To not invite dad’s GF to my wedding?

My friend chose her mum on her wedding day.

Told her dad he couldn't bring his AP, and he declined to come.

If your mum will be absolutely gutted on your wedding day, I would say no to your dad.

Perfect response. She can absolutely still travel with them and go on holiday. Just say as you've never met her, you would rather she wasn't at the wedding itself. You could even offer to meet her for a meal before or after the wedding if she does end up travelling with him.

Had this same situation with my ex husband inviting his gf of a few months before asking our daughter if she was actually invited to her wedding. Daughter felt she had to go along with it but also knowing I would feel uncomfortable. The actual day went fine, I managed to avoid them most of the day but I felt awkward being there without a partner (not interested in having one either but most guests were coupled up). For peace of mind I left early after the cake was cut and my daughter knew I would be doing that. My way of dealing with the situation - obviously people will disapprove but it was that or have a breakdown at some point. Yes, it is all about the couple getting married but everyone is allowed to have their feelings.

Well - why haven't you met his girlfriend? Do you really want your fist sight of each other/meeting, to be at your wedding?

I get it, regarding your Mum. But your Dad is just as bad in that he's not ever instigated any coming together of family and girlfriend. That's on top of cheating, and then leaving your mum.

Note the 1st thing he said when you announced wedding to him was how delighted Gloria would be re holiday etc. Not congratulations, you 2 should meet, when can we meet etc

Why on earth would your Mum be happy anyway? I bet he drove her nuts, and now you're getting married he's making a statement by presenting his woman that nobody knows. All eyes on them. Your mum feeling awkward. What a scenario. He's an attention-seeker.

I'm surprised his girlfriend even wants to come tbh - in her shoes I'd sit this one out. Try to calm your mum down and sort things out. If I were you I wouldn't choose your dad over your mum, if it does come to that. I'd be ok if he declined. Who's been there, with you and for you? That is key

This is tough, but I wouldn't invite her.

She is a girlfriend (of not that long) that you have never even met. No, she hasn't done anything wrong but equally she isn't important enough to you that it is worth any potential fall out and upset on YOUR day.

It isn't your mums day, not your dads and definitely not his girlfriends. It's your day and assuming it is important to you to have both your mum and dad there and for the day to be lovely, that's what I would do.

There is no reason for it to stop your dad coming to your wedding, she could even come with him on the trip and you could arrange a nice dinner and meet up in the days before or after the wedding. If I was her I would understand, I would want you to like me and for us to get along as well as possible, I wouldn't want to be the cause of any stress or upset for you during your wedding.

The correct etiquette here is for you to invite your Dad's new GF, but for her to politely decline the invitation. Then everyone is happy.

I'm fortunate enough that my stepmother had the cop on to do this when I married, but you haven't met the new GF, so the situation is tricky.

Because it's her dad's DP and the OP lives at the other side of the world. We live at the opposite side of the world to my DH's family and quite a few partners that we hadn't met at the time came.

Poor Gloria, yes you've never met her but she's your dad's partner and hasn't done anything wrong. Where will considering your mum's feelings end OP. She's been hurt but it wasn't by Gloria. Does your mum have an issue with your dad being there or just her? If it's just Gloria, this could go on for every event.

Why would you invite someone to you're wedding you have never met?!

Put the ball in their court. Tell them to sort it out and let you know who’s coming, but that you want a special, calm day with no drama.

Well ... your wedding, your rules.

Stop stressing and do not invite your Dads GF to your wedding. You've never met the lady. Do like some have mentioned and set a date to meet her and your dad for a nice day out or weekend together, perhaps after the wedding rather than before. Your mum isn't dealing with things great but it has been a big thing for her, ultimately she is scared and hurt, she needs time. This isn't like a college relationship, it will take few years for her to find her feet again. Your wedding is not the best place for you or your mum to met this new GF for the first time nor for the second. I think it is ridiculous for anyone to suggest inviting her, given the situation. If your Dad loves you then he should be understanding. Your Dad and his GF are still fairly new anyway. I think inviting her would cause you worry on your wedding day, as it already is now. You know this and that is why you have asked for opinions. Go with your gut. Don't invite her.

