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Original poster

My brother and his girlfriend announced their pregnancy and my mum asked me in front of everyone if I was jealous *MNHQ adding CW for CSA*

168 replies

awown · 08/09/2024 16:45

I knew my mum would do this. She has always accused me since I was a child if I was jealous of my brother. Like when he got his first job and birthdays etc

I'm not jealous at all. I'm very happy for them. She's always played games and made me out to be the family villain almost.

I have 3 kids of my own. I've never done any announcements etc, I've always just told everyone. And she kept looking at me and being very strange

Then came sat next to me and kept asking me loudly are you okay??? As in jealous

I'm down at the minute in general because I'm having health issues but that is all. I've not been myself in a while and she knew this I had told her this. I also asked her to keep this a secret and she announced that at everyone too whilst laughing about it.

I knew she'd do that and she's stirred it in the family saying I'm jealous.

I think I'm going to cut her off. She has always made me out to be a liar, over dramatic and jealous. I'm none of those things. I'm perfectly normal and a good sibling at that. I'm always encouraging and so happy for my family when something good happens.

She just uses me to stir drama. She did it growing up. She'd turn everyone against me.

She massively massively favours my brother he is her golden child. With my three children she was very unbothered. Even when they were born it was oh okay. With my brother she's happy crying all the time. Has photos of him as a baby on her phone and is extremely excited. She even made the comment I'll finally be a grandparent. I have three children. My grandparents also commented on her posts saying we will finally be great grandparents

My family couldn't make it more obvious they do not consider me a part of it or even like me. They have done this to me since I was a child. Even when I got into uni my grandad reaction was "you'll just quit like you do with everything". I was 17 I'd never quit anything before.

Then my mum creating the hatred towards me over being jealous because they are having a baby is crazy. I'm no longer with my partner so I'm assuming that's why she thinks I'd be jealous? I have no idea how I'd possibly be jealous when I have three wonderful children of my own?

Do I cut my family off?

OP posts:
Original poster
awown · 08/09/2024 17:22

@IOSTT yes my sister reported it. He committed suicide as to avoid jail. He was going to be found guilty. They sound so much child pornogrspgy on his devices.

OP posts:
itsgettingweird · 08/09/2024 17:21

Do you not just say "why would I be jealous? I have 3 kids of my own".

Make the, justify why they'd think that.

But yes, I'd go NC so you don't have to. Better not to have people in your life than have people who make you miserable in it.

Remember - it's not you - it's them. Flowers

Aquamarine1029 · 08/09/2024 17:20

Op, genuinely, you should never, ever communicate with any of these people again. It's that bad. Just vanish from their fucked up lives without a second thought.

KerryBlues · 08/09/2024 17:19

I think I'm going to cut her off.
Do.
She sounds nuts and it’s hard to see what she adds to your life Flowers

IOSTT · 08/09/2024 17:18

Has anyone spoken to the police about all of this sexual abuse?

Starlight7080 · 08/09/2024 17:18

After that update I wouldn't want my children anywhere near your parents or grandparents.
They must have all known and let it happen . That's shocking .
This now sounds like a netflix documentary. Sorry op that this is your life. In some ways I think it should not be should you go no contact but should your mum have been arrested for her hand in the abuse you and your siblings suffered

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 08/09/2024 17:17

@awown I thought my mother was bad!!! your mother is absolutely horrible!! go no contact and you will feel lighter and happier within a week!! Honestly, I did it and felt so relieved! she is ignoring her grandkids, your kids! that is not on!

Cherrysoup · 08/09/2024 17:15

Wouldn’t even make the effort to tell them you’re going nc. Grandparents =your dad’s parents? They’re all unhinged to say they’re finally going to be gps/ggps! Mad as.

Original poster
awown · 08/09/2024 17:14

@Josette77 she swears he'd never do that to his own children. But then slipped up and spoke about a rash all the girls had in their nappies which couldn't be caused by anything other than sexual assault.

She then went back on herself and said that wasn't true.

She allowed it fully with my older sister

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Original poster
awown · 08/09/2024 17:13

@Josette77 my mum has 9 children. 8 to my dad.

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Josette77 · 08/09/2024 17:12

Your mom had nine children and let them all be sexual abused by your dad?

How many kids are there in total?

Dotto · 08/09/2024 17:12

awown · 08/09/2024 17:10

@Dotto that's very strange you say that, he sexually abused my older sister. I think my mum noticed him looking at me in a certain way. However she always said he'd never do that to his "own daughter" and swears by it

But also accidentally admitted to all of her girls as baby's having rashes that could only be caused by sexual assault.

I'm so sorry. I'd get as far away from all of them as you possibly can. Don't say anything (it'd give them the satisfaction). Just ignore.

Have you been able to access any counselling over the years?

