To want to educate my child in state but provide the straw that make it like a private education?

@KickAssDrinkMilk You seem to be suggesting "they A - won’t be mixing with/making friends with the kids from deprived families" is a good reason for sending to private school?

Also there is nuance, not every private school is Eton & some states have tiny catchment areas where you need 1m plus for a house.

@TitusMoan
I really don’t think children who go to private school are more confident because they know they are at a private school. That imputes some very adult concepts around class, money etc. onto children who generally won’t even know that their parents pay for their school at least to start with. And it’s unhelpful because it suggests that confidence is some elusive quality that only private schools pupils can have.

Private schools are usually very intentional about creating confidence in their pupils. E.g every child having to speak to the whole school in assemblies from a young age, children greeting parents and giving tours of the school etc for visitors, almost every lesson children will have to stand up and speak to the class etc, every child having to be in a school performance, specifically teaching and enforcing manners etc. I think competence also builds confidence and a good private school will try to make sure every child is competent at something.

Many state schools will also do these things. They’re not expensive or particularly difficult to do. Just the private sector generally seems to put more emphasis on them.

Lots of state kids get to do dozens of extracurriculars and extra tutoring. Doesn't make it anything like the private experience where they (a) get small classes with no time wasted on crowd-control so all the teaching is fitted into the school day, no need for extra time on tuition and each subject has a single teacher rather than the kid having to juggle what they are taught in class and what by their tutor (b) they get their extracurriculars on-site in lunch breaks and immediately after school so massive time saving compared to having to travel to extracurriculars at different venues in later evenings & weekends. A lot of teens would then be too exhausted to put decent time into homework because of all the extra commitments.

Not criticising if this is what you can manage and if your child has the energy for such extended days it's just unrealistic to think it's like a private education.

So how do I give my children as close to the advantages of private school as possible without actually sending them to private?

Send them to excellent state schools.

I will give an example of how I know you can’t replicate- one of my children has recently moved to a grammar from a prep school. Within a week of being there she had formed a friendship group with kids who pretty much exclusively also had been at prep schools. They naturally gravitated to each other. I don’t know why or what you do about that but that cliquey ness is part and parcel of a private education. Some new children have been allowed to join their little group but only as on same sports team.

You can’t. It’s confidence and social connections.
next best is to tutor like mad and get them into a grammar.

state school kids aren’t all deprived kids that do the bare minimum. Plenty of them have lots of hobbies, music lessons, tutoring.

but they A - won’t be mixing with/making friends with the kids from deprived families

B - will have a lot more one to one attention from their teacher

I also feel like they get a lot more of a tailored education, my friends son gets so many opportunities and has explored what works for him and is thriving since going to a private school

You can never get what private offers in the state system, the major reason people go private (no matter what they say): connections.

You can’t.

The kind of confidence a private school pupil has (that you’d like your child to have) comes from being sent to that school and knowing that they were ALWAYS going to be in that school, or one like it. Never in the state system.

Get them some really expensive hobbies to ensure they are socially exclusive - thats really all you guarantee with a private education. You have the wrong aim - you should be trying to get your kids the best possible education which suits their interests and personality - not copy a particular school system because you have decided its best.

Confidence.

"some money that I'd like to use for extras like tutoring, music lessons, sports extra
-curriculars and the opportunity to spend some time with them myself on things that others might use a tutor for"

This is an easier question to answer than the one about private education.
Maybe look what home educating families do. Some of that is probably easier to achieve your list above with kids in state school than mirroring a private education is.

If your child is interested in languages let them do some language lessons. Or show them duo lingo. Or find their favourite book in that language. Or watch shows with the subtitles on
If they're interested in music, get them an instrument. Let them wake up one day to discover a piano/ocarina/drum kit has appeared in the kitchen along with a few resources. Let them play, no pressure. It might lead to lessons, or their interest may stop at having a bit tinker. (This approach is called strewing)

Arrange things that you think they will enjoy. Cinema, theatre, music performances, visit cities, visit the home town of their favourite author or character. Think about what you'd show a visitor to your area - that's how we discovered some new places on our doorstep we hadn't tried. Learn about local history. Take them to galleries. Play "which of these pictures would you put in our living room?"

Forget about activities having a certain outcome. Eg connections, grades, qualifications years in the future. Do things for fun....

Talk to people. Show your child that you're interested in the world. Talk about the things you're curious about.

Read Michael Rosen's Book of Good Ideas....

Why do you think that loads of state kids don’t do all the things you’ve mentioned. They do. The things that make private different are class sizes, facilities, quality of sports coaching (perhaps)

Read this thread www.mumsnet.com/talk/_chat/5160079-possible-to-emulate-a-private-school-education?page=3&reply=138121394