AIBU to wonder if it’s the done thing when people share their kids ‘big’ achievements online?

They're the ones saying they're bothered by others fb posts!

I like seeing all the achievements! Love seeing sporting achievements being celebrated and also exams, reports, plays, musical achievements - all of it! Life can be so miserable and depressing and so i love seeing people celebrating and being proud.

Your 'don't over share' could be another's cringing at your boastful blasting of your news....😉

No I never have posted anything about ds on social media but then I do not about myself

but I am sure I bore everyone to tears around me on how amazing he is 😁

I post about my kids' achievements on Facebook. But I only have very close friends and family members on there. I ignore friendship requests from everyone else. My posts are only visible by my Facebook contacts.

It's an easy way of keeping people up to date with what's going on in our lives. I don't really see the issue. If you don't like it, scroll past it 🤷🏻‍♀️

So the ones who don’t feel the need to be validated by others are insecure?

I do but I don’t over share info about my kids. There are some old photos on my FB on there but nothing about their grades or other achievements. We celebrate that at home but not in the public eye.

It goes to show how subjective everything is, because reading this I would have said the issue is with you being pissed off as opposed to the parent saying “really good”.

I do think a lot of it is about how we perceive humility. Some people see humility as a necessity, whereas others see it as completely unnecessary. I suppose you would fall into the former whereas the other parent falls into the latter?

I love seeing photos / posts of my friends kids achievements / milestones - they are my friends, they are people that I like - why wouldn't I want to share their celebration?

My last two 'kid' related posts were celebrating DSD's graduation and DS winning an industry award - they are 26 and 22 and both sent photos telling me that I could put it on socials if I wanted (ie could I please put it on facebook) and promptly 'liked' every single comment.

Scroll by if it doesn’t interest you

Such a cop out. I’ve already seen it and judged you for it even if I don’t interact with the post.

although I do unfollow people who do it too much.

Parents do it for the themselves not for the kids. They will use the excuse it’s for granny and grandpa to see but it isn’t. Being proud of your kids doesn’t required you to post about it on SM. I have one FB friend who only ever posts about her Dd achievements. It already tiresome and she gets fewer and fewer likes over the years. I secretly hope her child rebels in a couple of years and we’ll see what she posts about then.

Haha!

thank you. And I am every bit as proud of his brother who hasn’t got the same results but still worked hard and has had a lot of challenges in school. I wouldn’t boast about grades (publicly 😅) because yes hard work is part of it but so is luck - being suited to our system of assessment, having a stable environment in which to study, not having health issues or disability, or dealing with family members with the same…etc

What a perfect way to show absolute negative thinking!! You obvious won't have any form of social media yourself I assume?

I think it's part of a bigger picture with social media where we're teaching children to seek validation externally over internally.

Absolutely this @mummabubs , and also that being the message for ourselves too. Performative is the right word. So many things posted for likes, and then if you don't get them the negative feelings that go with that. Too much!!

I left SM about 3 years ago for mental health reasons (keeping up with the Jones's just wasn't good for me, didn't have good boundaries!), it's amazing how quickly you forget that this sort of thing is the norm. Feel much healthier without it. Try and have solid smart phone boundaries around my young DC and will be keeping them off social media as long as I can.

I do wonder though about the 'right to post', as it's their children's digital profile they're building and the children who will have to live with the consequences of it. Doesn't feel like it should be a given right that parents can post anything/everything they want to. Appreciate the post was about achievements, but there's a general wider chat about boundaries too. I know some friends who have non private profiles and regularly post pictures of their kids with no clothes on. They see no issue with it at all. I'd be mortified if I found a photo of me nude on the internet, no matter how young I was in the photo.

I think on a family WhatsApp you only post actual results if asked specifically

I don't mind any of it and quite enjoy seeing it.

I'd suggest those bothered by it msy actually be the less confident ones. Scroll by if it doesn't interest you.

I live in a part of the world where we do the 11 plus.

lots of disappointed small children and bloody clueless parents jumping up and down shouting their children’s results.

I think a lot of parents are just not emotionally intelligent and this really shines through when they want to boast about their children. What are they teaching their children!!!

I actually saw a parent brag and brag and brag infront of another parent and child. One little girl started to cry and the child of the bragger went over and hugged her and told her results don’t matter. While her mum was still showing people a video on the phone of them opening the results.

people are stupid

I see it as very attention seeking and I don’t like it when parents do it to their kids or when they boast about themselves. I think it’s undignified and I don’t think it’s something that people with a robust self confidence do. They are just chasing likes but at the expense of their children's privacy.

so it's only OK for sporty/musical kids to be celebrated?

Eh?
You choose 'good'.
She choose 'really good'.
It's all subjective.
For one child 3 Cs might be 'brilliant' because they expected 3 fails. For another 3 As might be 'good' because they've been on track for 3 A*s all year!
We're in Scotland, I know folk who did better/worse/differently than my son, but it's about their achievements and their feelings, not a comparison.

I’d have been mortified if FB was around when I was a kid and my mum had posted all my achievements on it (though she wouldn’t have).

School reports make me laugh. I was a teacher so can recognise a copied and pasted report when I see one, yet the parent thinks it’s absolutely wonderful that their child got this incredible report. I never burst their bubble though, that wouldn’t be kind.

I think sport/ music etc achievements are different to exams such as GCSEs because generally children who aren’t sporty won’t be taking part in sports competitions so you don’t have children who are failing or do badly and in most cases with sports/ music etc even if an event goes badly you will do well in another, it’s not a one shot opportunity like exams. Everybody has to do GCSEs so there will be children who failed or didn’t do well finding this out on the same day those who did well are being celebrated.

I generally think it's nice that parents are proud of their kids and want to share it.

Personally I wouldn't share academic results because it seems braggy and I'm aware it would be difficult to read that sort of post if your own child is struggling.

Ds does act and sing and I am guilty of occasional "proud mum moment" posts with pictures from the shows, I'd put sporting achievements in the same category as this and when I see a sporty post I'm sort of vaguely pleased that they're happy but not that interested.

We're talking once or twice a year though, I do find it a little bit silly when parents post every certificate, badge and positive teacher's comment with #proudmumma type things.

The one thing that does wind me up for some odd reason is the phrase #smashed it!!
Especially when used for a fairly mundane activity that pretty much all kids do (EG having a good first week at school)

I wonder how it makes children feel when they mess up or fail at something in life when all their achievements and triumphs are always trumpeted on social media?

Surely it must make them feel that they have let their parents down more than if was always clear to them that life is full of ups and downs and that's why it's important to share good news with close friends and family, but not make an announcement to hundreds of people.