I have known that my partners brother hasn’t liked me for ages and I don’t like him either since he hasn’t been very nice to me.
Past incidents include:
My child (under 2 at the time) was playing near their fan and he almost knocked it over and he just started shouting at me and calling me f*ing useless. I told him not to speak to me like that and we left soon after.
We were at the beach and I was walking with my child (2 at the time) and started walking up a hill so I went with him and one of his kids followed us (5 years old) and we passed a hole on the way up and my child was looking into it and then when we came back down he was shouting at me as there was a hole and they could have fallen into it. It wasn’t an ‘oh no! Look, there’s a hole here have you seen it?’ it was a ‘why are you so useless? Look after the children!’ type of shouting.
There’s probably more but it’s not really necessary to list them as I’m sure you get the idea from those of the tone he uses/how he sees me.
Anyway, today was my child’s birthday party and he came with his kids and his parents (he lives with them and it was their weekend to have the kids). One of his kids almost knocked the bouncy castle over so I went to the waiting room where they were all sitting and said that one of them needs to be watching them and his mum (my partners mum/my child’s grandma) said that there was nowhere to stand yet every other parent was managing it and watching their kids 🙄
Anyway, he comes over with his mum, she talks to the child, he asks why I wasn’t dealing with it/watching her and I said she’s not my child and I must have asked what his problem was as he said that he had a problem with me.
So later on I talk to his mum, say I don’t want to see him again and ask what the problem is. Well, apparently they all have some issues with me as I’m controlling and sometimes when I talk I come across as rude. I have autism so I probably do come across as rude sometimes as I just say what I’m thinking and don’t lie ect. But that’s just how it is and they should really be understanding of that.
As for me being controlling, I won’t let my partner cut his hair. What I actually said was, I’d prefer it if he didn’t cut his hair as he has a bald spot which he hates and is really self concious about and I’m the one that has to live with him and I know that if he gets a haircut he will be able to see it more and will be sad - his hair is now cut and I was right. It wasn’t about the haircut it was about the after affects and how he would feel.
She also said that she used to hang out with him on his own all the time before he met me and I said I’m not stopping him from doing that now but then she said that she would like to spend time with just him and our child like she does with his brother and his brothers kids. It’s completely different as his brother lives with her and the kids stay with them on his weekends. Plus, I don’t want to give up time with my child. I have every right to be with him if I want to be and my partner has said he doesn’t even want to do things on his own with him yet!!
Then she said that we have no control over him like when he throws things. The only time she sees him is when my partner is there too and when we’re at their house (which is the majority of the times that we see them) I feel like it is my partner’s responsibility to do the parenting as it is his families house and I just don’t feel comfortable with it and he has previously agreed. However, we also don’t see every little thing as a big thing that needs to be told off like they do. It doesn’t really matter if he throws a little thing a short distance as he plays but if he were to throw it at people then I would obviously say no and take it off of him. His brothers kids get told off for things that I find silly but everyone parents differently and our child is far from badly behaved and it’s really non of their business. My parents and my friends have never said anything negative about my parenting and my best friend and some mum friends have said that I’m a good mum.
She also said that he doesn’t want to live where we are currently living and we’re only here because I want to be. I know he doesn’t like it here (mainly because the landlord doesn’t come and fix problems) and I do want to stay in the area we are in but I haven’t said I won’t move. He has said that he doesn’t want to go through the effort/stress of moving though.
What would you do?? This isn’t right is it??