AIBU to wonder if it’s the done thing when people share their kids ‘big’ achievements online?

I suppose sporting or musical achievements are not something everyone is doing at the same time so perhaps it feels more a)exciting and b) less comparative to share than gcse results when everyone else in the country is getting them at the same time.

if someone has been working really hard and is chosen to captain of the netball team or has got their grade 8 piano - then I suppose it is a bit different. Still would chose to share on family WhatsApp vs anything public

I don't out my kids on SM

Bitterness and envy. That's all it is.

I love hearing about people's achievements. I'll celebrate the achievements of a random person on the train to Plymouth if they share it with me (and have done!)

Life can be hard and disappointing at times.

I think people probably need to do a bit of work on themselves if someone else's chiild achieves something and they genuinely feel angry about it!

Personally I don't think so.

My ds is an elite competitor in his sport.

He's NOT particularly academic!

Passing his English gcse was as much (of not more) of an achievement than becoming British champ at a competition.

One post was about how proud I was of him acheiving a pass at English gcse and how hard he'd worked for it.

Another would be about how he competed well and became British champ.

The truth is the second achievement was a given if he did what he can do. Doesn't mean he would have done it but a 4 in English - which many would see as the lesser achievement was by far the biggest achievement for him.

Awaits the mnetter post of
"Well I don't even let dc know their results so they don't get big headed. I intercept the results envelope and slide the letter out backwards. They'll get a stern 'that'll do' for A or A*, Anything less gets a curt tssk and try harder."

Nope.
Those who are so bothered by other's posts might be a tad insecure though.

It's a cop out to actively choose what you interact with? Ok then. 🫣

But you chose to play down your DDs results. That's not anyone else's responsibility to do the same.

My ds came 4th in a European final this year. I was so chuffed and happily shared it. I'm glad for the kids that got medals - and would hate for their parents to have felt that couldn't be celebrated because my ds got 4th.

Because we all know that was more of a shock than those who won medals - he wasn't even ranked to final!

No one's achievements being higher diminishes others. If they do that's in the readers head and own interpretation unless the post specifically says

"Ha, just 3 As - mine got 4 A*'s"

I don't have kids and all my friends with kids do it and I don't have a problem with it. I'm surprised there's so much negativity about it, I guess it's parents being bitter. If one of my friends post on social media because they'd got a new job or got xyz score for an adult education exam or achieved something, it wouldn't occur to me to be anything other than happy for them. Being happy for them doesn't take away from my achievements.

Social media is literally about people sharing their lives and things that are important or interesting to them. Relatives or friends that live far away enjoy seeing updates. It's far more interesting than all the elf on the shelf bullshit.

I really like that approach.

I love seeing friend's dc's achievements on the whole.

Although there is a mixture:

1. The one that posts every single tiny thing from the fact the French teacher sent an email saying her year 9 class worked well today on the week of the year the local secondary has a "teachers send a positive note" week through extracts from reports (they do need a code to tell them what teachers really mean!) through to the selected to play for England...
2. The ones who post what they think are big achievements, because they haven't reached the cynicism you get after your first child has left reception. Like posting the "golden award! photo with hugely gushing words, clearly not realising every child (should) get one over the course of the year. Oh and that "your child has been selected to be in a book" one, where every child has, although I haven't seen that for a while.
3. The ones who do it clearly as a memory for them. So you'll get photo of fist day of the year, photo of their golden award, photo of the sandcastle they built at the beach, photo before their ballet show etc. All with a factual statement so when it comes up in their memories they can know when/where/why.
4. The ones who just post big achievements with all details.
5. The ones who do anything except academic (normally ones who do spectacularly brilliantly academically, which is a bit sad)

