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Original poster

To still be pissed off

191 replies

Topshrunk · 08/09/2024 15:42

So partner and I have decided to split (on my terms) as his life didn’t seem to change when we had our children now 4 and 7. He doesn’t help with anything and is out most nights of the week on nights out/hobbies. After numerous attempts to try and make it work I now have nothing left to give. We have agreed for him to stay here until he finds somewhere but this is how this week went:

Monday- hobby until late
Tuesday - stayed in
Wednesday - out until late at pub
Thursday - went for food and pub until late
Friday - went to a club and got in at 5am
Yesterday - went out day drinking and I told him not to bother coming back so he didnt.

OP posts:
Original poster
Topshrunk · 11/09/2024 16:53

I told my daughter tonight, she was slightly upset and asked if she would still see him and I said yes of course and then she said at
least we won’t have to smell him? 😩🤣

I was dreading telling her

OP posts:
ssd · 11/09/2024 11:52

Topshrunk · 11/09/2024 10:24

I understand what you’re saying completely and I am not going back, I am just grieving for what could have been. I don’t love the drama at all

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Apologies then, i was wrong. Hope you get things sorted.

teenmaw · 11/09/2024 10:56

You're expecting this to get continuously better, it won't. You'll have a great day, then a good day, then a horrific few days then a great day again. The further you go through the journey, the shit days reduce and the good days increase until you notice one day the shit days are gone. It's a rollercoaster not HS2! Keep pushing through the shit days, they're normal and part of the journey.

Original poster
Topshrunk · 11/09/2024 10:32

I suppose it just isn’t like the way it used to be and women are a lot more independent. It’s pointless having the old fashioned views of you meet somebody have kids and spend the rest of your life with them. I think women now don’t need a man and are brave enough to admit when they know it isn’t right.

OP posts:
Original poster
Topshrunk · 11/09/2024 10:24

ssd · 11/09/2024 10:16

Oh fgs stop bring a martyr, you being unhappy doesn't benefit your kids at all.

I think you both just love the drama

I understand what you’re saying completely and I am not going back, I am just grieving for what could have been. I don’t love the drama at all

OP posts:
ssd · 11/09/2024 10:16

Oh fgs stop bring a martyr, you being unhappy doesn't benefit your kids at all.

I think you both just love the drama

Original poster
Topshrunk · 11/09/2024 10:06

Andwegoroundagain · 11/09/2024 09:38

I don't think so these days. I mean there are the haters but haters gonna hate no matter what.

Personally I have a lovely relationship with my kids since being a single mum as I actually focus on them way more as they are my only focus and I don't have a DH to think about!

Has he met somebody else now?

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Original poster
Topshrunk · 11/09/2024 09:40

Andwegoroundagain · 11/09/2024 09:38

I don't think so these days. I mean there are the haters but haters gonna hate no matter what.

Personally I have a lovely relationship with my kids since being a single mum as I actually focus on them way more as they are my only focus and I don't have a DH to think about!

And you don’t regret what you did? Are your kids ok? I am honestly willing to stay unhappy for the rest of my life if it will benefit them

OP posts:
Andwegoroundagain · 11/09/2024 09:38

I don't think so these days. I mean there are the haters but haters gonna hate no matter what.

Personally I have a lovely relationship with my kids since being a single mum as I actually focus on them way more as they are my only focus and I don't have a DH to think about!

Original poster
Topshrunk · 11/09/2024 09:38

Thank you, that means so much. Why am in such a state? I have been so strong

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teenmaw · 11/09/2024 09:34

And no there's no stigma against single mums. It's the dads that need held to account, the ones that couldn't step up. Your kids will be more damaged by living with a loser as a role model. Take it from my experience!

teenmaw · 11/09/2024 09:32

OP you're thinking WAY too far ahead. You need some time for all this to level out in your head. Any decision you make right now will be ill advised. Take some time, let the dust settle, give him time to think about what he can bring to the table then make a rational decision. You're working on emotions, not logic.

