AIBU to wonder if it’s the done thing when people share their kids ‘big’ achievements online?

If it’s entirely for your benefit why is it on social media - why not start a scrap book you can show grandparents?

or why not have a WhatsApp group with immediate family. That’s what is done in our family. Grandparents and aunt (me). No one else.

at least be honest - posting on the internet is for wider reach.

I left Facebook years ago. Around the time #blessed and #proudmama became popular. It was uncomfortable.

’My posting about their achievements does not given them any SM presence’

that seems naive. Even with private settings and small numbers of ‘followers’.

Disagree entirely. Parents shouting from the rooftops about their children's experiences and achievements at the expense of someone else. All so smug and competing.
I recall people at work enquiring about their children's results and comparing with theirs. Crass and insensitive

But it doesn’t bother me in that sense. I don’t walk around thinking about it afterwards but I don’t think it’s right that you are outing another person’s life like that, even if it’s your child. The child doesn’t gain anything from their mum’s colleague writing well done for getting 9/10 on their spelling test, the only one who gets gratification is the mum. I am very glad SM wasn’t around when I was a kid and I know my now grown kids don’t want to appear on social media at all. Not even their own. They have all seen the downsides of it.

I post milestones and achievements on FB. My kids have competed internationally at events and its nice to look back at these memories, entirely for my benefit, same with holiday photos. My FB friends are close friends and family only and if anyone unfriended me I wouldn't lose sleep over it.

And insensitive

I think it's smug and boastful. Letting the whole world know about your children's achievements. What about those who do less well? All seems very competitive and not insensitive. I know parents who were disappointed that their child didn't get an A*.
How does that make the child feel?
It's a big NO on all counts for me.
FYI, I don't do social media and never will, too many negatives

For example, my son won his first player of the match award last night. Damn right I put it on Facebook because I was SO proud of him. I'm not boasting. I'm on social media to be social...I'd tell my friends if I saw them irl, so why wouldn't I share it with my friends that live a long way away?

I love seeing all those little snippets of my friends lives and their kids. We don't get to see each other in person but seeing how their kids are getting on and how they're all doing is the primary reason I'm on social media.

Our school does this in a weekly newsletter as well. I get parents wanting to tell everyone if their child has been chosen to represent the British Judo Team but when a parent says their child’s rabbit has come third in the local pet show it seems a little cringey.

I post about my child's achievements, whether it's sports, academic or other. I'm super proud of them.

My family are spread all over and like to see it, and my friends all say they enjoy seeing it, the same as I love seeing their children's achievements.

But otherwise you’re just seeking validation and trying to impress everyone or trying to make others feel small. There really is no other reason for sharing it with hundreds of social media ‘ friends ’.

It's literally never occurred to me to think that someone posting about their child's achievements means they're trying to make others feel small or impress anyone. Sirely they're just excited and proud?.

How could it possibly make someone else feel small unless they were already feeling inadequate or insecure? In which case, that's more on them.

Maybe the answer really.does lie in not having hundreds of strangers on your SM.and calling them friends...

People who have people on SM that they don't already know well are the "saddos".

I agree. I don't name my children and the only people who can see my posts already know who they are. I never tag anyone. My posting about their achievements does not given them any SM presence.

I think a lot of the issue is people who 'friend' everyone and anyone and accepts requests from the same!

This!

I like seeing my friends' children's achievements! I don't like full reports and I never share the academic achievements , not sure why but that feels more braggy - maybe because everyone's children are going through the academics and not everyone's are interested in the same extra curriculars!

I think people forget that if your privacy settings are tight on FB that a post is as private as sharing via what apps groups.

For me I'd rather do I post than 8 different what's app groups. The same people see the info and want the info.

Depends what you mean by social media. Sharing with your own network is perfectly acceptable - just like you’d mention to your network in person something you were proud of. It’s like, would you have put it in your Christmas letter? Or something you’d mention catching up with the person in person?

I’d expect both the way you post and what for to vary with the age of the child. It’s weird if you’re posting that your 40 year old child got good feedback on their work report, not word to mention they won a major career award. If your child is 4 then mentioning the good report is fine.

But the " kids" that apparently people are " boasting" about are including thos who are doing degrees and passing driving tests so it's likely they will have SM prence

Mind you I would've possibly posted if ZDS had done a good job of cleaning his room. That would've definitely been a major achievement for him lol

Privacy is so hard to come by for young people with ever present cameras and tagging that NOT being known by SM is a huge gift. Why do we think young people are anxious?
But don't you have to give permission to 'tag' also why be friends in life or sm with people who you think would be nasty to you?
I think a lot of the issue is people who 'friend' everyone and anyone and accepts requests from the same!

I think this is more about how you see and use social media. I see social media as a tool to stay updated in the lives of people of like without it having to be personally directed to me. So, I really enjoy seeing all the little and big moments of my friends and their children’s lives. I couldn’t imagine getting negative feelings because someone I like because they posted a photo about how well little Tommy did at sports day or whatever. In fact I think ‘wow that’s cool he must be a speedy little lad’. Or a friend whose 3 yr old can write her own name, I literally just think ‘what a little superstar’. Why do people judge their friends for such minor things? Or if they’re not friends why are you following their lives?

I don’t post about achievements and find it really cringe when others do… especially those who list exam grades or headteacher awards or stars of the week/ year or talk about how totally amazing their DC are (I have one friend who does this all the time, her children seem to win every school and sport award going). For me it only ever comes across as smug and boastful.

There is an exception though, and that’s for kids who’ve come through adversity to achieve something meaningful eg SEN or chaotic home lives or bereavement… those things I think are worth sharing.

But otherwise you’re just seeking validation and trying to impress everyone or trying to make others feel small. There really is no other reason for sharing it with hundreds of social media ‘ friends ’.

My DD1 (20) recently thanked me for not posting about her on SM. Privacy is so hard to come by for young people with ever present cameras and tagging that NOT being known by SM is a huge gift. Why do we think young people are anxious?

'Celebrating ' your DC achievements on SM is just bragging and you need to look hard at your own motivation (insecurity? A status thing? Lack of personal connections with whome to share? Absence of your own interests and achievements? Sorry I can'tactually think of any positive motivations). Sharing with people who are personally invested is completely different and no, SM is not the format for that.

It's like couples who post about each other gushingly on SM. Seem to correlate quite closely with relationships in trouble.

I made my choice not to read other's brags and insecurities by leaving SM. My life (and my DDs', who have led by example in this) is much better for it.

This .

I don't have anyone on there is dislike or who irritates me. What would be the point in that?

I guess one reason why I'm so unbothered (negatively at least) is because I actually have very few people on my SM and I actively like 99% of them (the rest are family) so I am curious about what's going on their lives/kids' lives and happy to celebrate with them.

I love seeing posts about my friends' children's achievements, big or small. If I lived closer I'm sure I'd hear about those achievements in person but I moved abroad years ago so social media is my insight into their lives and the chance to celebrate.
And I share my children's achievements too. I mean I don't post pictures of school reports but I'll say they did well, and when my DD won a stipend for best grade average I definitely shared that because it was a big deal, she worked really hard for it. But this is only on facebook, with my friends and family, not on public social media like instagram.

I posted a graduation photograph of my dd-without the class she got-because lots of people were aware of the difficulties she had gone through and had been very kind.