To want to educate my child in state but provide the straw that make it like a private education?

@palegazelle 'Not having to deal with violent children'?
This isn't a perfect world where you will have only shiny fantastic people around you in life. We all have to compromise somewhere unless we are very wealthy, can afford private schools and never have to leave an area which is a perfect bubble of human existence. A friend of mine went to a very good school in an affluent area but was very badly bullied because of racism which still affects her today. I went to quite a rough state school and yes it was cr*p, I still went off to to a very good uni because my family pushed me, but my high school experience is why I moved to an area with outstanding state schools with great extra curricular activities. I chose the city life over a village life with a small school but few activities. My DC are very sporty, and I had to choose the curricular activities over small school. This was the most I could do within my circumstances - and this is what is key. Yes of course there are still disruptive children, there always will be, but as my DC are in top sets for most core subjects, as I did a lot of learning with them, you will find there is much less disruption there. I would absolutely love for them to go private but I can't afford it. Yes I know they won't be rubbing shoulders with affluent families, yes I know they might have to deal with different sections of society without the same principles, but in my circumstances I can't dwell on it. I have done the utmost to give them the best with what I am now capable of. For what it's worth I do get how you feel as I absolutely hate the elitist class schooling system in the UK, it is shocking compared to Europe, never seen anything like it.

Of course there are good state schools! I am not disputing that.
With regards to drugs and vaping- yes I know there are drugs and vapes in private schools but in my experience no where near on the scale of the secondary schools where I am in NI.

No I don't know anything about anyone here except how they present themselves on MN. Yes we all know the ridiculous elitist school system that exists in the UK, and yes the massive class division that does exist. But you seem to think no one in private schools vape or does drugs. If you have worked in a high crime area then yes you will have seen the worst of it and probably the worst of state schools. Like you say there are also huge inequalities between very good state schools and bad ones but you don't acknowledge that many kids get an excellent state education and that can be achieved - so far you have just separated private and state in an elite vs chav argument with nothing in between. That between does exist. Perhaps you haven't seen that, which is more useful to OP's question. Yes it will never match a lot of the elements of PS, but they can definately have a great education and plenty go on to top universities.

There is a huge amount of snobbery in relation to schooling and trying to compare even one of the less exclusive private schools, or even a grammar with your average state comprehensive is like comparing apples and oranges. There are pros and cons to both but they most definitely are not offering the same things.

Shame you don’t know anything about me/ I work in a square mile of the UK that at one stage had the highest crime rate and just this afternoon was discussing options to stop injecting cocaine. Believe me I don’t look down on anybody and am hugely aware of social inequalities and how different groups live and interact. I just don’t sugar coat it.

Riding schools are different- there is an inverse snobbery in them! On way now actually and yes smoking is very common!

Honestly countless “middle class” children off to RG universities and oxbridge with lovely friends interests and manners who have never been near a private school! Have confidence in yourself as parents and your own kids. You really don’t need to ape these schools to succeed in life - certainly not these days. They have excellent marketing departments I’ll give them that!

@Janedoe82 Chavvy? Do you look down your nose at anyone 'below' you or who doesnt have money or the social means to attend a private school? Are the 93% of kids who don't attend a private school chavvy scum? Why don't you get out of your bubble and enter the real world. OP posted this as she can't afford it and is looking for advice. It is not a choice for the majority of the UK so slagging them off for circumstances beyond their means is absolutely useless and downright nasty.

Well possibly, but all the privately schooled young 'ladies' at the riding school/stables where my DS hangs out most weekends would disagree!

They are using it to get off cigarettes, I am talking about teens going on to vapes who have never smoked. Definitely seen as chavvy where I am

You did not read Daily Mail. It is just a high level info and the same research mentioned.

I am really surprised even that it is not obvious that it is all driven by money. The best clients for drug dealer are those who have money and not state kids who have hardly any pocket money

UCL is probably a better read than Daily Fails interpretation. It is a longterm study of a group of young people born between 2000-2002, who are surveyed regularly.
The newspapers cherry pick the data to suit their narrative.

Well a mum I know had a fit on finding her son and his pals all vaping they attend the poshest school possible that begins with M! So you are talking absolute nonsense Jane Doe!

