To not invite dad’s GF to my wedding?

@AgnesX - the OP said her parents split up for good in 2022 and her dad started dating this woman towards the end of 2023. (You can filter to read just the OPs posts)

Is the gf responsible for your parents splitting up? If yes I wouldn't. It would be really unfair to your mum to have her there. If no, your wedding is next year which should give your mum enough time to used to the idea.

Given she wasn’t the OW, I’d say both parents get a “plus one” invite. Be clear their plus one won’t be on the top table.

Not necessarily. My xh was sexually incontinent and abusive but your dc come first on the big days in their lives, weddings, graduations etc. As a pp said you vent to your friends and MN, you don't put your kids in a difficult position of having to hear a constant stream of negativity about their other parent. They can see for themselves what their parents are like but fundamentally they usually love both parents. OP clearly does love her df, despite everything she knows, otherwise she wouldn't have this dilemma.

@OrangeTeabags with all due respect I'm not the only person on this thread who's trying to tell the OP what she's got coming if she doesn't stop it now. As sad as it is some people don't move on after a divorce and from what the OP says her mother will be one of those and it's more common than you think. It doesn't matter if it's 2 years or 30 years it's not the parents wedding and they should respect that.

He is to the wedding to be proud father of the bride, but he's assuming bringing along new (uninvited) girlfriend??

Mum's feelings count more than dad's as he was the one who committed adultery and hurt and humiliated your mum, destroying the family unit. His cross to bear at least for certain events. Could you say you are not having any plus ones at all for your wedding, only close friends & relations.
Good luck.

I'd invite her then your Dad and her can confine the wedding with a holiday. The fact you've not met her isn't that suprising when she lives so far away.

With all due respect, the OP's situation is quite different given the parents only properly split two years ago.
In 20 years time the OP's mum may be fine with it all and not bitter but right now it's still raw for her because compared to the length of the marriage it hasn't been that long.

I don't think I would invite anyone I had not met to my wedding.

Can your dad still travel with his gf, he comes to your wedding and the. They then bugger off on holiday to Spain together afterwards.

Your mum needs to learn that breakups are boring for everyone else and not everyone holds a grudge like she does. She needs to join Mumsnet so she can vent on here!

I've got parents very similar to this except mine have been divorced for over 30 years. Honestly OP your mother will keep on playing the victim if you don't shut her down now. My partner thought they had recently got divorced when I met him because my mother was so bitter, he was shocked when I said it was over 20 years ago at the time.

As for your father the situation is difficult because they've not been together long and you've not met her. As a stepmother to an adult child myself I wouldn't expect to have been invited in her position.

People here will stick up for your mother but as parents they should put aside their differences for one day, it's your wedding and even if Gloria doesn't go I'd bet there'll be another drama with your mother over something else. If you live near your mother can you try and get her involved in some hobbies/clubs etc? She needs to make a life away from her old one and that means moving on and making new friends and enjoying new activities. Life goes on but she'll end up stuck in the divorce stage and end up bitter like my mother. Eventually your relationship with her will deteriorate because you'll avoid her for a quiet life.

Good luck with your wedding whatever you decide OP.

I just wouldn't invite her. You've not even met her. If your dad has any self awareness he should understand

THIS

Yanbu as dad has only been with the gf for a year. If they'd been together for many years and were clearly committed and she'd made an effort to get to know you it would be different, but given the actual situation it's perfectly fine not to invite her.

You need to tell dad - I'm sorry but my wedding day is not at all appropriate for me to meet Gloria for the first timeand it would cause a major upset to mum and spoil the day for everyone if she's there, so that's not happening. However it's great that you're taking the opportunity to have a longer holiday while you are over. Can I suggest that you book Gloria in to a luxury spa for the wedding day so that she can have a wonderful time while you come to the wedding, and then after at the end of your holiday before you go home can we try to be in the same city for a weekend so that we can meet and get to know each other in a less stressful context?

Difficult one, but you've not met dad's girlfriend yet so I don't see why you should invite her if it's going to cause upset.

I wonder if Gloria wants to go given the ex wife and one of the old affair partners will be there??

Not sure I would want to be involved in that if I was her.

If the father declines to come because his GF that OP has never met is not invited, then good riddance tbh

Nope, wouldn't invite her. You've never met her, they've been together less than a year and a half, you don't need to invite her at all. Sure, your dad might be upset, but it was presumptuous to think you would invite his GF you've never met.

And surely for "one day" the father can accept that he doesn't get to have his partner there?

Honestly, the hatred towards the mum on this thread is unbelievable! Yet, the shitty dad is the one whose feelings have to be protected!

I think it’s because a lot of those commenting with lack of empathy for the mother are either OW themselves, or are involved with a man who has separated from his wife. They have experienced being ‘left out’ by the first families, and are projecting on here.

@Catsmere @OrangeTeabags

Not excusing the father's behaviour but from what the OP has said, she doesn't think he will instigate drama. The drama will come from her mother not being able to put her daughter first on her wedding day. Yes he's a scumbag but she has to suck up her feelings for one day to give her daughter her best day. Surely as a loving parent you should do that?

As it appears that the dad had an affair with a close family member, is the mother going to cause trouble if that side of the family are there as well?

You know that if she overshares with her children she will have no issue with telling all her daughter's in-laws everything as well.

In the OP's position I would have the wedding with the fiances family and invite her friends to get a day without drama. I'd have a second wedding celebration with her mother.

Even if the partner was one he had known for 9 months? Not inviting her, in my opinion, would not necessarily be due to her being DFs GF, but would be based on the length of the relationship. Wedding places are at a premium, they’re expensive, and often you have to brutally leave people off to accommodate others. I would not be leaving someone off the list who I might have known longer, and who I had at least actually met, for someone with my serial cheating father who had been on the scene for 9 months, who I had never met. Chances are this person is not going to be around for long, before he moves on with someone else. And if her df refuses to attend due to OP not inviting his gf (and I use that term loosely for someone who he has known for 9 months), then it says more about him than OP.

I think it's quite simple really, OP.

You say to your dad that out of respect to your mum's feelings you won't be inviting his new gf to your wedding.
You explain to him that this is a consequence of his poor decisions and poor behaviour throughout his marriage & your childhood.
You tell him that you want him there, that you want both of your parents there & you want them to behave civilly towards each other. You tell your mum the same.

If your dad can't do that for you and says he won't come I think that says a lot about him & his character. It's one day and it's your day and he should heed your wishes.
He wants to bring his new gf for his own reasons. Because it feeds his ego.

And as for gf, well, she knew what she was taking on when she chose to have a relationship with a man with such a chequered & complicated relationship history so I think she will have to accept that this is a consequence of that decision. I don't think her feelings are something to prioritise at this point.

Her father's at least an adulterous scrote who wants to impose his latest girlfriend on his daughter's wedding (and doubtless cause even more pain to her mother) and you think he should be treated as if it's nothing, just a mistake, all in the past, and you're blaming her mother for her ongoing distress?

You don't mention if Gloria is the OW. Did your father have an affair with Gloria? If yes, then don't invite her. If no, and Gloria had nothing to do with your parents marriage split and is an innocent in this, then yes you should invite her.

Maybe OP shouldn't invite her mum then??
Where is the evidence that her mum is going to cause a fuss and be involving other relatives?

I am shocked by attitude towards the OP's mum on here! Although maybe not because MN is rife with this kind of thing these days.

It's a new relationship that probably won't last so why does that have to take precedence over everything else? It's nuts!