Would you be happy with this relationship!

I think you WILL be happier alone. You'll likely go on to find someone that wants to create a life with you, if that's what you want. Husband will likely insist on genuine 50/50, so you'll have a lot less on your plate. Staying together no matter what is not what is best for DC, modelling healthy relationships is what the DC need to see.

Well yes, the relationship does sound shit.

Either you split up, or you find a way to live your life within the marriage, going on holidays and nights out with friends rather than DH as he doesn’t want to go. This course will probably lead to you splitting up anyway.

You sound very passive. As PP have explained, most of us would have blown our top at the last minute cancellation of going to friends birthday weekend, but I think most of us would have still gone without him. You stayed at home? Why?

If he says he doesn’t want to go on holiday, why aren’t you saying oh I will go on my own, with Sarah, with my sister, whatever?

I can see why you feel the way you do OP.
I had one like this. Completely unfair on you and creates resentment.
Life is much easier and happier without the useless man in the house. He needs to step up to his family responsibilities, he’d have to if you split - I’d be really clear to him about this.

I understand that things aren't great, but do you really think that being on your own would improve your life? A better option might be to carve out more time for yourself? Or insist on some family time.

Have his parents realised the £3.5k cheque hasn't been banked and do they know why?
Can you start to take steps to open a joint account so that gift can be used?

I think you need to put your foot down over the weekend - your plans were booked first.

You do need to redress the balance here. Otherwise it's going to be too late. He sounds very selfish.

I think I’d be showing the selfish fucker the door.
See how much golf he can play when he has his daughters to look after 50% of the time.

He has everything set up just so, and gets annoyed with you when you make totally reasonable requests, because it upsets the apple cart he has created that has all his wants, needs and desires perfectly balanced in his favour.

I can tell you now, he won’t change.

Tbh, I don't see any age worth being unhappy.

He has realised there's a golf competition he wants to attend...

Well, ah, bad luck, we're already going to my friends birthday weekend. Never mind you can do the next one.

Why didn't you hold firm on your plans?? Why does he get to cancel stuff that's already been arranged???

He isn't operating as a team. He likes the idea of freedom and choice, for himself. 'Nice bit of double standards there, cheers mate'

He also likes to tinker round the edges of childcare but his attitude is very much it's @Lucy041 job to do all the heavy lifting.

He doesn't even want you to benefit from that £3.5K cheque by getting a joint account set up. That's mean!

in answer to your question, no I would not be at all happy or accepting of the circumstances. You are right to feel resentful and let down by his selfishness.

He's a selfish arse. I read it like you were a SAHM. You're working FT and sorting all this.

Seriously leave him. He's so selfish and hasn't changed.

Totally agree with this.

Sorry OP but it doesn’t even sound as if he likes you much let alone loves you.

We have two young children (toddlers), never go on dates, never have sex and I feel we rarely have proper time together

Also I have some questions - how long have you been together and when did things get so bad?

Was the relationship always like this or did it just change after having kids ? Whose idea was it to have children? Was he like this before you married him?

I’m just trying to get a picture of how/why you ended up together.

My mam helps me out a lot but her health isn’t great, it also annoys her so much that he takes so much time for himself so I tend to make light of it to her.

Your mother is right to be annoyed. You should demand more of your husband instead of trying to shift the responsibility your husband should be taking onto her, especially when she’s unwell.

Sorry I feel like this is such a long post but is it dramatic of me to think I should end our relationship over this? I’m not even 40 yet, and in a relationship that just seems pointless. He’s a nice person, I really love him, he loves me but he’s just more interested in doing his own thing.

Genuine question - where are you getting this impression that he loves you? No sex, no quality time together, knows you’d enjoy weekend socialising and family holidays but prioritises his own activities /hobbies with friends or by himself over that and doesn’t go 50/50 despite the fact you both work full-time? I don’t know perhaps he loves you like an old friend he doesn’t mind spending a bit of time with now and again, but not like a man should love his wife.

I have to say though- bit off topic, but it’s rare for a teacher to finish at 3pm! Most teachers I know are working on marking, lesson prep and replying to emails until at least 5pm even if the school day ends earlier. I got an email from a teacher at 9pm the other day.

This. Your weekend was booked first.

It sounds like he's living his life without you. I think you need to have a serious conversation with him

So you work longer hours and yet you are expected to be the default parent during the week-end ? And he encourages you to do something Saturday morning, isn't that nice. Try counselling for the two of you so an outsider can make him understand how unfair this is to you. If it doesn't work I honestly think you would be better off without him.

I'd lay it on the table for him, I'd ask to talk to him once the child are in bed and I'd basically say
You have six months to put some effort into our relationship to start paying me some attention and spending time with me doing things I want to do.
Our sex life needs to also resume and you need to stop acting like you're single and putting the family first as well as having your own interests.
We need date night once a month and a holiday twice a year, otherwise I am going to ask you to leave, so the balls in your court wether you want to save our relationship and your family or not.

1. with or without kids if my partner unilaterally canceled our joint plans because he had a better offer I would be spitting mad (mine would never do this nor I to him)

2. sounds like in his mind you are the default parent. Parenting for him is optional so he chooses the bits he wants to do and assumes you will do everything else.

I'm afraid you are enabling this as you do in fact do everything else.

Throw a massive strop about him abandoning you for the golf competition. He is being completely unreasonable.

Book a spa weekend or something for you and your mum/a friend and tell him he has the girls that weekend.
Do this every 4th weekend untill he gets the point that just looking after one of his children at only a time of his choosing is not being a partner or a decent parent.

I'm sorry but it doesn't sound like he is "all in" or 100% invested in the relationship. A relationship won't work if only one person is putting in the work. Sounds like his priorities are elsewhere and not where they should be.

As others have said, you are too young to be stuck feeling like this, living this way.

What is he bringing to the table? You make more money, you do more childcare, more life admin, presumably more house work?

Of course you should understand that his hobbies and interests are important to him, however your happiness and your relationship should also be of importance to him. Why is he now doing the golf competition instead of your original plans? I just can't imagine how that conversation would go. My DH is an introvert and has hobbies but understands socialising is important to me. There's no way he would suddenly turn round to previously made plans and say "sorry don't want to do that thing you've been looking forward to anymore, this other thing I prefer has come up instead". And why do you allow it?

Seems like communication and compromise are significant issues if what sounds like long arranged plans with your friends can suddenly be sidelined by his activities. Would he see that as selfish?

He also has a funny understanding of what 50/50 is when you are doing dinner and jobs round the house but still having to do 50% childcare. Do you work as well? Do you think he understands how unhappy you are and what you feel you have sacrificed? What would happen if you tried to talk to him about this?

Sounds like he still feels entitled to his batchelor life. When you have a family, you make sacrifices. It sounds like you are making all of them and him none.

Did he want a wife and family? Doesn’t seem like it.