they'd walk away confused as to why you don't know this.

Catlord · 08/09/2024 18:58

doodleygirl · 08/09/2024 18:55

Because so many parents don’t want to
patent, the don’t want to be the bad guy.

Doubt they're doing it all day, my parents certainly weren't. Just on occasion to momentarily stop whatever was happening in a public place (going to touch goods for sale etc). I don't think they ever expected anyone else to step in, it was just to get a quick result and I suppose make clear who else might be impacted

MinervaMcGonagallsCat · 08/09/2024 18:58

Cause sometimes it's what you need to say to get the little buggers to behave.

MuseumAssistant · 08/09/2024 18:57

I get this a lot in my job.

It doesn't really bother me as most parents only say it when they're at their wits' end.

I normally just look at the child, smile and say firmly "That's right, you mustn't do that in here because XYZ" and that usually puts an end to it.

doodleygirl · 08/09/2024 18:55

Parent

doodleygirl · 08/09/2024 18:55

Because so many parents don’t want to
patent, the don’t want to be the bad guy.

Catlord · 08/09/2024 18:55

Breaks the pattern of mum or dad telling them off and brings in accountability to an outside figure who may be stricter or represent unknown consequences or just make them stop and think for a second. I haven't got kids but I remember it working for minor faffing about when little!

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 08/09/2024 18:55

TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 08/09/2024 18:52

Just say, “No, I don’t parent other people’s children.”

FFS they’re not actually asking the other person to parent their children. Sometimes you need something to snap them out of the behaviour and reminding them that there are other people around can help. It’s a consequence. So if mine was about to break something in a shop it would be ‘you’ll have to pay for it’ or ‘the shopkeeper will tell you off’ - not lying is it??

TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 08/09/2024 18:52

Just say, “No, I don’t parent other people’s children.”

areallmotherslikethis · 08/09/2024 18:52

YABVVVVU

anotherlevel · 08/09/2024 18:51

YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 08/09/2024 18:49

Because it can be a quick and easy way to stop the behaviour, which may not be perfect parenting but is very tempting!

Your mum telling you no a hundred times is just background noise, being told off by a stranger is much more impactful.

It can also be more impactful to use an outside rule rather than just mum saying no, ie that's the rules of the cafe so we don't have a choice.

exactly this.

blackfriday1 · 08/09/2024 18:51

Sometimes it's just the quickest and easiest way to get your kids to tow the line. I assume you don't have children?

YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 08/09/2024 18:49

Because it can be a quick and easy way to stop the behaviour, which may not be perfect parenting but is very tempting!

Your mum telling you no a hundred times is just background noise, being told off by a stranger is much more impactful.

It can also be more impactful to use an outside rule rather than just mum saying no, ie that's the rules of the cafe so we don't have a choice.