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60 replies

outofbattery · 07/09/2024 13:09

I've been told that life would be easier if I were more playful with my children, making daily tasks fun so they don't feel like a chore for anyone.

However, I'm not naturally playful. I've tried, really tried. Parenting isn't easy for me, but I don’t want my kids to feel that burden. So, I put in my best effort every day, though it leaves me drained when things don't go as planned.

For instance, start and end of the day transitions are tough. I’ve tried playful approaches—like saying the clothes are lonely or hungry—but they backfire. The kids run from the "clothes monster" or come up with ways to delay further at which point we've then used time and I get frustrated. I've made it a race, but that often ends in tears for the "loser." Trying to race the clock or beat the parent works briefly before they lose interest. Even breakfast involves silly games like pretending spoons are too heavy with porridge. It's tolerable when it works, but all too often I try and still fail. Maybe they sense I’m not enjoying it, but I don’t know how to change who I am to make it fun for me too.

How can I improve at being playful but still get things done? Personally I would love it if they just did the things and then we'd have time to play together. On the rare days that we zip through everything I try to make a big fuss of the additional time we have to play or read or whatever. But doesn't seem to make a difference to the majority of the days.

(Please don't say "not everything needs to be fun"—I agree. I wish they’d just listen and do things without a fuss, but when I approach life (or mn) like that I'm told I'm unrealistic and should be more playful. So my question is, how can you be playful while still getting stuff done?)

OP posts:
outofbattery · 07/09/2024 19:55

simpledeer · 07/09/2024 14:35

This thread has reminded me of my friends no nonsense mother who was looking after friends DC overnight.

Five year old son/grandson refused to get undressed ready for bath, so granny picked him up and put him in the bath fully clothed.

He behaved impeccably from that point on 😂

this sounds like me from the future....😂have managed to hold myself in as the mum, but feel like grannies get away with anything!!

OP posts:
outofbattery · 07/09/2024 19:53

GalacticalFarce · 07/09/2024 13:53

I'm not playful like that. I used to just nag them to do the things that need to get done but I'd bring some playfulness in other ways.
Like actual play. Chase them around, have a water fight or pillow fight, ask them silly questions, tell them jokes,

I'm pretty adept at the rough n tumble play. Had many years of being an aunt and am good at winding up/wearing out children. But have zero skills in then bringing them back down again...the wind down just ends in the kids trying to keep playing with you and then eventually the adult gets annoyed and the good feels are gone. So I don't tend to do it much as a mum. Any advice on how to get back to base after silliness?

OP posts:
GingerPirate · 07/09/2024 14:53

This reply has been deleted

Withdrawn at the poster's request

Exactly.
I preferred company of adults to children
since I was a kid myself, needless to say I don't have any.

Goldbar · 07/09/2024 14:43

I think it's fine to threaten them rather than sing songs, if you need them to do stuff. Not with actual violence obviously, at least not credibly.

I tell my 7yo that if they don't hurry up and get ready for school, I'm going to buy a lion and release it and it will eat up anyone left in the house after the rest of us have left (on time) for school. DC doesn't believe me but there is enough doubt there that they decide not to chance their luck.

Goldbar · 07/09/2024 14:38

simpledeer · 07/09/2024 14:35

This thread has reminded me of my friends no nonsense mother who was looking after friends DC overnight.

Five year old son/grandson refused to get undressed ready for bath, so granny picked him up and put him in the bath fully clothed.

He behaved impeccably from that point on 😂

I have put my own toddler in the bath fully-clothed but it was an oversight (because I was shouting at the other one to stop climbing on the sink) not deliberate 😂!

simpledeer · 07/09/2024 14:35

This thread has reminded me of my friends no nonsense mother who was looking after friends DC overnight.

Five year old son/grandson refused to get undressed ready for bath, so granny picked him up and put him in the bath fully clothed.

He behaved impeccably from that point on 😂

Morwenscapacioussleeves · 07/09/2024 14:31

Counter intuitively if children are involved in something it's faster to spend 2 minutes engaging with them about/in their play then explaining it's time to get ready.
(I did lots of "it's time to" "this is x time" so it wasn't mummy telling them to do something AGAIN)

If you want to shout sing in opera style & it's so silly (or painful in my tone deaf case!) you'll all laugh.

We have lots of wee creatures about, some that live in your teeth so you need to keep them clean, some just behind that next bush so you keep walking etc etc but getting dressed I always found at those kind of ages it was best for it to be a physical thing so I would put my hand into their sleeve & shake hands then flip it over them. Ask their toes if they want to hide in socks etc obviously they could dress themselves but it's hard/lonely/boring so goes much faster with some encouragement.

Songs for everything.

BUT only do it as it serves you, your children want you not a fake

Sharptonguedwoman · 07/09/2024 14:29

outofbattery · 07/09/2024 13:56

Were they generally pretty amicable with it? Willing to try the thank you thing, thanks! Honestly everyone describes me as a no nonsense woman but my kids give zero fucks. Feel like I'm utterly up against it whenever there's something that needs to get done.

All sympathy. I'm not 'playful' either and we didn't make up songs. Just clear calm instructions 🙄Oh, I wish the calm bit were true. DD would be late for anything, still the same and now 30.

Goldbar · 07/09/2024 14:22

Also, I don't think it's necessary to make everything fun so long as you have some fun moments in the day.

