AIBU to wonder if it’s the done thing when people share their kids ‘big’ achievements online?

That says more about your friendship group.

I'm as proud for my friends of their kids getting 8 and 9's at GCSEs and As at a level (ds was never going to however hard he worked) as they are for him when he represents the country in his sport.

People are unique. Celebrate their personal successes. But don't compare.

Comparison is the thief of joy.

One of the busiest responses I've seen to a SM post lately was my friend showing her 10yo with CP taking 5 steps independently.

We were all so proud. I'm glad she shared and I'm glad I got to share my pride of what her DD has achieved.

I don't know the exam results of any of my friend's kids or my kid's friends - it is totally not the done thing to mention it beyond they got enough to get them through to the next stage.
Sil posted about her ds starting a new job - and there was general agreement amongst the cousins that the post was unneeded and a bit cringe - times have indeed changed and it's driven by the new generation.

I’d be mortified and feel like people might think she was bragging and that people would be rolling their eyes. I just find it a strange thing to do. I do a sport but she never posts when I achieve something, thank goodness. In fairness, my mum doesn’t post anything other than share an occasional link about something.
A friend does the same sport and her mum posts constantly with her results and achievements in it and honestly, I cringe a bit. It feels like ‘look how amazing my adult daughter is’.

It’s just how I was brought up I suppose. Achievements are great, but no-one outside of immediate family really cares do they?

@Morningcrows They are basically saying, look what great children I have produced.
That is precisely what we are saying. Why shouldn’t we?

turning your peers into potential competitive green eyed monsters
That sounds more like a “them” problem.

feel sad that their offspring are not as successful.
Every child has something to be celebrated for. If a parent can’t see their own child’s successes through all the green blocking their vision, that’s something they need to deal with.

I see it as odious and really insensitive. And the people who do it lack social awareness. They are basically saying, look what great children I have produced. It is very navel-gazing.

The only thing it really achieves is turning your peers into potential competitive green eyed monsters or making them feel sad that their offspring are not as successful.

That’s weird, must be to do with people’s settings.

I think 10 plus years ago it use to be much more common but I'd say most of my friends and family are all posting significantly less and definitely not about kids achievement unless it's really out there.

I've a friend whose son is progressing quite high up in his specific sport, and sponsored by companies. The posts are very much aimed at thanking them for the support and I've no problem with that, effectively the publicity is why they get sponsored.

I’ve never done this. The people who are important in the children’s lives will know, and that’s all that’s needed.

I don’t but somehow I see other people I know commenting on her links. It is weird as she may be doing it on a daily basis but occasionally someone I know from years back will comment and I will see it. It reminds me not to believe what you see online. It doesn’t annoy me - more I pity her child who is not being brought up with the right direction from parents and how damaging parents can be.

Why do you have this woman on your social media?

I dislike it preferring to keep my child’s info private. I also dislike it as it is so biased.
My son was tormented by a child in his class for about 12-16 months and with our support he got through it without having to stoop to the child’s level. Other child’s parents thought their son could do not wrong.
I regularly see posts about how wonderful this child is from his mother blah blah blah blah blah knowing that in a class of 13 boys this child went from friends with all of them to only 2 due to his poor mean behaviour. Yet online his mother paints a picture of him being marvellous. It just reiterates to me the falseness of these things.

I have a very closed Facebook to people I see, and post my daughters dance competition results. Half my friends are from dance and are on there doing the same. Not every comp but big ones / big results.

It may come across as boastful to some but I think maybe being so surrounded by it and people who do it, and most of my Facebook being family and dancers, I'm in a bubble where it is normal and actually expected. I have been asked where the post comp post is before when I haven't done it.

I agree. I think it's fine to say you're very proud of your child's efforts. That could apply to any child whatever their grades. But very naff to list their actual performance. Not only does it sound like boasting but it also could make other people feel bad in comparison.

Sorry for the brief why. Yes, I meant why would you be embarrassed if your mum posted .

I don't do it myself, but I find the parental boasting quite endearing, especially when it's something mediocre. Coming third in the sack race is the kind of boast I like. Or a child dressed up for prom and they're no great looker, but you can see that through their mother's eyes, they're beautiful. And every child should be seen through that proud gaze at some point.

Yep- I only have people I actually know well and like on social media, so if Molly has passed grade 1 piano I like hearing about it, because I care about Molly and how she is getting on.

Saying that I don’t put pictures of mine on SM, and I’m a SEND/disability home ed mum so no school report, exam results etc posts.

I do post things like little Jimmy tried a new thing today, or got his next karate belt… I figure if his dad/granny/aunties/friends/god parents don’t want to see these posts they can mute/un follow/un friend me!

Which part is the why referring to?
I’m not being rude, I genuinely want to answer your question but I don’t know which bit you want me to expand on. The bit about my embarrassment if my mum posted or the first bit?

Why?

Another thing I hate is the performative “I’m so proud of you Jimmy, you are such a kind little boy who is smashing school and we love you so much” when Jimmy isn’t going to read it because he is 4 years old.
It just seems so twee and false. Why address the kid who won’t read it? Why not “Proud of our Jimmy for his kindness in school… etc”

But honestly, if I ever found out my mum had posted a status about how proud she was of me, I’d have died a thousand deaths of sheer embarrassment!

Over praise is different though.

I know many parents of children uni age (as is my ds) who wouldn't hold their children to account for their behaviour. And yes it has an effect.

But praise for actual achievements isn't a problem. And not praising a child for actual achievements is a problem.

It's a fine balance - I agree. But I think never allowing a child to feel proud of themselves or being to share their successes with people takes away some self esteem.

And I think it's not like people don't notice is someone has won a race, or they don't know the child is awarded man of the match, or it's a secret if they gone to Oxford uni they have great a levels.

Some people have a huge family and a wide circle of friends. Also fb is passive you have to go and look for it, whereas WhatsApp is more accurate as you're pushing the info

Most people follow their friends and family who they actually like so are happy to see their achievements. I think unless someone is particularly braggy and OTT it says much more about the people who don't like seeing it. Most of my neices and nephews live in a different city so it's nice to be able to keep up with what's happening and by the same token with friends.

They may be routine achievements to you....to the family involved it may have been overcoming an almost insurmountable obstacle. You simply can't judge unless you walk in their shoes.

I'd be shouting it from the rooftops too in your circumstances. You have every reason to be proud.

It's sad and tbh ignorant that people begrudge/mock others when they know nothing of their situation.

I find it so bizarre that it's a thing in the UK to keep academic success quiet. There was a ridiculous thread recently, where some people believed that people who had achieved a Doctorate were all sorts of horrid things, simply for using the title they had earned.

People shouldn't have to censor their own social media posts in case someone else is upset that Little Johnny didn't get into Oxford. That's life.

It's also very strange to me how sporting achievements are perfectly acceptable to be celebrated. Personally, I value intelligence more than the ability to put one foot in front of the other, or whack a ball with a foot.