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Original poster

Is DH is being weird about the neighbours

116 replies

Avocando · 07/09/2024 13:15

DH is doing my head in, basically being a weird af curtain twitcher

To be fair he’s much more of a “chat to the neighbours” type person and I barely know any of their names. I’ll just smile/wave if I see them in the morning and carry on with my life. That’s always been our dynamic and never been an issue.

We have been going through some significant issues TTC and our neighbours are having a baby. Their due date is any day now and it’s made DH crazy? Every time he hears their car he’s peeking to see if they might be going to the hospital or coming back with the baby? The other day he came in like “I’ve just seen Dave installing the car seat, it must be soon”

On one hand it’s nice he’s excited for them but he’s taking it way too far imo. When I’ve tried to tell him that I’m finding it a bit much he’s said I am being miserable

I know I’m a bit tetchy but I’m not being mean spirited about it.. I have even bought them a present and card etc for when the baby is here.

Someone please help me understand why he’s gone crazy because I’m on my last nerve 😂

OP posts:
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Longdarkcloud · 12/10/2024 15:54

Fingers crossed for you OP.
💐

Original poster
Avocando · 12/10/2024 15:30

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 12/10/2024 15:05

@Avocando This morning I had a positive pregnancy test.
I have an IUD so shitting myself a bit but cautiously hopeful
confused! you are trying to conceive but have an IUD inserted?????

Edited

I had it a couple of months ago to see if it would help endometriosis symptoms while I was waiting for an appointment at the recurrent miscarriage clinic. The wait has been really long and emotional so it seemed a good idea to have a little break from TTC and try and relieve some symptoms. The clinic told me it was fine to do.

the test might be wrong? Idk. I’ll be calling the GP/clinic monday

OP posts:
allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 12/10/2024 15:05

@Avocando This morning I had a positive pregnancy test.
I have an IUD so shitting myself a bit but cautiously hopeful
confused! you are trying to conceive but have an IUD inserted?????

Original poster
Avocando · 12/10/2024 14:52

So a little update: yesterday I had an absolute meltdown over something minor. Thought “that was weird”

This morning I had a positive pregnancy test.

I have an IUD so shitting myself a bit but cautiously hopeful

OP posts:
Original poster
Avocando · 27/09/2024 16:33

Anyway, for all of you so worried about my DH. Like I said they’ve had the baby - he’s agreed that he did have a couple of weeks of being a bit bonkers and doesn’t really know why. But he was happy to give their neighbours the present and their baby is really cute, they bought her round for a little snuggle.

He sees his friends, plays a sport three times a week and we share a hobby which do on occasion with a small group. He is on the parish council too! We are going to wait for our appointments now (one for endo clinic in December, still waiting on the recurrent miscarriage one but it will by all accounts still be a while) and go from there. I won’t be replying to this thread anymore but with luck we might be updating you on our very own baby when the time comes, and I’m sure he will be wonderful. Probably will be a PTA Dad knowing him 😂

OP posts:
Original poster
Avocando · 27/09/2024 16:23

Lovefromjuliaxo · 27/09/2024 15:34

im sure with an attitude like that he’s happy with you

Show quote history

I don’t understand why you've repeatedly said “TTC is hard on the man too”. When I’ve said we’ve talked/I have tried to talk about it. I’m not naive to the fact, I have said as much. We’ve had multiple miscarriages and have supported each other throughout (something else I’ve stated) so I’m obviously don’t believe he’s just skipping along happy because he’s “getting lots of sex” … so How is you repeating the same thing useful?

OP posts:
Inspireme2 · 27/09/2024 15:53

Does he have a sicial life and friends?
He probably feels excited for the baby and a sense of having an aquaintance.
Perhaps he enjoys it and wishes he was friends.
A people person.

Lovefromjuliaxo · 27/09/2024 15:34

Avocando · 27/09/2024 11:58

Oh really? I had no idea and made no attempt to discuss this with him 🙄

Show quote history

im sure with an attitude like that he’s happy with you

Lovefromjuliaxo · 27/09/2024 15:33

Choochoo21 · 27/09/2024 14:31

Have they had the baby already or does he just get bored easily 😂

Op replied they’ve had baby

Choochoo21 · 27/09/2024 14:31

Have they had the baby already or does he just get bored easily 😂

Original poster
Avocando · 27/09/2024 11:58

Lovefromjuliaxo · 26/09/2024 22:49

I hope he is considering getting some counselling, TTC can be hard on the male partner as well as the female.

Oh really? I had no idea and made no attempt to discuss this with him 🙄

OP posts:
Lovefromjuliaxo · 26/09/2024 22:49

I hope he is considering getting some counselling, TTC can be hard on the male partner as well as the female.

LoremIpsumCici · 26/09/2024 18:17

Avocando · 26/09/2024 10:32

I’m sure you’ll be pleased to know he has gone back to his usual non curtain twitching self and peace is restored 😂

Great! So it was temporary baby fever.

Original poster
Avocando · 26/09/2024 10:32

I’m sure you’ll be pleased to know he has gone back to his usual non curtain twitching self and peace is restored 😂

OP posts:
ToastCrumbsInMyBed · 11/09/2024 15:46

I'd also have a very low tolerance of that kind of nosiness. I'm sure the neighbours wouldn't appreciate having their movements scrutinised. It would really turn me off him if it continued.