Really? I have uni mates and many of them who went private school now vape as they are ex smokers...

Probably UCL source will not be legitimate because....Daily Mail quoted it once.

Did she chose Daily Mail? Can you see the difference in who quoted what? Do you know who you responding to?
I did. Not BlouseyBiggal.
The choice of sources limitless if you are predjuced to some. Daily Mail did not do any research, as many sources just quoted it. Yes, I know it is to hard to understand

https://www.ucl.ac.uk/news/2021/feb/10-teenagers-have-tried-hard-drugs-age-17#:~:text=Almost%20a%20third%20of%2017,new%20study%20by%20UCL%20researchers.
recent study looking at drug and alcohol use in a group of 20000 Gen Z individuals who have been studied since birth.
Type of school is not recorded but parents education is.
Most interesting finding is the significance of ethnicity. If you are white you are more likely to have tried drugs and alcohol by 17.

Dd nearly 16 has been open with me about this recently. it’s not linked to your school as Angry says it depends which social set your teen is in and their nature. Dd socialises largely with private school kids though lots of state too - it’s pretty mixed here your school isn’t really relevant.

Anecdotally the girls she knows who have got heavily into drugs were at private school one is in a rehab type place now.The issues with the girls at state seem to be more related to chaotic backgrounds/ shoplifting etc. Parenting teens certainly keeps you on your toes!

I would rather try and know some stuff then be head in the sand “not at my child’s school” approach.

The main UK study on this only looked at 269 children from private school and I can’t see any information about how many of those were taking drugs as a raw number so very hard to draw meaningful conclusions. I think it’s plausible that there’s more experimentation amongst private school students (though that wasn’t my own experience) but I don’t think that study is particularly helpful either way. There’s another US study but that obviously relates to US private schools.

But you have to be careful with these kind of stats anyway I.e is going to a private school causative of a child taking drugs / abusing alcohol or is it having access to money or parents who work long hours which makes the difference, for example. You would need to have a control group of children from affluent backgrounds in state schools and see how likely it is that they take drugs compared to those at private schools.

Drugs are available to every child in the country if they have a mobile phone. A popular place to meet your dealer is the local drive throughs. Local teens use the car parks to meet up with dealers. They are not out of place because so many, once driving hang out in car parks. If you want to observe the behaviour, just pop along to your local MacDonalds and watch.
They will also deliver to parties and pretty much anywhere.
Most of the drugs supplied to my DS’s year were, allegedly via an ex pupil who had moved to the local sixth form. He discovered a wider network once he left the private school.
We have a massive problem with county lines in our city. It’s rapidly spreading out to the rural schools.
Anyone who thinks that it isn’t happening in their school is very naive.
DS has tried drugs ( weed and edibles) he has told me about his experience. He wasn’t particularly impressed so has not got into regular use. He was spiked 18mnths ago, which really spooked him. He realised how it put him at risk of serious injury so hasn’t voluntarily used any drugs like ket or MDNA intentionally. He’s happy with alcohol and since he hates being sick, has a stop button. Unlike a number of his friends who happily throw up and continue to drink.
I think you are very lucky if your teens make it through to their 20s without being tempted by drugs. And yes I have plenty of friends who are blissfully unaware of their teens habits.

They may not be better but they have more opportunity to try a wide variety of sports, to compete in those sports. DS was average at rugby but was able to play and train 3-4 days a week at school in addition to one night with his club outside of school. They learn to enjoy the game and play for fun. They would all love to play at a high level but are fiercely competitive at 2nd or 3rd level representing their school.
The list of sports they can have a go at it huge and if they enjoy it they tend to continue it out of school.
DS has played cricket since the age of six. He joined an adult team at 13/14 because it was more fun than the U14 team at our local club and at school. He still turns out most Saturdays for them although not so much this year because he is recovering from surgery. But he will be back to full fitness next year and will play during his summer break.
Being able to play at a reasonable standard means he can slot into a team.

Plenty of journal citations but if you choose Daily Fail
as your news source that’s your call…

Sorry my darling, I’m not your fecking PA! Get someone else to do an Executive summary for you…

It is more about the research they are referring to