“The lady will tell you off”

I always wanted dd to feel able to ask staff in shops/police for help so told her these were people to be trusted. I'm the one who sets the rules!

Kids care far more about the unknown reactions of strangers. My toddler can be an absolute hellbeast for me, fight me all the way and back down the second I threaten to call her nursery key worker and tell her about it. It's not lack of discipline but a different disciplinary technique
what does the key worker think about it I wonder?
You may achieve what you want in the short term but your long term aim should be a child who is kind, respectful etc because its the right thing to do not because some stranger will be cross with them if they don't
this applies to all the 'the lady will tell you off' so called strategies
it's lazy thoughtless parenting

Exactly - as my example above, if the child then started screaming/petrified of what we (as nurses) were about to do, they'd be v quick to ask if we needed to do that/not be able to help calm their child/show empathy towards them.

Years back I was a Paeds A&E nurse & nothing ground my gears more than parents saying "behave or the nurse will give you an injection" - we needed to quickly build trust and a rapport with kids so that we could effectively assess & treat them with as little additional stress.

I made no bones about calling the parent out about it immediately in front of their child - and saw it as a red flag that the parent was unlikely to be engaging/able to help us help their child.

It takes a village and bluffing with a village will help

It's not as bad as telling them their dad will tell them off later or whatever. You shouldn't have to defer to the other parent.

I wonder how many of you who use the "stranger' warning would actually tolerate said stranger telling your child off if, in their opinion, and on their territory, they decided your child needed disciplining.

Kids care far more about the unknown reactions of strangers. My toddler can be an absolute hellbeast for me, fight me all the way and back down the second I threaten to call her nursery key worker and tell her about it. It's not lack of discipline but a different disciplinary technique

I hated it when mums used to say that when I worked in shops..I'm as likely to tell someone's kids off as I am to win the lottery

Hahaha @notedbiscuits perhaps you overheard me in the supermarket? The cafe? Oh the gym? I do use this when I am utterly exasperated by my young twins ignoring me and by gosh it works 🤣🤣🤣
I do parent them well, and do teach respect and discipline. Pretty sure I’m not scarring them or me or the strangers for life 🤷‍♀️

I was in a shop once (card factory) and a staff member called my son naughty because he knocked a pack of tissue paper off the shelf. Intentionally or unintentionally I'm not sure because I didn't see it. A staff member called my son naughty. Didn't go down well, be careful what you wish for.

It also gives children the idea that they should regulate their behaviour because of what other people think rather than before they themselves know what the best course of action is. So on one hand, over reliance on other people and their opinions which may or may not be relevant, which doesn’t seem healthy and on the other hand an idea that you can behave how you want if a third party doesn’t see you doing it.

I just say, “oh gosh, I think she’s calling the police”.

YANBU. it’s one thing explaining that a person who runs a shop won’t like it if little Johnny breaks their stock or runs round knocking things off shelves but quite another to point at random people and say they will “tell little Johnny off” simply because you the parent have no authority or don’t want to be the bad guy.

DSS’s mum uses this tactic because she hates to say no to him. But is happy to paint other people as the scary nasty ones (inc me and his Dad of course). It’s lazy parenting all over.

I used to hate this so much when I was a waitress - nothing to do with me if you can’t control your kids!! I think it’s really lazy parenting and makes the other person out to be the bad guy.

I’m often “the lady” who the parents say will tell their kids off. It does my head in. Tell your own kids off. Ironically it’s often said by parents who would go tits at you if you dared even looked at their kids funny.

I have had to tell children in the shops I’ve worked in to stop behaving dangerously (running up and down aisles, throwing stuff, crashing trolleys into each other) and the best I can hope for is passive aggressive comments from the parents if they’re about rather than out and out aggression.

I'm pretty sure if "the lady" did tell the little darlings off, their parent would give "the lady" an earful of abuse. I hate lazy parenting, and making other people the bad guy because you can't control your children.

My child ignores me when I say no.

I often say this in a jokey way to my kids out and about. My kids, particularly my youngest, are MUCH more concerned with what adults outside the family think of them and so are much more likely to behave nicely if I say that than if I say to them: 'Stop doing that.'

My kids won't listen to me but if tell them the security guard invariable at the entrance to the shop is a police man they soon stop messing about

Does it really matter though? When I'm harassed and the kids have gone feral surely any benign tactic is better than letting them run riot??

In Ireland it was 'the man' (or it was when my DS was little!

Children know parents love them no matter what and keep pushing .. sometimes and outside person with rules for that place works. Yabvvvu. This is a parent asking for help from the village. I've done it. Child licking the bus stop...mum had said 100x times it wasn't clean and her eyes caught me and she said that lady thinks it's unclean too. I smiled and said it's yucky and make your tummy hurt..2 year old stopped licking the bus stop and say down...mum mouthed me thanks...

@LondonFox

If you'd seen posts since my first one, you'll know it isn't a tactic I have used.

I've just seen it work and I wouldn't judge parents in public or on MN who have done that.

Completely agree with this. I work in a very lovely historic attraction, and the amount of times I hear 'that lady will tell you off' is unbelievable. If I did try to tell their little darlings off I'd probably end up sacked no matter how nicely I did it. I always tell their parents to tell them to stop doing something because they may get hurt etc. I can't just tell someone to leave, get them to pay for something etc as that isn't company policy. I got hit by something a child was throwing around the shop the other day (I don't think he realised the consequences of what he was throwing) but I had to smile and say I was fine. At least it didn't hit anything more delicate and expensive!!

Their words have little to no authority, so they make it someone else's job.

I just pretend I can neither see nor hear them😏.