To want to educate my child in state but provide the straw that make it like a private education?

The main difference isn't the quality of the teaching, it is the class sizes. You can get through a lot more of the curriculum when you have 12 in a class compared to 30+. Just asking the kids if they had a good weekend takes twice as long. A teacher marking 30 books will be more tired than a teacher marking 12 and the differences in energy levels and enthusiasm increases as the term goes on. I think if you want your kids to do well, invest in what they are good at and what they enjoy. Build their confidence. Talk about career options. I think a confident child with middling grades will go a lot further than a child with great grades and no clue what to do with them.

Bit drastic maybe but is moving an option - if there's nothing locally? There are some excellent state schools out there - grammar schools etc. Kent has some great choices, I don't know other areas so well but I'm sure all counties will offer some good options.

What do you mean by ‘worked’? … Good exam results? Onto uni at Oxbridge? A well-paying career? If they’re happy?

Surely the last on that list should be the ultimate one your looking for.

My kids are in state. Class size of 18, music lessons, specialist sports tutoring, 100% of children at the school for 3yrs minimum meet expected standards. They absolutely adore school and are happiest when there.

And a vast amount of children who go to state schools have hobbies, play instruments, excel at sports and do extracurriculars? It’s not unique, all state kids aren’t going home and doing nothing

God how many more of these threads! It’s quite sad. You don’t need to do this. The vast majority of people go to state schools and many state educated people get top results and go onto have good careers. You don’t need to ape private schools to achieve this.

I would ask yourself how you best support your DC’s ability, interests and aspirations rather than ‘how to dupe private education’

Support their school education. Support their interests and enthusiasms. Extend their cultural experiences: theatre, galleries, historical sites. Find things as a family that are new to all of you, discuss how you find it. Travel as much as is possible. Plenty to see in the UK, aim for contrasts, marshlands and mountains, the best of the Industrial Revolution and also rural / fishing areas. Let them discover how things work, in society, nature, and work.

Enjoy it!

I've got one kid who according to this thread has the "private from state" experience and one that doesn't. The one that does has lessons in 3 instruments and plays on the local hockey team. The other one plays no instruments and one individual sport (although did have a heck of a Duolingo streak at one point, I don't think that replicates a private education)
We don't live in a grammar area or a city. Cities tend to have differences in schooling, in our borough there isn't a lot to choose between them. I never intended to allow 3 instruments but I don't have to nag to practice so I allowed a second one, and last week a third. The difference maker is the orchestral / band instruments. The same outcome can come from drama / dance / team sports but I think there is something to be gained from being part of a group where your performance and competence makes a difference. OTOH my other kid hates that pressure and wouldn't thrive with it.

Both DD and DS have friends from millionaire families and families from council estates

No one cares no one judges they're all just friends

The ones who judge don't have as many friends

The private school DC who ended up at the state 6th form can be arseholes but some of them get over themselves

Where we live though everyone is out and about with their small DC in parks and taking advantage of free events going on

I took mine to weekly swimming lessons and DD did gymnastics for a bit, ballet for a bit, DS did football and rugby for a bit

All cheap nothing too expensive

DD did drama for a bit which was not so cheap so was gifted lessons from DGP

They stopped all these by year 8 ish

DD did netball and football after school and DS did various non sporty activities after school

They were lucky to have choices

It’s literally just an observation on my behalf, although some people will reason that as a positive

mine go to state

there is however a certain demographic that make it difficult for the other families - the kids of the parents who don’t give a shit, deprived or not

When I look at the adults around me, I don't think that I want my children to have the equivalent of a private education. I want them to grow up like the adults I know who went to excellent comprehensive schools with very involved parents who put time and effort into supporting their children's interests and education and general well-being. That is the background shared by the people I know who seem to best combine happiness with career success.

But I've started so I'll finish

Their primary school was fantastic and gave them all so much confidence and had teachers who were very involved in extra curricular activities and stressed a lot of importance on music and drama

Parents often went in to help when they could and that made a difference too

Lovely summer fetes where parents volunteered that kind of thing

It was delightful actually. The perfect primary school really

I think once the head and some amazing teachers left who'd been there years so were great at establishing boundaries and behaviour from reception it wasn't quite as good

Mine were all state educated. 3 in senior management roles, 1 disabled tho has degree and excellent academically.
Grandkids also thriving in State educated.

Disagree....both DD's privately educated from senior (youngest year 5), no connections, zero, South Coast, best decision

Ooops haven't finished and wasn't actually going to post

The state schools my DC went to were excellent and had loads of extra curricular activities

My DD moved to private at year 7. I don't think she will ever gain the confidence that the kids who went to prep school have. Though I didn't gain that from all through private school either. Admittedly, DD seems to think that many of the children who went to private all through are entirely unaware of their privilege, which isn't a great outcome.

I don't think you can really emulate some of the differences we are seeing between DD's school and the local comp her friends have gone to. They are things like having subject specific cover for teacher absences a lot of the time. One of DD's teachers was off sick for most of a term and was covered by two teachers from that department. In contrast her friends haven't had an MFL teacher for most of last year and that language has been dropped for some year groups due to teacher shortages.

DD is also not seeing the significant behavioural challenges and persistent disruptive behaviour in lessons that her friends have at their school.

I think so much depends on the individual schools you are choosing between. For us, we could tinker around the edges, but couldn't come anywhere near the same experience as her independent school.

I have worked in state and private schools.

Pay for tutoring to help them get better GCSEs. Send them to extra-curricular clubs that interest them, art, tennis etc.

Most importantly support and encourage them at home with their education.

Many children do very well in state schools. Private schools aren't the holy grail, some are pretty poor.

You can’t emulate a 1 to 6 teaching ratio when you have a 1 to 30 teaching ratio (that’s the difference between my local state and private primaries). The private school has small class sizes with a teacher plus a TA.

@palegazelle so mine do the vast majority of their extracurriculars at school either before or after & some lunch clubs. They have done tennis, tag rugby, cricket, hockey, gymnastics, ballet, art, coding, cheerleading, debate, chess, quiz plus many others over the years. I encouraged them to try a lot of different things before they narrowed down what they prefer & then we could top up externally if they wanted to do more. They have done LAMDA & do music lessons/orchestra through school. I started tutoring for the eldest in yr 5 & will do similar with the younger ones although may start one in yr 4.

LAMBDA Speech and Drama Classes.

People don't privately educate their dc solely because they think it's a superior education! It's to 'mingle' and create 'networks' within the more wealthier spheres of society.

And the sense of 'superiority' ingrained within it.

For some it is seen as a good reason sadly. Parents don’t want any avoidable distractions to learning and kids from deprived backgrounds often have other issues/ more like to risk take. And I say that as someone who works with deprived families.

You can through some state grammars. Some even offer boarding.

Close as possible to private without the costs.

Sadly you can never emulate private school outside private school. The staff to pupil ratio, the individual attention and encouragement each child gets, the astonishing array of extra-curriculars - private is about this, not idiotic outdated notions of ‘connections’.

But you can choose a great state school and enrich your child by enabling them to take up hobbies/ travel/ go to the theatre asap.