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Original poster

My brother and his girlfriend announced their pregnancy and my mum asked me in front of everyone if I was jealous *MNHQ adding CW for CSA*

168 replies

awown · 08/09/2024 16:45

I knew my mum would do this. She has always accused me since I was a child if I was jealous of my brother. Like when he got his first job and birthdays etc

I'm not jealous at all. I'm very happy for them. She's always played games and made me out to be the family villain almost.

I have 3 kids of my own. I've never done any announcements etc, I've always just told everyone. And she kept looking at me and being very strange

Then came sat next to me and kept asking me loudly are you okay??? As in jealous

I'm down at the minute in general because I'm having health issues but that is all. I've not been myself in a while and she knew this I had told her this. I also asked her to keep this a secret and she announced that at everyone too whilst laughing about it.

I knew she'd do that and she's stirred it in the family saying I'm jealous.

I think I'm going to cut her off. She has always made me out to be a liar, over dramatic and jealous. I'm none of those things. I'm perfectly normal and a good sibling at that. I'm always encouraging and so happy for my family when something good happens.

She just uses me to stir drama. She did it growing up. She'd turn everyone against me.

She massively massively favours my brother he is her golden child. With my three children she was very unbothered. Even when they were born it was oh okay. With my brother she's happy crying all the time. Has photos of him as a baby on her phone and is extremely excited. She even made the comment I'll finally be a grandparent. I have three children. My grandparents also commented on her posts saying we will finally be great grandparents

My family couldn't make it more obvious they do not consider me a part of it or even like me. They have done this to me since I was a child. Even when I got into uni my grandad reaction was "you'll just quit like you do with everything". I was 17 I'd never quit anything before.

Then my mum creating the hatred towards me over being jealous because they are having a baby is crazy. I'm no longer with my partner so I'm assuming that's why she thinks I'd be jealous? I have no idea how I'd possibly be jealous when I have three wonderful children of my own?

Do I cut my family off?

OP posts:
June16th · 08/09/2024 16:56

That is peak awfulness

EineReiseDurchDieZeit · 08/09/2024 16:56

Completely justified in going NC

FatArse123 · 08/09/2024 16:55

Another vote for "be free"! Families should be about mutual support, not this.

bringmorewashing · 08/09/2024 16:54

I'm sorry, your mum and grandparents sound horrible. You must have had a tough time growing up with that sort of treatment.

I wouldn't blame you for cutting them off, no one needs that crap, especially when not well. Although they'd probably enjoy the drama of it, so maybe minimal contact and trying to 'grey rock' them is better.

Do you get on with your brother? Does he see how they treat you? I hope so and that you have someone you can talk to.

Scandiviews1 · 08/09/2024 16:54

Your parents and grandparents sound unhinged. Why would they think that you don't have children that are related to them?

Original poster
awown · 08/09/2024 16:53

@FuckThePoPo yes my best friend said that's horrendous. She's asked to take me out.

No the family is widely accepting of the fact I am not really part of it

I think I have no choice but to cut them off because it will be so so bad with favouritism of my brother's child over my own.

OP posts:
ElsaLion · 08/09/2024 16:53

I think you would be completely justified to reduce contact with your mother/family @awown - her deliberate insistence of rivalry between you and your brother, negative attitude towards your own life experiences and decisions, and complete disregard for your three DC all seem part of a very twisted way she views your place in the family.

We cut contact with DH's family last year for similar reasons, and since then my BIL (the golden child) has welcomed his first child, an event which I know would have been regarded as the second coming by DH's family, of course forgetting their existing grandchildren (our DC) have received no word from them for the past year.

I would certainly advise you consider the benefits of reducing/cutting contact.

HoppityBun · 08/09/2024 16:53

Anna Runkle, The Crappy Childhood Fairy, has been recommended by MNs and she did a recent podcast - 30 August on Family Emotional Abuse.

“It’s a terrible form of abuse when whole families gang up on one person. Sometimes it’s scapegoating, where they blame you for problems you never caused. Sometimes it’s just plain bullying and cruelty, and of course it leaves terrible wounds, even when you KNOW the abuse was about them, not you, and even when you’ve worked hard to create a good life for yourself – you can end up feeling disconnected from people. And if that’s you, I want you to let in that a) other people’s abuse doesn’t define you and b) healing is possible”

LynetteScavo · 08/09/2024 16:51

Very odd behaviour. Why would they say they finally get to be great/grandparents? Are you adopted? Or are your children a different race or religion to them? They sound so awful I just wouldn't bother anymore.

Irishpoppy · 08/09/2024 16:50

I’m so so sorry. Your mum is an outright bully. I haven’t cut off my mum but I have seriously limited my relationship because her presence is toxic and I want to protect my own children from that.
Have a read of the book ‘adult children of emotionally immature parents’. I think much of it will resonate with you. Sending you love.

Original poster
awown · 08/09/2024 16:50

@jeaux90 yes they are. I'm civil to my grandparents I do not consider them to be my grandparents because of their treatment towards me. They used to tell me I wasn't one of them. I was the other side of the family.

Even when watching tv I asked who an actress was and my grandad replied a very beautiful women something you could never be. They endlessly comment on my weight (I'm a size 6) that I was always so fat especially as a child (I'm such a normal weight looking at photos). Always my appearance. And my intelligence, how I'm so dumb. It was such a shock when boys at school fancied me. I also went to uni and did law ..

I have no idea what as a child I did to make them hate me so much

OP posts:
Bluenotgreen · 08/09/2024 16:49

Yeah she sounds like my mother. There’s a website called daughters of narcissistic mothers that’s pretty informative.

I am NC with my mother after years of abuse. I would probably try to stay in contact with your brother, unless he is actively toxic.

HerVagestyTheQueef · 08/09/2024 16:48

Do you cut them off? Bloody hell, yes. Do yourself a favour and dump. Your family sound like bloody awful bullies.

Dotto · 08/09/2024 16:48

Of course you do, what a bunch of cock-juggling thundercunts. Be free!

soberholic · 08/09/2024 16:48

I don't understand why people don't do NC more easily?

FuckThePoPo · 08/09/2024 16:48

Didn't anyone comment on the posts about grandparents? No one at all? I mean that's very strange surely your friends and family know there are already grandchildren?

Gettingannoyednow · 08/09/2024 16:48

What's your relationship with your brother like?

Your mum etc - it doesn't sound like you'd miss them.

jeaux90 · 08/09/2024 16:47

They sound bloody horrible.

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