Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is DH is being weird about the neighbours

116 replies

Avocando · 07/09/2024 13:15

DH is doing my head in, basically being a weird af curtain twitcher

To be fair he’s much more of a “chat to the neighbours” type person and I barely know any of their names. I’ll just smile/wave if I see them in the morning and carry on with my life. That’s always been our dynamic and never been an issue.

We have been going through some significant issues TTC and our neighbours are having a baby. Their due date is any day now and it’s made DH crazy? Every time he hears their car he’s peeking to see if they might be going to the hospital or coming back with the baby? The other day he came in like “I’ve just seen Dave installing the car seat, it must be soon”

On one hand it’s nice he’s excited for them but he’s taking it way too far imo. When I’ve tried to tell him that I’m finding it a bit much he’s said I am being miserable

I know I’m a bit tetchy but I’m not being mean spirited about it.. I have even bought them a present and card etc for when the baby is here.

Someone please help me understand why he’s gone crazy because I’m on my last nerve 😂

OP posts:
Yalta · 07/09/2024 15:43

I would find all this chatting and friendliness a bit creepy especially as I am sure they have seen him peeking at them whenever they come in or go out.

Your dh sounds like he is heading for a breakdown and is obsessing over one thing he feels he can know everything about.

How would he feel if he didn’t actually get up and look when he heard them come home the next time he heard their car arriving

If he literally can’t sit down and ignore what is going on outside then he really does need help

Lovefromjuliaxo · 07/09/2024 15:36

Avocando · 07/09/2024 14:34

One thing I will say is this: it surprises me how many people seem to be ok with being a bit of a curtain twitcher… defo reconsidering how much the street might be taking notice of us as well now 😂👀

Yeah, sadly I am guilty of this, mostly because at my bf’s place the house opposite doesn’t have curtains and they continuously stare in. Sometimes I just wave to them to be a dick.

oakleaffy · 07/09/2024 15:30

Is he carrying a torch for the woman?

Buying her a present and a card in advance is deeply strange.

Why is he still invested?

It’s someone else’s baby-surely.

NiceCutRoundDomeDormice · 07/09/2024 15:29

i think its nice that he's paying attention, tells me that when its time he will be a better support for you

But he’s not being very supportive now, when the OP is asking him to cut out playing News 24.

Stressfordays · 07/09/2024 15:25

It seems normal for me but we're all a nosey bunch of neighbours up here. All very close too. Just last night, I'd had a nasty incident with a broken bowl and went knocking on my neighbours door for some help patching up my hand. Then the other neighbour had text me to see if I'm ok as they'd seen me walking across with my hand wrapped in a bloody tea towel 🤣

Tryingtoconceivenumber2 · 07/09/2024 15:20

We were a bit like this with our neighbours but we are very close. Days / nights out together. Play dates for older kids, have spare keys for each other etc.

However we were both pregnant at the same time and were each others fall back for child care for older DC if labour progressed quickly and grandparents couldn't get there quick enough.

I think people can just get very excited when a new baby is coming but I understand why you feel he is being insensitive and I do think it is thoughtless of him x

samanthablues · 07/09/2024 15:18

Your husband sounds very bored and needs to get a life.

Original poster
Avocando · 07/09/2024 15:18

BettyBardMacDonald · 07/09/2024 14:54

Spot on.

OP wants her "feelings acknowledged" but doesn't seem too concerned about his.

Just tell him you're not interested in his observations. I'm sure that will strengthen the bond...

Show quote history

But I have acknowledged it’s nice that he is excited about it, to his face. I have helped him pick out a present for them. I have listened to it for the last couple of weeks now.

but somehow the person he has married asking him to calm down a little bit is a bit much? Him calling me a misery is ok? I haven’t called him bonkers to his face even though I don’t get it, I’ve spoken to him like an adult and told him how I feel. It goes both ways surely?

OP posts:
YouveGotAFastCar · 07/09/2024 15:16

We moved house at 37 weeks pregnant and our neighbours seemed to be obsessed with our baby - one ran up the street after us to introduce themselves, and they were all very aware of every hospital visit we had! They'd come out and say that they'd seen us load the car, or they thought we'd been gone for long enough to be at the hospital and we might come back with a baby, etc.

I didn't find it that weird, people like to get very involved in pregnancies, in my experience! I was forever getting opinions on it being twins/sex predictions/food recommendations/parenting advice, from when I was first showing.

Original poster
Avocando · 07/09/2024 15:14

thursdaymurderclub · 07/09/2024 14:54

he's excited.. for his neighbours who are expecting their little bundle imminently, and probably also excited for when it's his turn. when you say you are TTC, how long have you been trying? months? years?

i think its nice that he's paying attention, tells me that when its time he will be a better support for you

We’ve been TTC for a few years, had multiple miscarriages. Waiting for an appointment with the recurrent miscarriage clinic which we’ve been on the waiting list for for months, no idea of how much longer we will have to wait. Have had appointments but they’ve been cancelled. They also are reluctant to see me in endo clinic until I’ve had the miscarriage appt or try contraception so now I’m in limbo. Went for an IUD to relieve some Endo symptoms and see maybe if we can now squeeze into endo clinic while we are waiting on what is by all accounts and excruciatingly long wait to be seen by the miscarriage clinic.

but regardless of how long anyone has been TTC/ how “bad” they had had it… I wouldn’t be judging anyone finding TTC hard.

