To not invite dad’s GF to my wedding?

Agree. Dad can still bring her on the trip and just leave her at the hotel that day. She might as well get used to being alone a lot, since he'll be cheating on her soon enough, if he hasn't already.
Dad will also have to get used to there being consequences for his behaviour.

I haven’t voted nor RTFT but I think you should delay inviting ‘Gloria’ as long as possible - she may be long gone by the time the wedding rolls around or your mum may have a new chap by then too, or your mum may have enough distance from the split to not care much any more/be happy without him.

You could always try and compromise by suggesting that the ceremony is for close friends and family only but she could fly out with dad, have the day to herself and join the party for the evening? By then your mum will have said hello to all the other guests and be settled and comfy in their company, so no one will be confused over who is mother of the bride and who is dad’s girlfriend.

My dad took a new girlfriend to my sister’s wedding and it was a bit awkward but me and one of my mum’s cousins were tasked with keeping dad’s gf occupied and away from mum which worked out pretty well, perhaps you have friends or family that could do similar? Making sure mum has someone to be with can be a big help (ie if no
new chap then a bestie of her choice as her +1).

I agree with this comment all day long...

TinyYellow · Today 18:34

I wouldn’t invite her simply because your mothers feelings are more important than your fathers new girlfriends. Your mum has a right to feel hurt and while this wedding should be all about you and your husband, don’t underestimate how important these events are to parents too.

And the voting is pretty clear

Problem is, what if you put your neck on the line for Gloria and upset your mother, and then your dad shags someone else and Gloria is history anyway? It’s a gamble.

I'd not invite her and make it clear to dad not to bring her. If things change then your invite can change. Your wedding, your way.

Jesus Christ I’m sure a grown man can survive a few hours without his girlfriend for the sake of his daughters wedding.

Thank god you are not my daughter !

She says the wedding is another year away. Then the gf is a 2 year gf and the mother has another year of moving on behind her so she may be more amenable to putting the one that really matters first - her daughter.

I can’t imagine risking my mum not coming to my wedding over a woman I have never met.

yes it would be nice for your dad to use the wedding to introduce her to his children - but only if there was no drama.

why haven’t you already met her?

This is complicated and I think you need to accept that no matter how you approach it this won’t end well, OP. One of your parents at least is highly likely to be upset no matter what you decide.

Sorry to say I have direct experience in this situation and forewarned both my parents and their respective partners to be on their absolute best behaviour on my wedding day. (Plenty of pre wedding drama)

It was a lovely destination wedding, until my DM kicked off and caused an unholy row in the evening.

She sounds a little like yours tbh. They are who they are and it’s not realistic to expect great change.

Prepare for chaos and hope for the best is all you can do. I hope it works out.

The girlfriend can travel to Europe with your dad and they can enjoy a break together. She doesn’t attend the wedding, just your dad 🤷🏼‍♀️ this is what I would do if I were your dad. So he stays for the day, the toast, then leaves in the evening? If I were the gf this is what I’d also suggest, book myself a lunch, museum, shopping, early night. They could go for a weeks holiday - it’s just one day.

Ps: Hope you enjoy your special day, you shouldn’t even be thinking about this.

Yes, apologies for getting that wrong. This thread is so absolutely bonkers I got carried away.

I simply would not invite someone I had never met to share such a significant life event.

Give over. He’s been with the woman for less than nine months. The relationship is a new one. Why should OP have a random woman on her wedding pictures who she’s never met, and who will probably not even be on the scene in six months’ time? He’s a serial cheater, so it’s highly unlikely this one is for keeps. Would you put the feelings of a woman who has only been with your father for nine months over the feelings of your mother?

Sympathies, OP. I almost didn’t get married just to avoid all this!

What’s your dad like - will he be reasonable and understand, once you talk it over with him? Or will he be of the ‘don’t disrespect my partner’ type?

I think you just need to appeal to him on a personal level. Say you understand it’s an unfortunate position to put him in, to not invite his partner, but he must appreciate that - as they were together so long and it is so contentious now - that your mum would take it very badly and could ruin your day and the run-up to it. I’d try to meet his partner before the wedding, if at all possible - but appreciate this may not be doable.

You need to appeal to his chivalrous sense that he must disinvite his partner for his daughter’s sake - rather than activate any ‘I am due parental respect and therefore so is my partner’ instinct by telling him ‘no’.

I think both of your parents sound quite immature OP. I’d ask them to both discuss this with each other and agree how they are going to handle this because you don’t want either party wrecking your wedding day. If they both want to come they both have to take some personal responsibility.

God OP, do you really want to deal with your mum breaking down on your wedding day? Maybe in an ideal world she would be more resilient but she’s not, she sounds fragile. Your dad has caused a lot of hurt, he needs to accept his role in that and suck this one up.

Omg, what rubbish people are spouting on here!
The mum knows the dad should be there because he is the father of the child getting married - much as she probably dreads seeing him.
But of course she doesn't want to see his latest gf who probably won't last the course given his history.
Why is it all the mum's fault and the cheating father is to be sympathised with??

The irony telling me to read the thread when you haven't read my very short comment properly.

Read the thread - it's not ten years, they got back together!

So your mum is losing the plot about ht GF coming, but will be fine if it's just the actual cheat himself? This doesn't even make any sense - surely she doesn't want to see him either?

I think she needs to grow up and be nice for your sake for your wedding. It's just a day. It's horrible to have been through all this, but she stayed with him, and regardless, you can't expect your DC to have to choose sides

They split 10 years ago. At some stage Mum decided it didn't matter and took him back.

The wedding is next year. By the time the invitations go out Gloria will be a girlfriend of 2 years . What's the cut off point? At what point can Mum reasonably be told Dad' gf is coming too?

Of course he’s not being a drama llama, life’s worked out pretty nicely for him after all his shagging about.

What about her father's feelings too?

You know, her other parent, who isn't being a drama llama .