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AIBU?

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Original poster

pregnant sister drinking redbull

137 replies

handsoap · 08/09/2024 16:10

i've had 2 children myself, and did no drink any energy drinks due to the fear of what could happen. my sister is 36 weeks pregnant, drinks a 355ml of redbull a day and has multiple coffees a day.

i have told her multiple times that she shouldn't be having so much caffeine as it goes straight through to her placenta and she doesn't listen to me or anyone, she hides it from her boyfriend. i think she forgets it's her own child she has put at risk here, no one else's. she also occasionally vapes.

am i being an *hole for calling her out?

OP posts:
Original poster
handsoap · 08/09/2024 19:04

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assuming you are the type of mother to do this.

OP posts:
Thudercatsrule · 08/09/2024 19:02

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Original poster
handsoap · 08/09/2024 18:59

Kentuckycriedfrickin · 08/09/2024 18:53

behind her boyfriends back, our parents and her in laws. like i said, it is only her child that is the real victim here.

She's a grown adult and what she chooses to drink is none of your business or her boyfriend's or your parents or her in-laws. Stop infantilising her. She knows the risks, she's made her choice. Your advice has not been asked for, welcomed, or heeded so stop giving it before you end up damaging your relationship with her.

surely she is hiding it because she knows it is wrong. and yes, her partner deserves to know she vapes & drinks over the recommended intake of caffeine if it could be affecting THEIR child.

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Needanewname42 · 08/09/2024 18:58

Devilsmommy · 08/09/2024 16:12

I'd be more worried about the taurine in it. That shit rots adult stomachs, never mind all the other crap in it that wouldn't be good for a baby aswell

Where's your evidence for this?

Original poster
handsoap · 08/09/2024 18:56

@Choochoo21 i have no idea! she stopped taking her birth control without telling her boyfriend, in a pretty shitty situation as they are both early 30s and live with my parents. she had just been broken up with after being cheated on in her past relationship of 9 years.

me and my parents think she baby trapped him because she is getting older and has always wanted a child. caused endless arguments with me when i was pregnant with my first and even planned to block me and our family because i 'stole' her baby name.

she has called her unborn baby a b*tch, a cow. etc. like i said, she has always lived jn a fairy world and probably didn't realise how shit pregnancy really was until it was too late.

OP posts:
Kentuckycriedfrickin · 08/09/2024 18:53

behind her boyfriends back, our parents and her in laws. like i said, it is only her child that is the real victim here.

She's a grown adult and what she chooses to drink is none of your business or her boyfriend's or your parents or her in-laws. Stop infantilising her. She knows the risks, she's made her choice. Your advice has not been asked for, welcomed, or heeded so stop giving it before you end up damaging your relationship with her.

Original poster
handsoap · 08/09/2024 18:53

Lemonadeand · 08/09/2024 18:48

You’ve made your point so I think you need to stop berating her now. You’re right but she’s clearly not going to listen.

like i have said. i have only mentioned it 3 times during her whole pregnancy.

only came to ask what people thought since baby isn't growing much anymore.

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Choochoo21 · 08/09/2024 18:52

YANBU what an incredibly selfish woman!

I don’t understand why women get pregnant/continue with the pregnancy but do things that can harm the unborn baby.

You have given her the advice and now it’s on her whether she wants to risk losing the baby or it being harmed.
There’s nothing else you can do.

Does she not want this baby?

Original poster
handsoap · 08/09/2024 18:52

@Bringautumnnights ex smoker, ex alcoholic and caffeine user. don't tell me about struggles i have already come acrossed and faced. yes everyone is different, but when you decide and plan to have a child, you sacrifice your issues for the health and benefit of your child that had no choice to be here.

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Lemonadeand · 08/09/2024 18:48

You’ve made your point so I think you need to stop berating her now. You’re right but she’s clearly not going to listen.

Bringautumnnights · 08/09/2024 18:47

handsoap · 08/09/2024 18:37

i get it. but nicotine & drug addiction are completely more horrible to control then a caffeine one. like i said before, she stopped and the decided to get back into because of a tiktok.

Show quote history

Unless you've been addicted to all of them then you have no way of knowing that.

My husbands been addicted to smoking and energy drinks. His caffeine withdrawal was much much worse than giving up smoking.

He was in physical pain with caffeine withdrawal.

LittleBitAlexisLaLaLaLaLa · 08/09/2024 18:45

You’re not wrong in that all that this stuff isn’t good for the baby, but you’ve told her, she knows and has continued so there’s not much else you can do.

