To think partner's overtime is excessive

I think you aren't helping the situation by babying him but understand that it's your choice to do this so I apologise if I've offended you by mentioning this

70 hours a week is insane. It’s also dangerous in roles such as the police, nhs etc and also for prison workers. How is he not terrified he’ll make a mistake because he’s exhausted. I don’t think it’s sustainable for any period of time and I’m shocked his employer is allowing him to work the shift pattern you have described, even with opt out. He’ll burn out eventually.

Why is that your responsibility?

Why are you waking him?

Are your finances shared?

Who owns your home?

What would he say if you told him you needed to use family money to outsource e.g. cleaning?

It sounds very much like he doesn’t see you as a team- he’s securing his own financial future while (as a PP pointed out) you are doing his share of childcare and household labour unpaid, and he doesn’t seem bothered about a future without you and DC in it.

How long has this been going on?

If he's not careful he'll end up in a higher tax bracket and end up paying loads of it in tax anyway.

You need to sit and talk about this with him.

He may think he's doing all this for you and the kids to provide things.

If you want things equal go back to work full time. He can then work his contracted hours and you will both be working equally at work and as parents.
Tell him you want balance, him at home, him as a partner, him as a dad - not disappearing at work all the time

And the added stress that those jobs have I'd be worried for his health as I'm sure that's also crossed your mind.

My husband is like this OP. But he would work 7 days a week and sometimes until 1am. He was obsessed with figures too.

Now he’s got a new hobby which has replaced his need to work to get out of the house. Still don’t see him and when he does come home, it’s weird having him here as we’re so used to being on our own. He’s actually just phoned me to say he’s coming home early, and I’ve told him to go out and see his family as it’s just so weird when he’s here, I don’t know what to do with myself. It’s sad, but for various reasons I can’t do anything about it right now.

My husband has always been like it, he seems to like to be always doing something.

No idea what the answer is. You can’t force someone to want to spend time with you (what’s the point?), and it’s not always easy to leave at all. In my case, it’s impossible. I have financial obligations with mine that stretch far beyond the norm and I am well and truly struck.

I know of someone locally, young man, own business allied to agriculture. He thought he had the world at his feet. He worked all the hours, and also partied, hard. Drank energy drinks alll day long to keep him going, and took drugs at parties after work. His business was, indeed, successful, and he was a well known local character who many seemed to admire for his laddish, crazy life. In spring this year, he suffered a massive heart attack and died on the job. He left a partner and two small children. It’s just not worth it.

Op you don't have to reveal obviously
But I'm guessing prison or police officer.

I don't think you are in agreement tbh. It isn't working for either of you.
You can't have your cake and eat it, that applies to both of you. You both want/need/like the extra money, but you both want/need/like you to work PT.
You need to discuss this and reassess your finances.
I think it's important to remember that you cannot buy time. It's important for him to have more time with his family, particularly his young child. So what could you cut to afford it? Or how could you both bring in extra income?

I say this as the sole earner in our household. DH isn't working for health reasons. I can earn a huge amount for working overtime, which is almost always available. It's tempting to work a lot, but I only do it occasionally as I'd rather be at home with my family. Besides, DH needs the support.
We cut our cloth accordingly. I suggest you do the same.

I don't think he will get the message while you carry on supporting it, to be honest. Maybe tell him you have plans on his day off and he'll need to arrange childcare if he wants to work? Make it an inconvenience rather than something he has support for?

Lots of employers make opting out of the working time directive a condition of employment now, so it's a shit law

This sounds like a line of work I know well. Often exceed 70 hour weeks but over six days, you are supposed to have 11 hours off between shifts but if you feel ok then you’re “allowed” to come in earlier. Very high pressure, very short staffing and often there is nobody else to ask so you either choose to go in or leave your colleagues short. It’s hard work with teens so must be a nightmare with very young children when you’re leaving someone else to pick up the pieces.

OK so it sounds like he doesn't care, so your choices are deal with it (which you shouldn't have to do) or actually leave/end the relationship.

Being a single parent isn't necessarily easy, but I guarantee it'll be easier on you than your current situation is! I co-parent with my daughter's dad, in between working and parenting I also get time to myself, so can have plenty of stress-free quality time with her.

Fair enough, I guess I can just see how it could be quite stressful to be the breadwinner who is also relying on OT just to cover the necessities.

Not that it's easy for you either, but just trying to see it from his viewpoint too.