"If you've never met her then of course you don't have to invite her. "
"I think don't invite her and have a good chat to your dad about it."
"Can he travel with girlfriend, and have a really nice day with you & your fiance a few days before the wedding?"
"Don't invite gf - you've never met her. She can surely amuse herself for one day while you marry, if they book a few days away."

These and similar statements are right - it would be so hurtful for your mum and she may feel she simply cannot come - it's wrong to put her in that position. The gf should be able to understand - amusing herself for a few hours is not a bad option.

And the Dad broke up the family, not the OW at the time.

RTFT

I think your mum needs to accept after all this time that your dad has moved on. I think given you're expecting your family to travel so far it makes sense for people to make a holiday out of it. Your dad's gf travelling with him makes sense. I think not inviting her if she's there (in the city or wherever wedding will be) is petty.

Would you have a top table with them both on? Is it likely you'll meet her between now and the wedding? How long would they have been together at the wedding? Travelling together and a meal sounds good, but it would be nice to include her if you can.

I can see how hard this is, but you’re basically taking your mother’s side. Gloria wasn’t the cause of the marriage breakdown , and for me I’d invite her and your parents need to be grown ups and manage it, and by that I mean your mum really, whatever issues she has with your father, whatever history there, Gloria is not and was never the issue

This is why I wish the OP had have clarified this in the OP. Because people answered her believing that Gloria is the other woman. Their answers would have been a LOT different, I wager, if OP told the truth at the start.

@Kitkat1982 The OP has clarified that Gloria IS NOT the woman her dad cheated with. The woman he cheated with is long gone. Gloria came after. As it is, she is an innocent bystander to this and came years after his affair. Gloria is NOT the woman he cheated with. I wonder if Gloria even knows about his cheating history.

Your dad doesn't get to say that Gloria will be coming if things are still going well. The guest list is your and your fiancé's decision to make. Just point that out to him in the next conversation about it. No excuses, no explanation needed. YOUR decision and you don't have to justify it to ANYONE. Meeting her on a separate occasion is a good idea, but don't be bullied into inviting anyone you don't want, and that includes any other possible problematic relatives to whom you alluded. But your mother doesn't get to influence your decisions either. YOUR DAY, YOUR WAY !!!!! Good luck. I hope you have a wonderful wedding.

No they met after her parents separated.

from @CrypticElliptical

She’s not - my parents separated in 2022, he didn’t meet this woman until 2023 and none of that is in dispute.

I would invite her but you never know they may split before hand or by then your mum may have come to accept it more.

My Dads wife wasn't invited to my wedding (20 years after she was the OW) simply because it would have upset my mum. That said I didnt have a great relationship with my Dad so wasn't worried what he thought but to be fair for the one time in his life he thought about other people and totally understood.

Your reply is utterly disgusting. The woman Gloria is the woman that her dad cheated with behind his mums back. Why the hell does her mum have to put up with seeing her at her daughters wedding??? Would you accept your husbands mistress to your child's wedding??? Someone who broke up your family???? Just think about that for a moment. Don't say what you said without putting yourself in her shoes first. That mistress does not deserve a spot at this wedding. She deserves a slap that's what she deserves. This poster needs to be loyal to her mum no one else. Gloria is a home wrecker

Why? This other woman is someone who her dad cheated with behind her mums back. Why would her mum want to be around that bitch? This daughter shouldn't even be questioning whether to invite the mistress. My dad cheated on my mum years ago and I wouldn't have dreamed of inviting his bit on the side to my wedding. This question is crazy to me and some of the replies are even crazier. This other woman doesn't deserve a place at the wedding. She broke up This family. This daughters loyalty should always be with her mum end of.