How is your sister generally? How’s her pregnancy going? If she’s stressed, totally knackered a bit down etc maybe the cans of red bull etc are a way to give herself a boost? Caffeine can be really addictive anyway but it’s a lot harder to cut down if you have a lot going on.

Just4thisthreadtoday · 08/09/2024 18:42

stripybobblehat · 08/09/2024 16:23

I got told to drink a can of coke a day during my 2nd trimester

@stripybobblehat

that's a bit different than the sister doing what she's doing though.

Original poster
handsoap · 08/09/2024 18:39

@NormalAuntFanny i completely agree. people are making it out like it's the only thing i mention to her! the first time was at the start of pregnancy & she did stop. then the second time was when she started drinking then again at 28/29 weeks or whatever she was and then recently due to the growth declining. it has been mentioned 3 times during her whole 36 weeks of pregnancy FFS!

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Original poster
handsoap · 08/09/2024 18:37

Differentstarts · 08/09/2024 18:02

I'm with you on this if I had my way I'd ban energy drinks all together horrible things. However I smoked all the way through my first pregnancy and it honestly made no difference what people said to me I just wasn't interested in hearing it, the first 20 weeks I was still drinking and doing drugs I just didn't care. You just can't make people do things they don't want to do

i get it. but nicotine & drug addiction are completely more horrible to control then a caffeine one. like i said before, she stopped and the decided to get back into because of a tiktok.

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Original poster
handsoap · 08/09/2024 18:36

FinallyYouSaid · 08/09/2024 18:06

Yes YABU.

You've said your piece, you've told her a number of times. Unless she's deaf or has memory issues, she's heard you. She's aware.

What she does from that point is up to her. Going on and on about it and 'calling her out' will achieve nothing.

i wouldn't be surprised on the memory issue part as she tells me the same stories every time i see her.

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Original poster
handsoap · 08/09/2024 18:35

unmemorableusername · 08/09/2024 18:26

It's an addiction and she'll need to wean herself off it slowly.

The withdrawal effects from caffeine are brutal but you seem to have no empathy for that?

What are you doing to help her with her tiredness/ cravings/withdrawal symptoms?

i'm not her boyfriend? i don't live with her? you don't know our relationship and the type of person she is.

if she has cravings, she has the choice to control them or give in. i am not going to be watching her 24/7 to make sure she is being a good girl and not vaping or downing 50 redbulls a day.

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Original poster
handsoap · 08/09/2024 18:34

@unmemorableusername she stopped at the start. she stopped when she found out and started again at 29ish weeks because someone on tiktok said it was fine.

i have said that if she drinks a redbull, she can of course have one but to try cut down on anything else caffeine related EI coffee, coke etc but she hasn't. this was when she started and from then it has snowballed even with the vaping.

behind her boyfriends back, our parents and her in laws. like i said, it is only her child that is the real victim here.

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Original poster
handsoap · 08/09/2024 18:31

@Fastback are you serious? this is mumsnet not jeremy kyle!

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Original poster
handsoap · 08/09/2024 18:30

@PurpleDiva22 thank you!

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Original poster
handsoap · 08/09/2024 18:29

@MinervaMcGonagallsCat you have no idea what you are talking about!

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unmemorableusername · 08/09/2024 18:26

It's an addiction and she'll need to wean herself off it slowly.

The withdrawal effects from caffeine are brutal but you seem to have no empathy for that?

What are you doing to help her with her tiredness/ cravings/withdrawal symptoms?

FavouritePhoto · 08/09/2024 18:21

MinervaMcGonagallsCat · 08/09/2024 17:59

Caffeine is a risk in the first trimester.

She's 36 weeks. Leave her alone.

No it's a risk all through unfortunately for things like low birth weight and increasing the risk of miscarriage and still birth.

Fastback · 08/09/2024 18:19

handsoap · 08/09/2024 17:38

@ExtraOnions i totally understand. i had been through yeh same with both my kids apparently measuring but my whole pregnancies but born @ 8lbs and 9lbs. but going from 47th centile to 3rd isn't something anyone should take with a pinch of salt.

Is this true or something you’ve dropped into get people on side, because you haven’t had the reaction you might have liked?

FavouritePhoto · 08/09/2024 18:18

YANBU, but she's obviously aware now and has made her choice. She sounds irresponsible but there's nothing you can do. Poor kid though.