If my older DC isn't getting dressed quickly enough, I ask them if they're planning on going to school in just their pants as we have to leave in 2 minutes. That usually does the trick. If they don't eat quickly enough, the food is taken away.

Goldbar · 07/09/2024 14:19

My idea of fun is to lie on the sofa cushions on the floor with a big duvet over me. The kids climb all over me, I get a bit of a rest, lots of giggles, everyone happy.

ConstanceHatchaway · 07/09/2024 14:04

outofbattery · 07/09/2024 13:56

Were they generally pretty amicable with it? Willing to try the thank you thing, thanks! Honestly everyone describes me as a no nonsense woman but my kids give zero fucks. Feel like I'm utterly up against it whenever there's something that needs to get done.

Just be yourself. Honestly. What parent doesn’t nag sometimes. It’s exhausting, but it’s fine.

LeontineFrance · 07/09/2024 14:02

Who says you are not fun?

outofbattery · 07/09/2024 13:59

mimiasovitch · 07/09/2024 13:55

Sorry - I didn't read properly and saw it was about daily tasks. I was totally shit at that and remember losing my temper an awful lot.

This makes me feel better. I feel deranged. I just want a better mother for my kids than this nagging crazy woman they live with but honestly they don't have encourage her!!

OP posts:
outofbattery · 07/09/2024 13:56

simpledeer · 07/09/2024 13:35

Yeah I didn’t do that shit with my kids. We did have made up songs for everything though. My DC still remember them. I’m worried they might be handed down to the next generation and wish I had made them better!

Just be yourself OP.

Top tip from me as an ex teacher is to say “thank you” at the end of an instruction. It implies there will be no defiance. “Brush your teeth now Nathan, thank you.”

Keep going, this too shall pass.

Were they generally pretty amicable with it? Willing to try the thank you thing, thanks! Honestly everyone describes me as a no nonsense woman but my kids give zero fucks. Feel like I'm utterly up against it whenever there's something that needs to get done.

OP posts:
mimiasovitch · 07/09/2024 13:55

Sorry - I didn't read properly and saw it was about daily tasks. I was totally shit at that and remember losing my temper an awful lot.

ConstanceHatchaway · 07/09/2024 13:54

No need for it, these are things they have to get on with anyway so downplay it instead. Give them a reason to why they have to do these things. Ok let’s get dressed so we can go out and do xxx. Do you need some help or can you do it on your own?
Time to brush teeth so you can go and pick which book to read. Will you pick a book about xx or xx, hmm I wonder. Or maybe I could pick one?

Motivation.

mimiasovitch · 07/09/2024 13:53

I hated playing make believe with mine, (no mummy, that's not random dolls voice etc etc) but could totally get on board with messy play. We had a vinyl cloth that would come out with paint, glitter, glue etc and they loved that. Also baking worked well. There'll be some sort of play that'll work for you.

GalacticalFarce · 07/09/2024 13:53

I'm not playful like that. I used to just nag them to do the things that need to get done but I'd bring some playfulness in other ways.
Like actual play. Chase them around, have a water fight or pillow fight, ask them silly questions, tell them jokes,

outofbattery · 07/09/2024 13:52

MsMajeika · 07/09/2024 13:49

The William Tell Overture works really well for getting stuff done quickly too!

Edited

Adding these to a playlist

OP posts:
outofbattery · 07/09/2024 13:52

This reply has been deleted

Withdrawn at the poster's request

I do, and I'm then ignored. I say I'll help them to get dressed and they run away. I get cross and the mood turns sour. The beginning and the end of the day are really bloody miserable. When I speak about my tactics there's literally always someone to tell me it's wrong. I.e. shouting not good for multiple reasons, asking multiple times suggests they're feral and disrespectful, reward charts (ineffective anyway imo) hardly reflective of real life, doing it for them (your child is how old and you're still dressing them?!). Honestly thought I was robust until I became a parent. Feels like anything you do is incorrect by someone's standards.

OP posts:
MsMajeika · 07/09/2024 13:49

The William Tell Overture works really well for getting stuff done quickly too!

outofbattery · 07/09/2024 13:48

OldChinaJug · 07/09/2024 13:36

Oh yeah and songs.

Lots of made up songs and rewritten lyrics to existing songs they love that.

Challenge them to tidy up to the 51 second introduction of the original Mission Impossible theme. You'll be amazed at what they can get done!

Ha that does actually sound enjoyable!

OP posts:
OldChinaJug · 07/09/2024 13:36

Oh yeah and songs.

Lots of made up songs and rewritten lyrics to existing songs they love that.

Challenge them to tidy up to the 51 second introduction of the original Mission Impossible theme. You'll be amazed at what they can get done!

simpledeer · 07/09/2024 13:35

Yeah I didn’t do that shit with my kids. We did have made up songs for everything though. My DC still remember them. I’m worried they might be handed down to the next generation and wish I had made them better!

Just be yourself OP.

Top tip from me as an ex teacher is to say “thank you” at the end of an instruction. It implies there will be no defiance. “Brush your teeth now Nathan, thank you.”

Keep going, this too shall pass.

CuriousGeorge80 · 07/09/2024 13:34

I totally understand OP. When I need to be fun but don’t have the energy I use made up songs and play music, as others have suggested. So we have a toothbrushing song that we made up and they have to brush their teeth while we sing it. Stuff like that.

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