The only one that gets to slight irritation occasionally is 1. It does mean with no 1s if they don't post then you wonder how badly they've done. The main no 1 on my list didn't post her dc's A-level/GCSE results this year (although we did have the number of crabs they caught on holiday, along with certificate a week later), and so I assume they didn't do as well as they wanted. I suppose at least it gives me warning not to mention the subject.
No 2s I love seeing, in a sort of "bless you, I remember when it felt like that" way.
I feel a bit sad when they grow out of that.
No 3 is how I use it. Love seeing people's general memory items, although mine, if I get a photo tends to be a waved hand towards the camera rather than a big grin now.
No 4 is great. Nice to hear from them from time to time, and always wonderful to see their achievements.
I've put it's quite sad for no 5 because in this country we're happy to hear sporting successes, or artistic successes, but not academic if they're good. I mean, if someone posted on MN "celebrate my dc who worked really hard and got 343321 at GCSE. They've had a bad year and I'm so proud of them, they'll get lots of responses along the lines of how brilliant, fantastic etc.
Post that your dc worked really hard with lots of difficulties over the last few years and they got 5 A*s at A levels and you'll get a few well dones, and some snide remarks about showing off.
When really no one on MN knows whether the first or the second is actually the greater achievement/effort for the child involved.

Same here. Very much so. I don't have children, but it never ceases to amaze me how quickly people are willing to make their children's pictures visible to the world. It's not something I would have thought to be the best idea going.

I use WhatsApp for close relationships where context is everything when sharing news.

Wider social media are much looser connections and can be hugely performative, especially with glory hunger mums.

"Well done hun" nonsense.

You learn to manage people like that for social reasons but keep them firmly at a distance.

Well that's foolish but people's personal choice I suppose.

If complete random aren't interested, I assume they just ignore.

My profile is locked down and I only have people I know or have known in real life.

What's social media for if not to share stuff like that with friends? I don't like to over share myself and make sure the settings are private but talk about a bunch of miseries some of you are! Don't look if it gets your knickers in a twist.

I know of someone who will add anyone, as she can't see the problem in random people knowing all her business. Added to which, a great many profiles seem to have so many things public, particularly photos.

From a privacy point of view : it doesn’t really matter if you send pictures through a whatsapp group with friends or share them on facebook with the same friends. Both are owned by Meta , they have your data either way.

I like to see my best friends achievements, in sports but also other activities. I like to see what they do in the weekends … If children work hard it’s good to be proud. I only post pictures where my kids are not recognizable. Just the scenery or some props…

But surely you only have people you know on social media anyway?

@roundthepound but shouldn't you already know them if you are on their social media, and if you don't then why are you? What are you getting out of being connected to them if you have no interest in them or their families. It's a bit different if it was linked in but Facebook etc is for you to share things with the people you are close to.

PS But I would celebrate publicly a child who had really struggled and wanted me to do that!

I don't really care either way. SM is the easiest way to tell a lot of people your news, so if they choose to it's up to them.

Same.

My daughter is off to university soon and I still have parents of her primary school friends/peers on FB.

She hasn't been friends with some of them since primary and wasn't ever really friends at all with some of them - they were just in the same class.

But we always share achievements - sporting, musical, academic - and we all always comment/react positively to them; congratulate them and wish them luck. Why wouldn't we? I'd consider it to be a very bitter, petty person who was actively pissed off by another parent's pride in their child. And I actually love to see it.

The second to reply said “Really good”. It seriously pissed me off! Implication being that her kid had done better than mine. And I felt I couldn’t say “well actually my DD…”.

I'm sorry, but that really is a you problem! You might have inferred that but her comment certainly didn't imply it. Maybe her kid just did better than her kid expected to... it was nothing to do with you.

My daughter got the A level results she wanted and needed for the degree course she wanted to do. Why would I care if someone else's child got higher grades than her?

Parents who do this come across as ego driven saddos. Once knowing them better it confirms that view.

Just wondering how people generally perceive social media posts or messages from people who post about their kids?

I judge people more on the size of their friends list than I do the content. I've got more time for someone who goes OTT but only has 20 friends than I have for someone sharing every detail of their lives with hundreds of "friends".

I was brought up to believe that you share your achievements in a close circle only, with people who are 100% sure to be delighted for you. When accomplishments are significant, others will share them for you.

That’s a much more effective principle and I think it has served my family well