AIBU to wonder if it’s the done thing when people share their kids ‘big’ achievements online?

This and especially this re any form of SM
On FB anyone who doesn't care can ignore.
I don't understand why people get so angsty about other people's social media which as @BarbaraHoward has said you can ignore! Much harder to ignore face to face 'boasting'!

I like seeing the big news - first day at school, graduations etc

reports and grades - never seen that!

Really? You forget how well your kids did in their exams / sports teams / school play?
you only do it for the reminder?

I feel like social media has become the modern version of those ‘round robin’ letters that people would get pre-social media.

Ever since I was a child, my parents have been sent round robin letters at Christmas from their friends that are always full of details of their kids’/family’s achievements (and the lovely holidays they always seemed to go on!) I’d sometimes read them but stopped when I realised they were winding me up 😂

I didn't really (and still don’t) know the families who were sending these letters, so it felt like I was just reading letters from a stranger telling me all about their Children’s fantastic achievements and it often made me feel inadequate.

Also, I don’t like that whatever you put on social media stays on there forever, as it means we’re not really in control of whatever we put on there. And I’d also get worried that people would judge me - either publicly or silently 😂 - for being self-centred if I constantly put details of my kids’ achievements on social media.

Because of this, I wouldn’t put my kids’ achievements on social media. I don’t mind reading about other kids’ achievements though, as I’ve learned to stop if it gets too much haha.

It's refreshing to see a (general) societal push back against social media. I'm hearing of more conversations offline with people (myself included) deleting meta products and tiktok, surprisingly among the university generation. There is a movement towards using dumbphones.

I don’t brag about my kids on social media because it makes me cringe when others do.

I completely agree...and I'm also no longer on SM and work as a children's therapist so see the impact SM and being unable to develop a healthy sense of self that isn't attached to an internet presence has.

It feels slightly performative.

From the age of 15ish, I grew up with parents who posted about every little achievement I had on their huge Facebook accounts and I really really hated it as i’m a private person.

Eventually everytime I shared news/a photo with them, i had to ask, ‘but please dont share this on facebook’ or it would be up in minutes. My dad wasn’t a great dad growing up, so it came across as boasting/attention seeking/look how good of a parent i am.

Now i’m pregnant with my own, I’ll most likely post photos on my Instagram, like their first day at school, holiday photos etc, but specific achievements/grades will just be posted in the family whatsapp chat.

Social media isn't even aware that I had a second and third child. I don't post them or about them. Hardly post at all to be honest.

Our extended family (we're close) have a WhatsApp group where we share news.

I do post our family achievements on Facebook but mostly to keep the memories for us, I have an album of ‘school years’ ‘DC1 football’ ‘DC2 dance’ etc. So I post a photo and add it to the album, it’s lovely when in 1,2,5,10 years that those memories appear.

Just to add, I haven’t ever done this in relation to my child. But when friends do it about their children I don’t mind at all. I just feel pleased for them.

Yes, I agree.

I like seeing how my friends and family are doing, I like seeing their kids passing driving tests or their new garden makeover.

I post about my kids achievements online (with their permission - they’re 19 and 22).

Not stuff about school reports, but the bigger stuff - when DD1 graduated and passed her driving test or when DD2 competes in some horse riding event and gets a rosette.

I guess it depends on how you use social media, but mine is private and I only have family and actual friends as followers and I’m happy for them when I see all their achievements.

But so what? Why can’t parents be proud of their child and declare their achievements just because others didn’t achieve the same?

I think I have bias because I had parents who boasted and still boast in RL about their DC to all and sundry. Think to do with their bad experiences as children. It was embarrassing and poor social skills IMO!

often people wouldn’t ‘broadcast’ it if bumping into an acquaintance in the street but do so online. It’s the same thing, isn’t ‘lovely’ and doesn’t benefit DC.

Agree that it’s inconsistent to differentiate between types of ‘achievements’ unless perhaps between team things (eg performance arts, some sports) and individual ones.

All of my friends on Facebook are friends in real life so why wouldn’t I be interested in their children’s achievements?
i have lived on five different countries and it’s lovely to see the children grow up.

Exactly, my daughter put just as much hard work into her GCSE’s as someone training for a competition. She didn’t just show up and not had to do any preparation. I’m very proud of how much hard work she put in.

For the reasons I said upthread - children who struggle can't really opt out of academics. And I say that as someone who has achieved a lot academically but hasn't a sporty bone in her body.

I don’t see why being proud of your child’s hard work (in the face of much adversity) has to be seen as boastful and not just proud. I don’t particularly care if people think it’s boastful, it’s not me who has achieved it, it’s my daughters hard work so I’m not boasting I’ve achieved something special, as it was her who did it. I’m acknowledging and celebrating her hard work and if other people didn’t care there wouldn’t have been over 120 comments about it. If some people want to pull a face and say she’s just boasting then let them. Let’s face it that’s what social media is for. Most people don’t post the hard stuff, just the nice stuff they’ve achieved, new jobs, new babies, holidays etc. If you don’t like that, don’t go on social media.

I think it's symptomatic of parents boasting about their children which I see as healthy and positive. It doesn't matter where.
In my days, parents were boasting at the school gates or over diner with friends. Except mine.

I don't care if my DC are low, mid pr high achievers but I will be boasting about them. :)

I post because I like things coming up in my memories. I often forget what the kids have done and my memories remind me. Plus I'm bloody proud of my kids they've been through so much, and achieved so well. (I'll pop my hard hat on now)

To those saying it’s ok to share success about sporting achievements but not academics - why? Surely getting stellar results in exams takes as much talent and hard work as it does in sport?

More generally, I think it’s lovely to publicly declare how hard your child worked and what they achieved and that you are proud of them. It can be done without denigrating others. It’s all about tone.

The only thing I shared was that mine had got into university and which university they had got into with a "Junior clothes is off to Mumsnet university!" As with others I feel it's their lives and their news to share.

I don't do achievements, but I have done first day at school and the like - we don't live near family, and also several of the staff from their nursery had asked to see a photo etc. Easiest to pop it on FB and restrict to friends only than to try figure out who wants to be bothered on WhatsApp! On FB anyone who doesn't care can ignore.

Because broadcasting it far and wide is not “celebrating”, by any definition, it’s boasting.
How can you not see that?

I don't do it personally and even the thought of me doing it makes me cringe. I do share achievements with close friends and family privately.

I don't think negatively of people posting the big things though, e.g 'well done x for working so hard on your GCSEs/passing your driving test' etc. Every house point, certificate or whatever is a bit embarrassing though. I think it smacks ofpeople living vicariously through their children.