AIBU to wonder if it’s the done thing when people share their kids ‘big’ achievements online?

It's not boasting it's a proud parent celebrating. Normally after months of hard work its nice to see some recognition. Part and parcel of social media. I like to see the positive posts, there's enough depressing news reports.

@itsgettingweird I think social media has a lot to do with children’s anxiety - I doubt it is caused by parents not boasting about them😂

l manage a lot of graduates and I would say they suffered form over praise and never being criticised or corrected.

I have men and women in their twenties expecting high praise for the most basic of tasks. Saying they don’t like how they are being spoken to if they are gently corrected. The tears and tantrums from some of these young adults if you tell them they aren’t yet performing at a standard that would justify promotion.

I don’t think parents are doing this generation any favours at all. Many are used to being highly celebrated for pretty routine achievements and struggle when they are in more competitive environments.

My point exactly, so competitive and unfair on those who haven't achieved what they needed to go to their first choice of wherever. Upsetting for kids too

Life's too short to keep quiet sometimes

Absolutely. Someone wise once said to me "someone's eulogy is not the time to celebrate all that they were if that information is a shock to those friends and family gathered there".

(Paraphrased)

It really stuck with me that you should celebrate the living for everything they do so they know how much they are valued for anything contribution or achievement.

Exactly!
Academic children aren't less deserving of praise. My parents were so worried about those struggling that they never expressed pride in our work.
Others my find it easier to form relationships, have children, and reach other kinds of milestones that get celebrated very publicly. If your highlight in life was 4 A* and a scholarship to Oxford but you weren't celebrated because x next door was struggling with their GCSEs, but x next door then goes on to have a massive beautiful wedding and 5 gorgeous children at a young age when you stay single ... it's not fair either.

Life's too short to keep quiet sometimes.

I don't post anything any of my daughter's stuff, but I sometimes enjoy seeing some of the congratulatory posts. Make my heart smile.

@GreyCarpet I guess I'm feeling very sensitive about all the achievement posts as my DD is in the depths of despair with mental health problems and I can't see where it's all going to end. I just want to scream. It's wonderful that you're able to celebrate your DDs achievements. I'm genuinely happy for you.

Without ds consent 🤦‍♀️

I never post anything with ds consent. But he's already given consent for anything he does in sport to be posted so that ship has already sailed to a MUCH wider audience than our family and my close friends 😂

Reading this I remembered all my year’s actual gcse grades were published in the local paper - each name and the breakdown of grades 😯 I imagine this no longer happens!

Fair enough. But I don't ever post anything without my daughter's express consent and never in a way that would embarrass her. She'd soon tell me if I did!

@JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn Thanks x I think I'm a bit sensitive atm tbf.
The thing is, we are ALL proud of our kids, but the playing field is never level. Some of us aren't able to have kids. Some people's children meet with awful accidents or die. Some children have disabilities. Should that mean you shouldn't post about your kids good news? No of course not. But I think in the old days you'd just tell close friends & family. SM is hard to get away from - it's everywhere. I use FB, but I don't post about my kids on it (as they don't want me to). Most friends do though.

I think it depends on who and why they are posting. 2 examples no 1 A DS of a friend has overcome major health and disabilities to become a professional in a field that a disability could prevent access to. He went to local academy ( our old comp)I love reading his mother's posts. He is inspirational.
no 2, the DD of 2 highly paid professionals, with DDs at expensive private schools posting 1st day at St Trinians, and how she will continue to shine...well, yes, she has every privilege. I roll my eyes.

Well said Grey I'm really pleased your DD survived a traumatic birth and you've had a whole childhood to celebrate her. You shout it from the rooftops.

I never do and I’m not being smug on here but my DC was Head Girl, As in all exams, tonnes of prizes for sports, it would get very boastful, I guess I see it as her achievement not mine. My other child is not like this so we have to celebrate but also keep a balance so my youngest doesn’t feel insecure - we celebrate their wins too even though the school might not,

Maybe some of those parents never expected their children to reach those milestone either. Have you considered that?

I nearly lost my daughter. She was born prematurely to save her life and was diagnosed early with hearing loss and sight problems.

Even after 18 years, I'm still overwhelmed every single day that I have a daughter to celebrate at all.

So, yes, I will celebrate her and every other child's/young person's achievements regardless of what they are.

All children should be celebrated.

A Level results day was crap for both my DC, neither of whom got the grades they needed for their first choice Uni.
so I didn’t particularly relish the posts from other Mums congratulating Tarquin & Matilda on their brilliant success and how they’ll be heading off to Oxbridge in the Autumn.
although of course I am pleased for Tarquin & Matilda, who are lovely kids.

Why do you assume the people posting don't also have kids who struggle in one way or another?

Exactly. I've posted my ds acheivements.

They are achievements because at 11yo he wanted to end his life due to bullying and anxiety and then was diagnosed with a degenerative neuromuscular condition.

I'll be buggered if I'm not going to shout from the rooftops when he achieves something.

He's overcome a lot. I'm proud of him. He should be proud of himself.

And others can choose to be proud or just scroll on by.

Braggy. I really dislike it.

Why do you assume the people posting don't also have kids who struggle in one way or another?

I don't mind posts when the children are small, but I do think the posts about secondary school children are unnecessary. So many children really struggle at secondary school so it just feels really insensitive
I have seen posts by parents whose children are really struggling with school for many different reasons. This is why I'm happy when these parent's post something that they are proud their child has done.

@isthereaway wishing your DS well. I hope he's in good heath soon and able to go to uni next year as planned. I'm so sorry you've had to suffer tone deaf bragging parents at what must have been an incredibly stressful time.

My dc are those just hanging in there. They maybe be older but just chronologically. After years of battles for support damn right I'm posting the big achievements.

This

Some things might not seem like huge achievements either but you might not know what the circumstances are. You can't judge.

I love to hear the positivity.

I don't mind posts when the children are small, but I do think the posts about secondary school children are unnecessary. So many children really struggle at secondary school so it just feels really insensitive.

It's all very well saying 'it's a milestone' but what about those who just aren't hitting those milestones? It's just another slap in the face for those children and their families who are sometimes already hanging by their fingers tips.