To not invite dad’s GF to my wedding?

Your mum is a PITA who needs to grow up.

As you’ve not even met Gloria, and she’s only been his girlfriend under a year, I think your father should suck it up if you say, “I’m sorry but I just don’t want mum being a PITA on my wedding day, so can Gloria come over with you but sit the wedding out? Can we have dinner and meet her on x day though?”

If he can’t accept the position you’re in, he doesn’t deserve much consideration either.

I’m reluctant to pander to your mum’s nonsense with that suggestion but hey, your dad was an arsehole for cheating. So this is his consequence.

And this is why my kids think mum and (cheating) dad just grew apart 🙄

Your DM is being dra-ma-tic.

They are on the other side of the world.

Your dad can still travel with his gf if he chooses too. Even if you don’t invite her to the wedding.

seems reasonable not to invite her if you have never met but would be unreasonable if you say she can’t travel with him.

Elope and then visit your families separately for celebrations. Having a wedding with your mother and father there will be a fucking nightmare. Don't do this to yourself.

@CrypticElliptical Why not just speak to your dad and say that to keep things stress free, you won't be inviting "gloria" to the wedding, but you're sure she can find something fun to do whilst he's at the wedding.

It's one day in what I assume will be at least a 1 week holiday/

This is clearly a long standing issue between your parents so your dad will most likely be aware of any potential issues with bringing a plus 1. Before you make any decisions why don't you talk to him? Perhaps Gloria doesn't think it's a good idea for her to attend or is worried about your mums reaction - in which case you don't have an issue around invites. Invites and seating plans etc will be a little while off yet so maybe just enjoy the newly engaged stage and open up some lines of communication first.

I wouldn’t invite her simply because your mothers feelings are more important than your fathers new girlfriends. Your mum has a right to feel hurt and while this wedding should be all about you and your husband, don’t underestimate how important these events are to parents too.

What’s the reason you haven’t met her? Do you see your dad regularly?

Can he travel with girlfriend, and have a really nice day with you & your fiance a few days before the wedding, and you make a suitable fuss of meeting her, but just not have her there at the wedding? Putting someone you've never met on the 'top' table will be weird, she won't know anyone else at the other tables, and will likely be the subject of some pointing & gossip, and your Dad will presumably be busy with father-of-the-bride stuff and unable to escort her properly for a lot of the day anyway. She might have a better time doing something else, honestly.

Don't set yourself up for years of manipulation op. Your dm needs to accept that her life will be different in some ways.

My dm has been separated from df for 42 years.
She still acts like a woman scorned if he comes to a family event with any woman, his partner died 33 years ago.
The last event she threatened not to come if my df brought any female so I told her I'd cross her off the list.
Her change of attitude was something to behold.😃

You don’t have to invite the gf to the day but that doesn’t mean your dad won’t bring her on the trip to Europe anyway and just not have her attend.

I think it is ok to ask your dad to consider, as long as you are clear you know this is a big ask and would arrange another event with "Gloria". This would be a good reason for a parents-only registry office and separate reception parties, but you're going to struggle to keep mum away from extra events if she's flown in.

I think you should invite her, and your mum just needs to deal with it for your sake. You'll have to have a stern word with her beforehand so she doesn't create any drama. Your dad isn't going to change his mind and go running back to her, so she just needs to deal with it.

Who would you rather risk not being there, your mum or your Dad? I get why people are saying your mum is being selfish but also your Dad would be if he didn't come because his gf who you've never met wasn't invited.
I think the idea of meeting for a separate meal with gf could work and thrn you get both parents there.

I agree with @Shakirasma I’m afraid. I have to say, I think it’s poor form to expect anyone to celebrate your relationship and your love, while disregarding theirs, particularly when it’s a very close family member. I understand that you’ve never actually met her and that would be a factor if you lived within a reasonable distance of each other but you don’t, so it’s a bit of a exceptional circumstance imo.

Your mum is obviously still very bruised about your Dad’s long term infidelity with various people, but, hopefully, she can just nod and smile on your wedding day.

It’s just a day.

I was engaged for over ten years. We twice tried to plan a wedding, but there were difficulties with close relatives that I just didn't want to deal with on my wedding day. We ended up going on a six week US holiday and got married in Vegas. It was absolutely wonderful with our four year old as a flower girl. By this time, my parents were just glad I was finally doing it and didn't begrudge us at all. Together 30 years now, and still on good terms with all our relatives.

I think your mum needs to grow up to be honest.

In this situation I would probably just elope.

If your mum wasn't laying it on so thick, would you invite her?

I think don't invite her and have a good chat to your dad about it, saying you're looking forward to meeting his girlfriend and getting to know her separately from the wedding. It would be different if you already knew her, but at this stage she's just a plus one. You're his daughter so he should put you first and take this one on the chin, I think - even if that means deciding not to come.

So by the time of the wedding they will have been together long enough to be established as a committed couple, and she had nothing whatsoever to do with your parents splitting up a number of years ago.
I think it would be very sad for your dad if his partner wasnt invited, and it sounds like it's not actually them that are the problem, it's your mum!