What age is appropriate for school friend sleepovers?

I am in the police and I will never, ever, ever allow sleepovers, ever. The sad thing is there's no certain type of person who we can really say is or isn't safe and the risk isn't worth it IMO

I mean, fucking hell, many people in the police have been proven to be rapists, murderers etc. Maybe some of us mix in better circles than the police

Just say no

One of the kids we've had stay over has a parent in the police, either they didn't get the memo, or we are clearly very trust worthy looking

I remember reading an article by someone who investigated or researched or something like that- child sexual abuse. It included references to multiple other professionals and research saying the same sort of thing. CSA is usually done by people the family know well they groom the whole family as they need the parents trust to do it. The person who wrote the article said they would never allow sleepovers even if it's seen as unfair to the kid it's just not worth the risk. That has stuck with me. I think I may allow sleepovers for teenagers but until then I'm going to be the mean parent who says sleepovers at home only.

what if your husband is the groomer?

@RedRidingGood my point is simply that it's a slippery slope argument, every decision we take as parents is risk based to some degree, you accept or avoid one risk but then have to accept the downside to it. If you take a very risk averse approach, your child will be missing out on something. I suspect most of the very binary approach parents here yet haven't gotten to the stage or opportunity of the child asking to participate, I do wonder if it will feel that black and white when they come to it.

Our poor anxiety riddled children with absolutely no hope in the world because we banned sleepovers in their pre teen years 😂

@Nataliaa exactly! They're so many other ways to socialize.

How sad it is to be a kid today.
No wonder they're all depressed and anxious.

Why on earth would you jump to that conclusion? Not letting your young child SLEEP at another persons house is hardly going to ruin their lives is it. Presumably they still see and play with other children 😂 why do they need to sleep in someone else’s house to gain this independence and great social skills lol

I am not against sleepovers for primary school age kids under 8, just don't think they "need" them as some parents portray.

My kids don't "need" holidays, or birthday parties, hugs or toys. I don't know about you, but I've set the bar for my children's childhoods a little higher than meeting their basic needs.

When it comes to my child, I'll decide thank you. Doesn't make me a bad parent. There are many ways a child can socialize. Don't see the need to shame a mother/parent for their decisions.
By the way, I'm an immigrant in this country and I got here by plane, so yes I do travel.

Poor kid @Jellybeanbag. you’re setting them up for a life of anxiety, non independence and social exclusion.

do you yourself have friends?

If you know anyone in the police ask them. Same with social workers. You will find it’s the majority that would agree

It's not "the police" though it's one person in the police.

@Nataliaa That actually happened not far from where I live. Tragic story. Thankfully incredibly rare though. It wouldn't have put me off letting my children have sleepovers, they used to have so much fun doing it. Likewise, when I was a child, so many great memories.

Of course I want to protect my children, but I also believe that fostering a wider relationship with trusted friends has an array of benefits for everyone. Growing children thrive with gradual, thoughtful independence…it’s on that basis that my dd has been having sleepovers with friends from 7. All families are local family friends who I know well and we reciprocate. Fears over SA and other types can loom large but I don’t believe the threat is so big that it should blight our lives and make them smaller. There’s always a balanced decision to be made and I’m putting my faith in trusting that my child is safe in my community of friends.

DD is only 4 and it’s not come up yet, but I can’t imagine allowing them during primary age range.

I'm very sorry to hear this :(

Everyone needs to read this. If the POLICE wouldn’t do it, take note!! It’s not worth the risk!!

Both mine started around age 10/11

I am not against sleepovers for primary school age kids under 8, just don't think they "need" them as some parents portray.

Mine, with people who are not family - nope not until secondary - my kids, my choice.

No issues for family sleepovers! But not for school friends.

I completely agree. And even more so, since the tragic story of the children murdered at a sleepover. Think it was a couple of years back. The mum’s boyfriend murdered the mum, daughter and daughters friend that was there for a sleepover. Also, when I was a child I remember going to a sleepover aged 10 and feeling very unsafe at around midnight when the dad came home drunk and beat the mum. I could hear it all but was paralysed with fear. You just never know.

Will they?

Well i'd rather take that risk than place them at risk of something much worse.

Just read the posts here of people who had/whose children had been placed at risk or situations they didn't approve of. In particular the poster who had sleepovers at a friends home who was being SA by her father, who had a respectable job. Easy to overlook that isn't it?

You're happy with your decision and its not my concern what you choose to do.

Its also not your concern what I choose to do.

Groomers thrive on situations like this.

You never really know people. Thinking of the French rape case as an example.

Do you never go on a plane due to historic terrorist attacks? You never know.

I for one agree with you. I don't feel the need to put them at risk when they're so young. You never really know people. Thinking of the French rape case as an example.