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AIBU?

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Original poster

To finally accept that I’ve gained weight and this is me now?

63 replies

thegreenlight · 07/09/2024 15:21

I have gained 2 stone and 2 dress sizes since starting a medication notorious for weight gain. It really works and makes my life so much better. I have been through a really hard time lately and finally come through it and started to rediscover myself. However, I’m finding the weight gain really hard. I stopped taking the medication and the weight dropped off me but within two weeks I was at crisis. I have tried every diet, workout, everything. It just won’t shift (I was a very successful dieter previously and have lost 4 stone on three occasions relatively easily) this is a whole new ballgame. I currently eat OMAD and don’t exceed 1000 calories most days but still it won’t shift (or VERY slowly followed by an inexplicable gain). My old lovely clothes are all in the attic.
Do I accept the new me? My husband loves me like this as I am so happy in myself and I am now the wrong side of 40 with no intentions of needing to attract anyone else!
My mum can’t stand it but has been weight obsessed all her life (and is bigger than me now).
So, do I concentrate on not gaining, buy new clothes and learn to love the new me?

OP posts:
GinForBreakfast · 07/09/2024 16:47

Sounds like you are better off on the meds. What exercise do you do? At that height and weight you would be an awesome powerlifter.

Weight really only matters when it comes to health. Buy some lovely new clothes and crack on enjoying life!

Original poster
thegreenlight · 07/09/2024 16:42

I’ve had therapy and come to terms with my mum’s faults. I went no contact over Covid and it was only starting my medication that helped me to see it wasn’t me. She can be lovely but I understand that doesn’t give her free range to treat me however she likes. She has always been quite a negative person and unhappy with her lot and she puts others down to make herself feel better. She seems a lot happier in her little house but she genuinely thinks she is helping me telling me to lose weight or that things don’t look good on me.

OP posts:
NoNameNoPlace · 07/09/2024 16:36

Your mother sounds vile OP, she is behaving appalling towards you. I am speculating but I wonder whether she is the reason (or part thereof) why you’ve had a hard time and need this medication in the first place?

WirKindervomBahnhofZoo · 07/09/2024 16:36

I'm sorry but your mum sounds awful and you sound lovely

Echobelly · 07/09/2024 16:33

YANBU, I'm glad the meds are working.

I've just accepted I have hit middle age and am rather 'stouter' than I was. I don't feel 'fat' but everything is a bit widescreen now and that's how it is. In my case I try to spend a few months dropping a stone (slowly) to prevent putting too much weight on as I have a joint issue that will get worse if I don't control my weight at least a bit, but life's too short for me to diet constantly.

Original poster
thegreenlight · 07/09/2024 16:33

Gosh - thank you so so much! I am planning on keeping on with OMAD as it actually quietens the food noise in the day and I can enjoy my dinner without feeling the lifelong guilt I always have about food. My mum doesn’t want to be seen out with me anymore since I gained weight (I built her a bungalow in my garden after we lost my dad and she lives here so I suppose has that as an excuse to not need to go out with me) but she used to be all over me when I was thinner, she was the one who encouraged me to come off the medication cold turkey as it put weight on me - lots of comments about my big tummy. It’s funny because the medication makes her easier to deal with but the weight it caused me to gain makes things more difficult. Since dad died I have taken her on holidays (all expenses paid) to places on her bucket list (New York, Disney World in Florida) but I can tell she isn’t as proud to be my mum as she was when I was thinner and I’m reminded of it every day which is hard. It’s helpful to hear positive voices! So Thankyou!

OP posts:
Skyrainlight · 07/09/2024 16:29

Make peace with the weight and accept it for now. I developed ME/CFS and put on 15kg and the weight makes me uncomfortable but I have vacuum packed all my cute skinny clothes and put them in the loft and when I am better I will focus on losing weight and deal with it then. If I was you for now I would just stay on the meds and not think about the weight, pack away the clothes that remind you of where you were and you can always look into losing weight at a later date. It doesn't have to be a forever situation but for now, don't use the mental space on your weight. And ignore your mother, let her issues be her own.

vidflex · 07/09/2024 16:28

I gave in and accepted my new shape last year. I have to take an epilepsy drug that had me gain two stone but has been a god send health wise. So instead of trying to lose weight I concentrate on eating healthy, I bought a whole new wardrobe to suit my new shape and I just try and enjoy life. It helps that I'm in my 50's and I have a husband who loves me dearly. He'd rather I was well than slim. I've made my peace with it x

NoNameNoPlace · 07/09/2024 16:20

You sound gorgeous and happy just as you are OP. Throw away all that conditioning from your mother and accept yourself as you are now.

OrlandointheWilderness · 07/09/2024 16:12

You know what - I'd bloody kill to be a
14/16 with shiny hair and good boobs. We spend so much time feeling shit for what we look like. Enjoy it.

Original poster
thegreenlight · 07/09/2024 15:43

I am size 14/16 and 5ft 7. I used to be a 12 and always thought I was massive and hated myself anyway! I am quite proportionate (carry weight evenly) and my bust has returned to pregnant fullness much to the delight of my husband! My hair is thicker too and has gone lovely and wavy which is weird, maybe to do with the hormones that also cause the weight gain?

OP posts:
zaxxon · 07/09/2024 15:37

It's great that you're feeling better! The weight gain is not your fault - the medication has changed your metabolism. If a little voice pipes up in your head, rubbishing you for gaining weight, that is your mother talking and you can choose to ignore her.

I'd say buy some fabulous clothes and concentrate on your overall health.

Crunched · 07/09/2024 15:29

I suppose it depends what dress size you are now, with regards to your height as well.
Used to be an '8 to 10' and now '12 to14'? In my opinion you will probably look more healthy and glowy at that size aged over 40. If you were already an 18 (unless you are 6ft+), maybe you need to look at your overall health.
I would have imagined your mental wellbeing has far more to contribute to your overall personality than an extra 20lbs does.