What age is appropriate for school friend sleepovers?

Seeing friends at school or in the park is nowhere near the same as having a friend over to your house or your child going to their house. There's so many things you can't do at school, such as playing games together, doing different activities, having private chats between friends etc. Basically just having fun and being able to play without being watched like a hawk by a parent.

Some of my fondest memories of my childhood are sleepovers with friends. We got so excited and we would also stay up late, have snacks, watch a film.

I feel so sad for kids who miss out on all this.

I’m not sure I’ll ever allow sleepovers- I’m not a victim of any attack but still doesn’t sit right with me. I might feel different in secondary school but in primary it’s a blanket no.

Unashamedly a no sleepover household at the moment.

I'm up for late-overs, breakfasts, whatever to work around it.

Too much chance of SA from Dads, visiting friends of brothers, peer on peer abuse, doing things you're not ready for, or things like exposure to alcoholic/shouty/violent parents, drugs, badly trained dogs and basically an exposure to a way of life my 7 year old doesn't need.

I'll loosen the reins at secondary, but I'm not a fan of them. Only places my kid is sleeping is at my parents, his parents or my sisters, or a larger organised sleepover like brownies or school.

I'm basing it on my own history and experiences - I want better for my kid.

They can go round to their friends when they're older, when they will be more confident and know how to handle situations, have a phone and even be old enough to walk out of situations if they feel uncomfortable.

Except they'll be in a totally new situation that they've never experienced before - so they won't have built up the skill of being confident and able to handle situations. That's one of the reasons it's so important to let children have small amounts of freedom and autonomy - to build up their self-confidence and resilience.

DD1 had her first sleepover when she was 4! Very good friend and they lived down the road, I would say they both started having them with other school friends from the age of about 7.

There is so much benefit- they learn to be a bit more independent, they try different foods, they see the dynamic in a different family, they grow in confidence, they develop peer relationships. That is so important. Yes the thought of SA is horrifying but as others have said, sadly that is much more likely to come from a family member who has groomed a child rather than a random parent from school.

My kids started having sleepovers from around 7 but only with specific kids. One of my son's besties is my friend's kid - we've holidayed together and such so had no concerns.

I loosened up quite a lot when my daughter got a phone. I tell her every time that she can text me and I'll come get her, no questions asked if she doesn't want to talk about it etc. She called once when her anxiety got the best of her but otherwise has had absolutely wonderful times. I had loads of sleepovers when I was young and loved it.

We have a very open door house - my kids have friends round all the time and I love it :)

@Jellybeanbag how old are they now?

My dcs are boys but I’ve been fine with sleepovers at friends’ houses from about 9.
they have gone on cub camps from about 8.

It's each to their own with what they allow.

My rules might be crazy to some, but that's ok. Others rules to allow sleepovers, especially at a young age are crazy to me.

My DC have lots of fun with their friends, but they don't need to be sleeping over anywhere. They're not missing out in my book. Under my roof, with my family. No questions whether they might be exposed to anything by a parent, peer on peer abuse, older siblings, boyfriends/girlfriends, random people coming to the home.

So, I'm happy with my choice.

As I say, when they get older, they'll be going out with their friends. That's absolutely fine with me. They can go round to their friends when they're older, when they will be more confident and know how to handle situations, have a phone and even be old enough to walk out of situations if they feel uncomfortable.

This whole obsession with sleepovers/playdates is bizarre to me. They see their friends at school, see they some weekends, at parties and during the holidays at activities etc. But each to their own.

@Jellybeanbag So they aren't even allowed to go to a friend's house after school to play?

Dc been having sleepovers since age 6.

Do you mean you've never let your child go for an after school play, and tea, at a friend's house without you there?!

You must know that your fear is extreme, and probably pretty irrational.
Is it worth getting some therapy for yourself, to try and work out what has made you feel this way?

My kids won't do sleepovers either. My son is 12 and is happy enough to see his friends and come home to his own bed.

My daughter is 8 and hasn't expressed an interest. I would be happy to host sleepovers but I don't trust people enough to allow my kids to sleepover in other people's homes.

This is a bit controversial but as a recently separated mum, I know that one of the biggest threats to kids is "mum's new boyfriend" which is why I won't be having one. NAMALT but enough to not risk it.

When living with my husband, I would totally understand if a mother wasn't comfortable with their child sleeping over at mine.

Sleepovers are not required for a happy childhood and I'm with you OP.

I don't blame you op

Sleepovers ..... you don't know WHO will be in that house!

The stats

Makes sense, regular ongoing contact and likely on their own, not with a friend.

Id say about year 4
Its not so much the age of the child, it is also how well you know the family. I know my DC friends parents very well and am happy my DC would be safe in their homes.

@Jellybeanbag god that's sad 😢

10 is when we started doing sleepovers with school friends.

But mine had also been doing sleepovers and camp with beavers and cubs from age 6.

Back in the real world...every kid I know has sleepovers. It's a fun and exciting part of childhood. I remember asking another mum what age they should start. She had 4 older children so had more parenting experience than me. She said 8 years old if they're emotionally mature enough. Worked well for my children.
Some of my favourite memories from childhood were sleepovers, the midnight feasts, the whispering and giggling so we didn't wake up the parents.
I think it's sad that parents' paranoia is limiting children's lives these days.

Wow no sleepovers or play dates. How old are your kids @Jellybeanbag that seems insane.

My son and daughter had regular sleepovers with school friends from age 7. Happy memories of those times! We hosted too of course.

@Jellybeanbag

The stats.

@Jellybeanbag that's a real shame. You might think this is the "low risk" option but your children are really missing out, some of my most favourite memories were sleepovers growing up, Lord knows why really but it was such a fun part of childhood and I know my children think the same.

How ridiculous a comment.

How do you know the friends parents are safer than family members?!

By the same account, those friends parents are also someone's family members, make it make sense.