To not invite dad’s GF to my wedding?

YANBU If you don't make it clear she's not invited and she comes, it's going to really hurt your mum. I've been in her shoes and I promise it's far more painful than any words could describe. Especially when you've had DC together.

Although I'm very surprised you're even speaking to your Dad after he hurt your Mum like that 😳

Your mum should be over it because it’s 10 years ago, your dad sounds like a douche (cheating many times on your mum and assuming “Gloria” would be invited to the wedding before even asking you, oh the entitlement. I would only invite Gloria if I had a good relationship with her and she’s made an effort or proven to be kind to me, if not the case I wouldn’t invite her to the actual wedding and would do a separate meal with her and dad. It would be ok for dad to come to the actual ceremony.

I think I would go down the road with your Dad as, I’d love to meet Gloria but given we haven’t before and the distance, I don’t think my wedding is the right place to do that for either of us. Why not bring Gloria on the trip. We will spend the day together, go for dinner etc pre wedding and then you can travel together after the wedding.

I think it would be simpler to just say they separated in 2022!

Given I’ve already posted to say I’d realised this, I’m not sure you needed to reply again.

So your parents have been separated for 2 years , and Dad has been with new GF for less than a year. Why would he expect to bring her?

I think your DF is being presumptuous expecting an invite for his girlfriend.

I think my conversation would go like this

Dad, I get you want to bring Gloria but I am not sure yet if she will have an invite. Firstly this is just in the early stages, we are looking at numbers, secondly I’m not sure how mum will handle this and I don’t want my wedding to turn into a big drama about you and mum and your pasts. I will be talking to mum but I wanted you to know that the invite may just extend to you.

then

Mum, I know you and Dad have a past and things are complicated. I’ve told Dad I’m not sure if I’m inviting Gloria or not. I need to think about mine and my fiancés day. I need you to know that if I do decide to invite her, that is my decision, if you have issues with that, please talk to someone other than me about it as I just want to focus on my wedding.i will let you know when I have made my decision.

And if either of them have issues with it then I’d base my decision to invite them on this.

I was thinking this. Not sure the dad should come at all.

I wouldn’t - you don’t know her, they haven’t been together long, it will upset you and your mum etc. but be prepared that your Dad won’t go either. Harsh but true. My MIL brought her relatively new bf to our wedding - he ended up in all of the family photos etc and low and behold a few months later they’ve split - I can’t even remember his name now but have to look at him every time I open my photo book.

Personally, I wouldn't have Gloria there. She's not family, you've never met the woman, and her presence is going to upset your mum. Reading your most recent comments about your parents separation, I can see why she'd be upset. I'd much rather have my mum be comfortable.

Dad might feel miffed not having his new girlfriend there (8 months isn't even long enough to consider her a partner in my books), but ultimately he's there to see you get married. It's not going to break his heart. Mum won't be upset and will be able to relax.

If your Dad throws a strop then it just shows what kind of man he is. Yet again. Unfaithful and willing to spoil his daughter's wedding over a stranger.

Who cares about bloody Gloria and what she thinks? She might not even be with your dad this time next year.

And if he has a problem with that, he should have considered that before he betrayed his child's mother.

Don't invite gf - you've never met her. She can surely amuse herself for one day while you marry, if they book a few days away.

If you're going to be worrying about your mother on the day, which would be completely understandable, then I wouldn't invite her. I think you have the right idea in suggesting that she come to the country and you can go out for a meal another day.

I'd talk to your Dad - let him know that numbers are tight and it's also a very sensitive situation to have his new girlfriend there. You could also point out that it might be awkward to have such a new partner involved in a big family occasion, and that it would be a shame to start your relationship with Gloria on a bad note.

I would suggest that Gloria comes with your Dad for the trip and you and your fiance meet her and get to know her with a nice meal just the four of you before or after the wedding day. Gloria sits out the wedding celebrations.

Your day ( you and partner obviously) Your rules
Your invites
Wedding cause so much stress!
Attendees can either be there and be happy for you or not bother.

I think family come first. You need to bc speak to your dad and clarify the situation.

@CrypticElliptical families eh!

How do you think your mum will behave if your Dad is there on his own? Will she behave or still create a scene?

it's so hard to know what to do without knowing the people involved, but just from what you've said I think I'd invite both parents as you have, and a friend/family member to keep your Mum in her box.

id explain to your Dad that thst will be hard enough without him bringing Gloria (surely he'll understand that? But say you really want to meet her and are sorry that you can't invite her, but just can't take the drama it would cause & that the 4 of you can have some time together on other days.

as a new partner in this situation I'd understand that and in your Dads position I'd understand it & want you to as least stressed as possible.

As for the other complications, best of luck with that.

God I’d never do that to my mum!

I would not invite your dads girlfriend. I wouldn't do that to my mum

Im surprised that your dad’s girlfriend is being referred to as his partner in some of the posts. They’ve been together 9 months if that and its way to soon to be a partner.

Should Gloria be at your wedding? I think it’s way too soon for her to be your fathers plus one at any family get together and perhaps the way forward is to say let’s see how the land is lying closer to the time dad.

And if Gloria is still around for the wedding. No. I wouldn’t do that to my mum who’s had enough to put up with over the years with his antics.

I think Gloria, as a grown woman entering a relationship with a man with adult children and history, should offer to stay away from the wedding if it causes any problems for her boyfriend or his child. THAT is the right thing to do. Not the dad insisting on bringing his girlfriend of less than a year; not the mum having a panic attack and thinking of nobody for herself; not the bride having the choose.

I think you need to talk to your dad and raise with him the possibility of him not bringing his GF to the actual wedding.

Say you will be happy to meet here perhaps have a meal out with them and your DH to be, but that you think it would be best if she didn't come.

See what he says.

I think it's your wedding, invite who you feel you want to be there.

You say you've never met the new GF? Is there any other significant others you've never met who you would be inviting? Or could you limit it to people you know only without it looking like it's just her excluded?

While I agree that mum is obviously very pained, and those feelings should be respected, it's wholly inappropriate for a parent to discuss their marital problems with the children of that marriage. That's what friends and therapists are for. Unloading on the kids about the details can be more damaging than the split itself.

Invite your dad and his partner, leave the ones out who really don’t need to be there

your mum is a bit bonkers (you say) and making YOUR wedding all about her. If she’s so triggered she doesn’t have to be there. Invite her, invite him, tell them all to be grown up about it or not bother to attend

Be strong on this and very clear.

this is your day, not theirs

you’re in danger of her holding you to ransom- be up front and factual and tell her youre not pandering to anyone here. You want your dad there, he comes with a partner who wants to be at your wedding.