What age is appropriate for school friend sleepovers?

Mine had sleepovers at 9, they were with close friends and we trusted the parents. We also started hosting from that age too.

11 was my age for my daughters.
I was firm on that.only exception was next door neighbour, who would come and sleep at ours.

What about from mums? It’s not just Dad’s and brothers. My friends mum SA her from a young age and unfortunately in my job I’ve also come across women who have SA others (male and female) so I don’t think we can just lay it at the door of men

I’m not upset at all. I am wondering why us parents that choose to not let sleepovers happen, are being told we are basically ruining their lives 😂 some posters are being very dramatic

English isn't my first language so I'm trying to discuss with you the best I can.
Your opinion is not what I have an issue with, I have an issue with how judgemental you are on the way people parent their children.
I think it's fine for people to send their kids on sleepovers but not for me.
Personally, I think the way you're engaging with me borders on potential bullying so I'm not going to engage with you further.

@Nataliaa its not that it’s ignored but being ‘in the police’ doesn’t make you the arbiter of what is right or even advised. Logically, the police see the worst of society. Added to that, we’ve seen over recent years, that the police force itself is racist, misogynist all the other ists. So we all make our own decisions. You’re getting very upset!

@Nataliaa I can't remember how old mine were when they first went on residentials. I didn't let them go on the abroad ones though without me, only the local ones.

I was about 8/9 when I started having sleepovers - but my parents knew my friends' parents well so it wasn't as though I was being handed over to strangers. Personally, I'd want to know the parents hosting a sleepover, and if I knew them and felt confident I could trust them, then I'd be happy for DC to have sleepovers from a similar age.

I know this wasn’t to me, but as a no sleepover household as well, it was a yes to school trips. Which in my daughters school wasn’t until year 6 anyway.

I’m not the poster you quoted but I wouldn’t really let mine sleep anywhere, family or not. It’s not worth it. You might not know for years, or ever, that something happened.

You can't label everyone a potential pedophile though. Obviously be vigilant and get to know parents first but I just couldn't imagine being nervous of everyone to this degree.

So just because you're in an environment where this works for you, you're judging people who may not be in similar circumstances.

If you want to engage with me perhaps you should try to have an actual discussion highlighting actual points I have made. I know my opinion irritates you, but my point stands, if your children have not yet asked for sleepovers and you have not had to do the assessment yourself, it is silly to have made your mind up so bluntly so early. I completely emphasise if the idea of sleepovers make you anxious, uneasy, if you think you might delay it, or hope they never ask, sure, but I raise my eyebrow at anyone saying "haha no way say no sir are we doing that with Tabitha, aged 3. Ever". Though I do sympathise with victims of SA or those working with SA victims, I totally get how that impacts views. But you're trying to simplify something that is more nuanced for most people.

Unfortunately this comment will either be ignored or someone else will tell you how bad the police are, or how they know someone in the police that lets their child sleep seemingly anywhere at all. 😑

God yes I'm thinking exactly this.
DH and I are both safeguarding officers, there will be absolutely no sleepovers for DD

but then you would know that most sexual assault is committed by close family members. So many on here saying, no friends’ houses but family is ok. When it’s more likely your uncle, dad, brother is the one sexually assaulting your child

I would be teaching my child to find better friends if they tease her for not being allowed to sleep in their beds. They can still be friends and sleep in their own homes 😂

I note previous poster from the police saying no to sleepovers. I am involved in the prosecution of paedophiles. I will never allow my children to go on or have sleepovers. This is very common among my colleagues. Almost all of us say a blanket no to them.

Would you let them go on school residential trips?

No sleepover house here.

Retired solicitor.

Conversation sticks in my mind with a case I had. I was junior for counsel, in car, she took a call from her daughter wanting a sleepover. She declined. Her daughter screaming at her why can't you be normal.

After she hung up she said that it was her hard rule and after what she has seen as a criminal solicitor and barrister it would never happen.

She was city, I was country. I still think, now as a parent. Of that discussion. I am in a different setting, very small community but her words and indeed my own experiences have cemented what she said.

What happens about school trips and things like brownies and cubs?

God yes I'm thinking exactly this.
DH and I are both safeguarding officers, there will be absolutely no sleepovers for DD.

I feel you’re being a bit mean! Hard to her to understand and she may be teased because of it. You need to have a talk with her first and if you know the parents well, it shouldn’t be an issue.

Never both my children know sleepovers aren’t allowed for our family. When they get to 15/16 and at a party this might be difficult but I would still like to enforce it if possible but who knows with teenagers

I had to laugh at that one 😂 just made themselves look ridiculous

Agreed. Bitchy comments like ‘have you got any friends OP?’ As if the only way to develop friendships is by sleeping over.

As a teacher, I see it start to happen around Year 3/4 onwards.

As a parent, I’m facing this battle at the moment. DD1 is in Year 1 and desperate for a sleepover at a couple of friends’ houses. I know the parents well, the girls have known each other since well before school, but I’ve still said she needs to wait until she’s 8.

DD1 is very confident with adults, socially mature and thrives on time with her friends so we shall be fine with her going then (well, DH might not sleep). DD2 is only in preschool but is already noticeably less confident and sociable than her sister, so I’d want her go wait until I know she has the ability to handle herself more with other adults, even if that’s beyond age 8.

You as a parent know when your child is ready, but I think that’s got to be the key; when the child is ready, not you. Our fears as parents shouldn’t impact on our children’s lives.