OP posts:
krustykittens · 07/09/2024 15:12

It sounds like he is living vicariously through your neighbours for an experience he is yearning for. I can see why it would get on your nerves but I would cut him some slack.

ineedtogwtoutbeforeitatoohot · 07/09/2024 14:56

We were a bit like that when our ndn baby was due we aren't that friendly but we found it exciting !

BettyBardMacDonald · 07/09/2024 14:54

housemaus · 07/09/2024 14:23

Some really odd replies here I think - why is everyone taking OP's husband in such bad faith?

FWIW my first thought on reading it was that TTC was obviously taking its toll on him - if this had been the other way round and a husband was wondering why their wife was curtain twitching about the neighbour's baby I feel pretty sure that everyone would be like "it's hard trying to conceive, she's probably fixating on what they have and what she wants, give her some grace because it must be difficult for her watching them prepare for something you really want". I feel the same about him.

Spot on.

OP wants her "feelings acknowledged" but doesn't seem too concerned about his.

Just tell him you're not interested in his observations. I'm sure that will strengthen the bond...

thursdaymurderclub · 07/09/2024 14:54

he's excited.. for his neighbours who are expecting their little bundle imminently, and probably also excited for when it's his turn. when you say you are TTC, how long have you been trying? months? years?

i think its nice that he's paying attention, tells me that when its time he will be a better support for you

Bluesandwhites · 07/09/2024 14:51

@Clotheshorsewhisperer

Stranger things have happened ! This was years ago, but 3 former neighbours of mine were chatting over the garden fence, one of them was holding her 16 month old baby, and this neighbour's husband came back from work. The mum said " Ah, here's your Daddy, give your Dad a kiss" and the baby leaned over the fence and kissed the next door neighbour !

EarthSight · 07/09/2024 14:50

The other day he came in like “I’ve just seen Dave installing the car seat, it must be soon

That actually made me laugh 😂 He's quite invested.

Like he will literally jump up off the sofa if he thinks he’s heard them leaving the house

Yeah that's too much isn't it. I'd be concerned if they could see him. Is he an anxious type of character? This type of behaviour would indicate that he probably is.

I can definitely see why this would turn a lot of people off. It's a bit like having a nervous terrier who shoots up to stand guard on the back of the sofa to peer out of the window & yap at the smallest sound. We used to have one who used to bark if she heard me sneeze from inside my house!

Original poster
Avocando · 07/09/2024 14:39

narns · 07/09/2024 14:34

I left the house at 5am to go to hospital last time I was in labour and my neighbour came out in her dressing gown to ask if DD was coming 😂

Im sorry but I would find that unhinged - if DH did that I’d never live down the secondhand embarrassment 😂

OP posts:
PrincessOfPreschool · 07/09/2024 14:38

Skyrainlight · 07/09/2024 13:24

My husband is quite the curtain twitcher too so I wouldn't find this unusual.

Wow, I'm gosh I'm not the only one with an H like this. Dh is obsessed with what's going on in the road. He is "working from home" (looking out of the window) and keeps me constantly updated (Amazon van came but we didn't get our delivery it was for number 3, the neighbour's dog escaped, lady over the road has a new partner etc etc). I thought he was weird because I have precisely zero interest but apparently he's not alone.

ChateauMargaux · 07/09/2024 14:38

Tell him: DH, I know you are a nosey bugger and excited for a bit of neighbour news, but everytime you jump up expecting them to be bringing home a baby reminds me that we are struggling and I am finding it very difficult. I don't want to hear your speculation about when the neighbours baby will be born.

ChateauMargaux · 07/09/2024 14:38

Tell him: DH, I know you are a nosey bugger and excited for a bit of neighbour news, but everytime you jump up expecting them to be bringing home a baby reminds me that we are struggling and I am finding it very difficult. I don't want to hear your speculation about when the neighbours baby will be born.

narns · 07/09/2024 14:34

I left the house at 5am to go to hospital last time I was in labour and my neighbour came out in her dressing gown to ask if DD was coming 😂

dutysuite · 07/09/2024 14:34

My next door neighbours had a baby and the first I knew about was when I heard a new born baby cry. Shortly afterwards they knocked to introduce their baby to us. My neighbours are lovely but they live their lives and I live mine, I have no idea what they do as I have no interest in spying on them.

Original poster
Avocando · 07/09/2024 14:34

One thing I will say is this: it surprises me how many people seem to be ok with being a bit of a curtain twitcher… defo reconsidering how much the street might be taking notice of us as well now 😂👀

OP posts:
Lemonadeand · 07/09/2024 14:31

NoNameNoPlace · 07/09/2024 13:23

YANBU he’s being very insensitive by bringing up a new baby constantly when you are struggling to conceive.

He’s trying to conceive too.

TroysMammy · 07/09/2024 14:29

My neighbour's partner was a curtain twitcher until she pointed out that they've got cctv and he can have a nose without anyone seeing him watching them 😂.