AIBU to wonder if it’s the done thing when people share their kids ‘big’ achievements online?

tricerotopsrule · 2024-09-07T07:20:46+00:00

Just wondering how people generally perceive social media posts or messages from people who post about their kids? Eg, big sports achievements, great exam results, getting a new job, passing a driving test, anything where they did really well really. Some things seem to come across as more acceptable than others eg it seems somehow more acceptable to post about sports achievements but not with exam results. Eg I barely saw any posts about school kids exam results even though I know loads of friends whose kids did well. But I often see football and gymnastics posts etc where competitions have been won etc. Just wondering how people generally perceive these posts- being a very proud parent or would you see it as being boastful / smug / insensitive?

newnamehereonceagain · 23/08/2025 18:34

Unhelpful imo to start children off thinking that validation comes from ‘likes’ as opposed to the hard won achievement (at whatever level that might be).
Also it’s divisive and insensitive for those who might be disappointed. I don’t think posting is a good idea.

FHNow · 09/09/2024 04:43

Nobody I know does this kind of bragging really. If we hear of successes via the kids, we text the parents. We let immediate family know unprompted as they will want to know.

OP I don’t know what dux is but the highest in the year sounds fabulous! But that achievement is just as good even if just you and him know it. The school is proud and so are you. That’s enough. Maybe after the Twitter announcement, parents will congratulate you too?

My parents used to brag about us. In person, before social media. The kids of their friends resented us due to comparisons made by their parents. I absolutely hated my mum bragging about me. It made me cringe so much. Don’t do it.

GivingitToGod · 08/09/2024 22:48

DinosaurMunch · 08/09/2024 18:25

You are right to be proud and it's a fantastic achievement. Does he have grandparents, aunt, uncles? They are the people who will want to celebrate too. And he will get recognition from teachers and school friends.

But as for sharing it further, ask yourself what you're hoping to achieve. Chances are most of your wider circle won't be that interested and a proportion will think you're boasting. It might generate some likes. But what's the point? You should not need external validation to be proud of your son. He knows he did it and that's all that matters really

Show quote history

Spot on

PassingStranger · 08/09/2024 22:43

Createausername1970 · 07/09/2024 08:39

I don't think it's appropriate to post stuff about other people. If they want their information on sm they can post it themselves.

A school mum used to post everything about her child - school reports, achievements, days out - and it has caused a rift between them. Child (adult now) says they might as well have been on the Truman Show.

This is just what I posted earlier.

I've seen pics tonight of someone's kids in the bath. It's just going too far and feel sorry for the children.

bumsnetto · 08/09/2024 21:01

Don't agree. If they want to share it's ok. My little boy managed to walk today for the first time, around 1kilometre, with reins on. He's not managed more than around 10 metres until now. He's 16 months old. I'm ridiculously proud of him

Lookingfornewdirection · 08/09/2024 20:51

Commonsense22 · 07/09/2024 08:28

When I was younger my parents were so afraid of boasting they never spoke about our achievements. Later in life they'd call after we'd achieved something asking us not to share of SM for fear of us being seen as boastful.
When the time comes, on social media or not I will publicly celebrate my children's achievements. Every child deserves to have their achievements celebrated and made a fuss of. Including the high achievers.

Sure, but achievements don’t need to be celebrated by posting them on Facebook or instagram. Surely there are other ways.

Original poster

tricerotopsrule · 08/09/2024 20:45

I've been wondering why I've thought about sharing it online and when people here asked if there's grandparents and aunts / uncles to share it with maybe that's where a large part of the issue comes from. All 4 of DS's grandparents have died in the past few years and they would've been SO proud of him. So maybe I'm missing someone other than just me and DH being mega proud of him.

DH is an only child and I don't have a close relationship at all with my siblings (never see them anymore and they don't have any relationship with DS) so I wouldn't even think of telling them.

OP posts:

coxesorangepippin · 08/09/2024 20:39

Mate always posts about her kids: Brazilian jujutsu, piano lessons, botanical information sessions etc etc

It's all just so attention seeking

cherish123 · 08/09/2024 20:38

HeyPrestoAlakazam · 07/09/2024 08:24

I see it as boastful/attention seeking/all for the likes and comments.

You can be proud of your child without plastering them all over social media.

(Dons hard hat)

Edited

Exactly

Commonsense22 · 08/09/2024 19:55

I think those saying that GCSEs and A levels are not the same miss the point entirely that those are the achievements of those children. They may not be good looking or popular or have a boyfriend/girlfriend or be good at sports any of those things that bring more self-confidence and popularity and often happiness than 4A*.

