To still be pissed off

You're split up now, so it's no business of yours how he spends his time.

You need to be sure that you give him a clear timeframe on moving out, and to sort out the finances and paperwork.

Obviously he's going to have to stay in if he has the kids for overnights in the future. Do you want him to have custody overnight in the future?

Your OP reads as though you expected him to change his behaviour in response to you calling quits, and I'm sorry you were disappointed.

He didn't change. The world changed around him and he didn't keep up. Why? Because it would have meant growing the fuck up and taking responsibility.

PS It wasn't you. His inadequacies as a husband and father are all on him.

Could you have a family summit involving you, him, your Mum/parents to discuss the way forward? (You say he has no family around.) He is behaving selfishly and irresponsibly at the moment. Having him
in the family home, sleeping on the sofa or whatever he’s doing, and all the tension will be impacting your children already.

He needs to either move out immediately into a rental studio flat or a mate’s spare room while he sorts a mortgage OR there needs to be a frank and firm discussion about how chores and responsibilities will be split in the interim, if he’s staying in the family home.

As others have said, it sounds more like you gave him an ultimatum in the hope he would change his ways, but that has backfired. It does sound like you would be better off without him, as his children are definitely not his priority.

Because they are too immature, selfish, inadequate to allow a tiny baby, toddler, child, to come before them. My ex stopped paying for the kids mobiles as said he didn't see why they should have more than him. Embarrassing as a person never mind as a father.

It really wasn't. It's him being a deadbeat dad. It happens far too often so don't blame yourself! Plus he's trying to shift the blame. Just say 'you keep telling yourself that' every time he tries the guilt trip.

The man you separate from is the true man. The mask comes off. Also a man's brain is nowhere near developed at 18 so the person you have now isn't really the guy you first met. He's matured into a selfish, egotistical twat that cannot cope with the responsibility a family brings. Focus on yourself and stop trying to figure out the mind of a manchild. Keep your energy for your actual child. Keep going and shift your focus inward, he's a knob.

Absolute waste man. Sperm donor at best. Make sure you get full custody, the house and as much money out of him as possible.
If having two kids wont make him mature nothing will. Still going out clubbing? How cringe! What the hell else had he been doing? Find a grown up next time - you'll love it x

IT WAS NOT YOU.

My ex let me think I was the odd one, I was weird. Actually he was inadequate.

I thought he was in the beginning but looking back he never seemed to love them like I did. Implied I loved them too much. Would never put them first like I did. I'd give them food off my plate if I had something left and they didn't. He wouldn't. Since we split he's focussed on himself and not spoken to them for 13 months about what has happened. Then lied.

Because you've dared to leave. My ex h is treating me awfully but he'd deny it. It is 100% his fault I've divorced him and he never thought I'd leave. I hate him so much and then some more for being such a shit dad since we split. It's shocked me so much but looking back, I question everything and he was nowhere near as good or decent as I thought he was.

Because he's a cunt. Be thankful that you've seen the light and get rid of his whole sorry family asap.

You being happy is the best possible thing for your kids - and properly ditching this loser would be an instant boost to your happiness

Most men will do anything they can get away with to work things to their advantage. My best advice is to assume that this will be the case and proceed accordingly: i.e push back early and as hard as you can to work everything to YOUR advantage.
Never let them get the upper hand, if you do they will exploit you.

Because he doesn’t want to be the bad guy, it’s far easier for him if he can get sympathy and validation because you have made him miserable for years, than if he’s a terrible parent who doesn’t pull his weight and behaves like an 18yo student.

You've got this, OP - really, you have! It's all a bit of a shitshow at the moment but once he's moved out and you have a peaceful home for you and your DC, it will genuinely be worth it.

And regards your concerns about being a single mum... try not to worry. I'm almost two years into a relationship now but before that, I was a single parent to my 2 DC for ten years. I have no family locally, my ExH was and still is a bit of a dick (although has been a reliable, 'see my kids five nights a month' Dad at least!) and some people are judgemental BUT I can't tell you how great in many ways those ten years were.

I'm closer to my DC in ways I would never have been had ExH stayed (he cheated on me). We have our own little rituals and memories and silly sayings which noone but us understand; we've been on holidays (mainly just camping but you do what you can afford); we have stupid kitchen discos if we're feeling down; I've held them tight to me after nightmares and after heartache; noone can make me laugh harder or groan louder; they are comfortable with me - our house is peaceful and cluttered and full of cats; we share decisions but can be spontaneous in ridiculous ways.

It's harder than anything else I have ever done but they're blossoming into wonderful, thoughtful, caring teens and yes, their Dad has been involved so i can't take all the credit but I know that I wouldn't swap the last ten years for nothing.

And meeting someone else has been wonderful and is as fun and uplifting as falling in love should be... but I really liked my life already so knew I'd never compromise and choose to be with someone who wasn't right.

I wish you so much luck in following through - you'll find your strength again!

There shouldn't be as think about it, why are most single mums single? Because the men are rubbish and have fucked off..

Definitely NOT a reason to stay in a bad and damaging relationship.