Page 2 | Having a child didn't make me any less selfish

Gottobehonest · 2024-09-08T14:47:03+00:00

Heard it for years "people who don't have children are selfish". Well I now have a child. My 'selfishness' hasn't disappeared. I'm exactly the same person I was before. So exactly how does having a child transform a childless-selfish person into a selfless one? YABU - it makes people less selfish YANBU - people don't change, they just have to balance their morning coffee with changing nappies

ReadingWorm · 08/09/2024 16:19

I find most parents more selfish and entitled than those without.

SonicTheHodgeheg · 08/09/2024 16:12

I’ve only heard the opposite and it’s hard to argue.

I have respect for those who choose to remain child free. It’s hard being a parent so people who don’t want to do it shouldn’t do it imo and are doing the child a favour by choosing not to do it.

Original poster

Gottobehonest · 08/09/2024 16:10

MyOtherCarisAVauxhallZafira · 08/09/2024 16:02

Do people just tell you you are selfish because you are? With or without children
I wasn't told I was selfish before I had DS , nor since

Haha no I personally never got told this. It's just the 'party line' isn't it, which I'm disputing

OP posts:

EasySkankin · 08/09/2024 16:02

Your poor kids OP. 😬

MyOtherCarisAVauxhallZafira · 08/09/2024 16:02

Do people just tell you you are selfish because you are? With or without children
I wasn't told I was selfish before I had DS , nor since

jannier · 08/09/2024 16:00

Depends if it's things like you partied all night before regardless but now don't because you have a child your putting others needs first unbelievably there are some selfish parents who still do it every weekend dumping kids off despite not having seen them all week.

Arlanymor · 08/09/2024 16:00

It’s the use of the word selfish, it just shouldn’t apply in the choice (and sometimes not entirely choice) of having children or not. I don’t have children because my ExH cheated and I divorced him and since then I have only once met someone else that I would trust enough to have children with. Does that make me selfish or sensible?

JayCag · 08/09/2024 15:59

Having children is one of the most selfish decisions we can make.

What made you think otherwise?

Circumferences · 08/09/2024 15:58

Most of the child free women I know are teachers 😆
They're not selfish, far from it.

June16th · 08/09/2024 15:58

Strokethefurrywall · 08/09/2024 15:53

Remaining child free or choosing to have kids are both selfish decisions, and as well they bloody should be.

Selfish in this context, is not a bad thing, despite the definition.

I didn't get any less selfish having children, I still have my own wants and needs which I fulfill but not at the expense of their well being.

Remaining child free only means the individual doesn't have the additional level of consideration.

But humans are universally selfish (again not in the negative way). We seek to satisfy ourselves and our own situations day in, day out. As long as the decision is right for the individual and doesn't negatively affect anyone else (in this case having children), it is perfectly correct decision!

Despite the party line, all decisions we each make are selfish because otherwise we don't grow or move forward.

Excellent post

treeindigo · 08/09/2024 15:58

I personally don't see why selfishness must always mean bad. I think everyone should have a bit of selfishness, more so parents because it teaches children they're not the centre of the universe which is what I think is a really big flaw in current day parenting. I'm not saying everyone should be a selfish prick of course...but showing children you value yourself by taking time for yourself be that in your health, hobbies, self care, relationship etc demonstrates to them they should have the permission to do the same themselves. It models healthy behaviours, especially important if we want to get away from this mum = martyr mindset that never ends well.

ÚlldemoShúl · 08/09/2024 15:56

It’s my understanding that you remain just as selfish/ selfless as always when you become a parent, it’s just that your selfishness/ selflessness now encompasses more people. If you used to always take the last biscuit- you still take it- you just give it to your child, rather than eating it yourself. You still don’t offer it to your sister.

Original poster

Gottobehonest · 08/09/2024 15:55

Strokethefurrywall · 08/09/2024 15:53

Remaining child free or choosing to have kids are both selfish decisions, and as well they bloody should be.

Selfish in this context, is not a bad thing, despite the definition.

I didn't get any less selfish having children, I still have my own wants and needs which I fulfill but not at the expense of their well being.

Remaining child free only means the individual doesn't have the additional level of consideration.

But humans are universally selfish (again not in the negative way). We seek to satisfy ourselves and our own situations day in, day out. As long as the decision is right for the individual and doesn't negatively affect anyone else (in this case having children), it is perfectly correct decision!

Despite the party line, all decisions we each make are selfish because otherwise we don't grow or move forward.

I 100% agree. That's always been my take on it too.

OP posts:

Strokethefurrywall · 08/09/2024 15:53

Remaining child free or choosing to have kids are both selfish decisions, and as well they bloody should be.

Selfish in this context, is not a bad thing, despite the definition.

I didn't get any less selfish having children, I still have my own wants and needs which I fulfill but not at the expense of their well being.

Remaining child free only means the individual doesn't have the additional level of consideration.

But humans are universally selfish (again not in the negative way). We seek to satisfy ourselves and our own situations day in, day out. As long as the decision is right for the individual and doesn't negatively affect anyone else (in this case having children), it is perfectly correct decision!

Despite the party line, all decisions we each make are selfish because otherwise we don't grow or move forward.

MyKidsAreTooNoisy · 08/09/2024 15:49

I think you hear the opposite view at least as frequently. Is it a parent bemoaning they hadn’t yet become a grandparent?