Original poster
Topshrunk · 11/09/2024 09:26

I just can’t help but feel like I failed. Should I be grieving for the kids? Are they going to be worse off now?. I know I was doing it on my own anyway but I just can’t stop crying today, maybe because imam
off work. I might go to the gym

OP posts:
Original poster
Topshrunk · 11/09/2024 09:25

achipandachair · 11/09/2024 09:23

It makes complete sense but you dont have to imagine it now, it's far too soon.
I totally get the grieving for your kids, the single parent fear. That will pass because you can do this.
I am sorry but the only way forward is through all this. It will be ok.

Are you a single
parent?

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achipandachair · 11/09/2024 09:23

It makes complete sense but you dont have to imagine it now, it's far too soon.
I totally get the grieving for your kids, the single parent fear. That will pass because you can do this.
I am sorry but the only way forward is through all this. It will be ok.

Original poster
Topshrunk · 11/09/2024 09:20

Part of me wants to ask him to come back but it’s for the wrong reasons, I don’t love him, he is never here. I just can’t imagine ever introducing the kids to another man, does this make sense?

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Original poster
Topshrunk · 11/09/2024 09:18

Is there any stigma attached with being a single mum? I’m worried about what people will think and that I failed. I always thought I would have the perfect family and I am grieving that not him.

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Original poster
Topshrunk · 11/09/2024 04:42

Hammy19 · 10/09/2024 21:25

My dad is nearly 70 and has recently started seeing a lady who is 84, don't worry about being too old for a relationship!

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That is so lovely

OP posts:
Hammy19 · 10/09/2024 21:25

Topshrunk · 10/09/2024 08:58

I should have left ages ago, I am in no rush for a new relationship but what if I am too old when I am?

My dad is nearly 70 and has recently started seeing a lady who is 84, don't worry about being too old for a relationship!

AgainstTheOddsNo2 · 10/09/2024 19:35

To a certain extent he is right. You need to stop arguing with him. You aren't going to get what you want, which is for him to say sorry, change and be an all together great bloke again. That ship has sailed.

Rather than uproot your kids he SHOULD be the one to leave but he isn't going to quickly or willingly and the place belongs to his dad. You need to find a place and move out. Fresh start!

IWasHittingMyMarks · 10/09/2024 17:28

Topshrunk · 09/09/2024 08:53

The kids haven’t even asked where he is 😩

Giant clue right there that he's already an absent father ... and he's been living there!

Original poster
Topshrunk · 10/09/2024 14:58

Mydietstartstomorrow · 10/09/2024 08:01

Been in this exact position. We lived in the same house for 6 months until I had a nervous breakdown over his disrespectful behaviour and the constant unease. He moved out and we sold the house. 5 years on and I’m now in a happy and healthy relationship and he’s still on his own after numerous disastrous “relationships”
These men never change.
He needs to move out asap as I can assure you it’s not good for your mental health at all

My mental health hasn’t been great over the years either. I’m ok now but I did have periods where I would worry about irrational things.

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Original poster
Topshrunk · 10/09/2024 13:01

Mydietstartstomorrow · 10/09/2024 08:01

Been in this exact position. We lived in the same house for 6 months until I had a nervous breakdown over his disrespectful behaviour and the constant unease. He moved out and we sold the house. 5 years on and I’m now in a happy and healthy relationship and he’s still on his own after numerous disastrous “relationships”
These men never change.
He needs to move out asap as I can assure you it’s not good for your mental health at all

This was the last message he sent to me.

Not the case. I'm tired of trying to argue and prove my point over it. You dont see what I see and vice versa it's not fixable and theres too much hatred there from you so just leave the digs out now please

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Wavescrashingonthebeach · 10/09/2024 12:56

Topshrunk · 10/09/2024 08:03

I am 34, we have been together since we were 18, our relationship was great pre kids we had the best life ever, I prefer my life now though as I was ready to have children when I did. He obviously didn’t

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34 isn't old. I didn't meet my dp and have my first baby until I was 34 and my second at 37

Original poster
Topshrunk · 10/09/2024 09:28

I’m furious with myself that I chose the wrong father for my kids. I always thought I made a good decision as we were together a good 12 years before I even considered it, that’s when it all went down hill

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