Original poster
awown · 08/09/2024 17:10

@Dotto that's very strange you say that, he sexually abused my older sister. I think my mum noticed him looking at me in a certain way. However she always said he'd never do that to his "own daughter" and swears by it

But also accidentally admitted to all of her girls as baby's having rashes that could only be caused by sexual assault.

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Original poster
awown · 08/09/2024 17:08

@Wwyd2025 my dad is dead. He died when I was 18.

More with my dad he sexually abused my older sister who was his step daughter.

Once again my grandparents said all his doing was also me. Even though I was a child being manipulated by both parents that his behaviour with her was normal and they were adults who didn't know anything? Yet it wasn't hidden from them.

It's already a horrible family dynamics with that being our history. My mum knew and told my sister never to tell her anything so disgusting again. And allowed the abuse. She said she limited it by hiding the blanket from the living room. She had 9 children to this man and allowed the abuse to have baby after baby. She brain washed me into thinking his behaviour was normal. She also told me he was her real dad yet told my sister he wasn't. Because apparently I'd not include her as much etc. I've never done anything at all like that

OP posts:
Thevelvelletes · 08/09/2024 17:06

awown · 08/09/2024 16:50

@jeaux90 yes they are. I'm civil to my grandparents I do not consider them to be my grandparents because of their treatment towards me. They used to tell me I wasn't one of them. I was the other side of the family.

Even when watching tv I asked who an actress was and my grandad replied a very beautiful women something you could never be. They endlessly comment on my weight (I'm a size 6) that I was always so fat especially as a child (I'm such a normal weight looking at photos). Always my appearance. And my intelligence, how I'm so dumb. It was such a shock when boys at school fancied me. I also went to uni and did law ..

I have no idea what as a child I did to make them hate me so much

Ditch them..they bring nothing good to your wellbeing or that of your children as in being singled out as second best to your brother's kid.

Starlight7080 · 08/09/2024 17:06

That's awful . I wonder if your mums behaviour stems from how she was treated .
You sound like you have been though an awful lot . And not had the support from your family you should have .
I think for your own mental health then distance from them would be good. Hide all social media from them and just avoid as much as you can . Whist still having a relationship with your brother
If your mum doesn't see or speak to you atleast she won't be able to make more lies up or use you as the punch bag at family events .

Dotto · 08/09/2024 17:06

Ignore this if applicable, was your Dad abusive to you and your twisted Mum was jealous of you? I'm sorry if that offends anyone, not my intention. Reminds me of another scenario I know of.

BMW6 · 08/09/2024 17:04

I think you should totally cut them off 100% without any further thought.

Don't bother announcing it - just cease contact, change phone number, don't read any letters

Any chance you could move so they won't be able to reach you?

Original poster
awown · 08/09/2024 17:02

@Starlight7080 no I have the same dad as my brother.

But now you say that. My older sister doesn't. They hated my dad so much. I'm his first born.

There was problems at home and I went to my gran thinking she will do something. My mum did nothing. I told her everything and she said "that's your dad you have to deal with it". I felt incredibly guilty for everything that ever happen and like it was my fault.

The weirdest thing is I look the least like him. Behave the least like him. How similar I am to my mum is crazy. I'm told we're twins.

My grandparents are the same my uncle is their golden child. They don't think much of my mum. When she had kids they couldn't have cared less.

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Original poster
awown · 08/09/2024 16:59

@bringmorewashing my brother and I didn't speak for many many years. We have been back in contact maybe 5 years. Only close this year

My mums doing. She told him I laughed at his pet dying. I never. This was as kids.

We have a good relationship now

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Starlight7080 · 08/09/2024 16:58

That's awful . Im so sorry you had to deal with them all as a child and now .
Is it related to your dad ? Do you have a different dad to your brother.
My mil was always very outspoken about how much she disliked one of her grandsons . Because she hated his dad .
It was awful behaviour . At family events we all used to keep him away from her and give him loads of attention and make sure he never new how she felt.
His mum did and that was bad enough .

CormorantStrikesBack · 08/09/2024 16:57

She even made the comment I'll finally be a grandparent.

did you say anything to her?? If not I’d text her now and call her out on that.

yes I would go nc. But if your relationship with your brother is good I’d stay in touch with him. It’s not his fault?

Greentreesandbushes · 08/09/2024 16:56

I would call her out on the Facebook comments, “er Mum are you ok? You already have three grandchildren”

Wwyd2025 · 08/09/2024 16:56

What about your dad?

Original poster
awown · 08/09/2024 16:56

@LynetteScavo oh I never even had a thought of that

No I am not adopted. I actually look so much like my grandad. We have the same face.

My children are mixed race - that didn't even cross my mind.

But it's definitely more to do with me than my children.

He used to say growing up I was nothing like the family. It's strange because as much as my brother is the golden child with my mum. My older sister was with my grandparents. They'd say things like she's the only one who's them. I'm not them. In my 6 year old brain I truly believed I was adopted. I thought they were telling me this. If only.

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