YouveGotAFastCar · 11/09/2024 15:25

I guess the test now will be whether he carries on, or whether it was short-term baby excitement.

I don't know many curtain twitchers in their 20s. I think it's probably something that does begin when people are older... So it's possible that he is now going to update you about the weird car on the street/an ambulance outside number 60/a weird dog walker/a strange egg smell/etc that's happening outside. In that case, I think you'll just have to find some coping mechanisms for you - perhaps headphones, or just nodding and smiling?

If it stops, I would presume that it is linked to TTC for him, and perhaps wanting to feel some of the excitement and joy around an impending birth, even if he's "borrowing" that from a neighbour. I'd try and keep that in mind even if they weren't feelings that he's fully acknowledged or verbalised yet... and then I'd be glad that it had stopped 😆

All the best with your TTC journey, too.

Original poster
Avocando · 11/09/2024 15:19

And as for all your suggestions about talking to him about his feelings about TTC. Obviously we have done this. Many many times. You can’t go through a long time TTC, multiple miscarriages and investigations and NOT talk about it. But go ahead and tell me I’m not thinking of my husbands feelings despite voicing that I have been supportive but the behaviour is wearing thin.

In this instance it was dismissed and I got called a misery. Maybe that’s true and I am trying to learn not to judge other peoples reactions to things when they aren’t what you expect.

I would urge you to consider how you judge other people when they are trying to express how they feel, even when those emotions are what you consider to be ugly

OP posts:
Original poster
Avocando · 11/09/2024 15:13

He’s just text me to say that they’ve had the baby - the midwife knocked on the wrong door (ours) when she came to visit them at home.

Hopefully he will chill out a bit now.

OP posts:
Lovefromjuliaxo · 10/09/2024 06:12

Avocando · 08/09/2024 13:43

He’s NOT usually a curtain twitcher, I couldn’t have been married to him for 12 years if that were the case!

This suggests that it may be because of the baby then, as I’m assuming that’s the only significant thing that’s happened publicly in your street recently that he’s noticed and is talking about a lot.

sounds like he may be struggling himself with TTC and he may be jealous even if you aren’t. It’s worth having a chat with him about his feelings. People often forget about the man’s feelings during TTC, assuming they are just happy because they’re getting so much sex.

LoremIpsumCici · 08/09/2024 16:55

Avocando · 07/09/2024 13:38

Surely observing comings and goings is like “I happened to notice Jim in the garden” not actively looking to see when they are leaving/coming back and speculating over where they’ve been

I dunno. I view it as simply observing when you are alerted by either sight or sound. No difference to me to notice Jim in the garden by sight or Jim leaving in the car by hearing a car door.

Have you mentioned your feelings to him? If not, how does he know it hurts you? And do you know why it hurts you as opposed to your earlier description that it was merely irritating?

LoremIpsumCici · 08/09/2024 16:52

Begsthequestion · 07/09/2024 15:46

It's a tad insensitive to op, given he and his spouse are struggling to conceive.

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But he’s also part of the struggle to conceive? What about his feelings?

Original poster
Avocando · 08/09/2024 13:43

He’s NOT usually a curtain twitcher, I couldn’t have been married to him for 12 years if that were the case!

OP posts:
Backmarks · 08/09/2024 12:55

ChandelierDrop · 08/09/2024 12:39

Well, that was my first thought, but from what the OP says, it long predates the neighbour’s pregnancy and their own attempt to conceive, and he’s just generally the type of person who leaps off the sofa to the window if he hears neighbourly activity…

OP, I’m sorry you’re struggling to conceive. Best wishes for it, and be kind to yourself. I couldn’t be married to a curtain twitcher. He needs to get out of the house more. Suggest time-consuming outdoor hobbies.

Show quote history

It doesn't predate their TTC - the OP literally said "And - as much as he will chat to neighbours, he’s never been so curtain twitchy before and we’ve lived here for 8 years"

ChandelierDrop · 08/09/2024 12:39

Sartre · 08/09/2024 07:15

I think it’s fairly obvious why he is doing this, given your struggles to conceive. Poor guy is having a hard time mentally and I guess is latching onto this couple as a result. Give him a break.

Well, that was my first thought, but from what the OP says, it long predates the neighbour’s pregnancy and their own attempt to conceive, and he’s just generally the type of person who leaps off the sofa to the window if he hears neighbourly activity…

OP, I’m sorry you’re struggling to conceive. Best wishes for it, and be kind to yourself. I couldn’t be married to a curtain twitcher. He needs to get out of the house more. Suggest time-consuming outdoor hobbies.

Yalta · 08/09/2024 12:34

The stress he is putting on you getting up and down to look out of the window and asking you what do you think is happening can’t be helping with your struggles to conceive.

Next time he does it tell him that his actions aren’t helping anyone. How would you know if NDNs have had the baby or not. Why doesn’t he go ask them what is happening in their lives every hour on the hour to keep him informed.

If he wants to help he could start Googling diet and exercise to give him and you the best chances to conceive

I am no expert but his cortisol levels and by extension your cortisol levels aren’t helped by him being in a state of anxiety and feeling compelled to jump up at every single noise from outside.

He needs to concentrate on his own problems instead of making NDNs the problem he needs to focus on

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