It's probably a problem I'll never have as my little one is amazing and ever so different to me and I'm actually really grateful she's not so academic because being academic is, and this thread confirms it, more of a curse than a blessing and something incredibly isolating that makes your life inherently socially unacceptable to discuss until you reach university.

LadeOde · 08/09/2024 18:37

@NetZeroZealot Genuinely curious, why is it acceptable to boast about excellent sporting achievements but not okay to boast about any academic achievements? what about those who have no sporting prowess whatsoever but shine academically, are they never to shine in anything?

DinosaurMunch · 08/09/2024 18:25

tricerotopsrule · 08/09/2024 10:48

Thanks everyone for the comments, I didn't expect so many!! Lots of food for thought and I can totally see both sides.

For context (and I think I didn't post the details before out of fear of being seen as 'braggy' even though I'm immensely proud of my DS.) He has just found out he's won the Dux award at school for the highest in senior school, he put so much work into studying, he's at a state school and he did it all himself, no tutors and didn't even want us to help him study. He consistently studied well over months and he's over the moon and amazed he got the Dux. The school will post it on Twitter at the Prize Giving and I wondered about sharing that post, but then wondered how this might be perceived.

I am quite sad that beaming with pride for your child and sharing this pride is such a no no in some peoples eyes though. Especially for academic work. It's almost like it should be hidden and shouldn't be celebrated. We are obv celebrating at home but I've told no other parents and no parents have contacted me (I assume they probably know from their own kids, DS's pals). I can see that getting achievements might make others feel they've not achieved the same but also it's a real shame we then tip toe around great achievements in case we upset anyone too.

I'll have a think and obv ask DS too as he may not want me to post about it but I was genuinely curious as to how things like this are perceived. I'd be interested to hear any more comments now that I've given some context too.

Thank you all!

You are right to be proud and it's a fantastic achievement. Does he have grandparents, aunt, uncles? They are the people who will want to celebrate too. And he will get recognition from teachers and school friends.

But as for sharing it further, ask yourself what you're hoping to achieve. Chances are most of your wider circle won't be that interested and a proportion will think you're boasting. It might generate some likes. But what's the point? You should not need external validation to be proud of your son. He knows he did it and that's all that matters really

GivingitToGod · 08/09/2024 18:22

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 07/09/2024 19:01

I don't mind posts when the children are small, but I do think the posts about secondary school children are unnecessary. So many children really struggle at secondary school so it just feels really insensitive.

It's all very well saying 'it's a milestone' but what about those who just aren't hitting those milestones? It's just another slap in the face for those children and their families who are sometimes already hanging by their fingers tips.

Brilliant summary of exactly how I feel too, thanks

DinosaurMunch · 08/09/2024 18:14

Commonsense22 · 07/09/2024 08:28

When I was younger my parents were so afraid of boasting they never spoke about our achievements. Later in life they'd call after we'd achieved something asking us not to share of SM for fear of us being seen as boastful.
When the time comes, on social media or not I will publicly celebrate my children's achievements. Every child deserves to have their achievements celebrated and made a fuss of. Including the high achievers.

Young children aren't on Facebook so won't even know. All you are doing is sharing their information without their consent to get attention for yourself.

If you want to celebrate their achievements celebrate with your child! And close family and friends. No one else cares anyway

itsgettingweird · 08/09/2024 18:11

tricerotopsrule · 08/09/2024 10:48

Thanks everyone for the comments, I didn't expect so many!! Lots of food for thought and I can totally see both sides.

For context (and I think I didn't post the details before out of fear of being seen as 'braggy' even though I'm immensely proud of my DS.) He has just found out he's won the Dux award at school for the highest in senior school, he put so much work into studying, he's at a state school and he did it all himself, no tutors and didn't even want us to help him study. He consistently studied well over months and he's over the moon and amazed he got the Dux. The school will post it on Twitter at the Prize Giving and I wondered about sharing that post, but then wondered how this might be perceived.

I am quite sad that beaming with pride for your child and sharing this pride is such a no no in some peoples eyes though. Especially for academic work. It's almost like it should be hidden and shouldn't be celebrated. We are obv celebrating at home but I've told no other parents and no parents have contacted me (I assume they probably know from their own kids, DS's pals). I can see that getting achievements might make others feel they've not achieved the same but also it's a real shame we then tip toe around great achievements in case we upset anyone too.

I'll have a think and obv ask DS too as he may not want me to post about it but I was genuinely curious as to how things like this are perceived. I'd be interested to hear any more comments now that I've given some context too.

Thank you all!

Share the post!!!

I've shared many posts by his swim club and British swimming where he features.

Your own personal post is only sharing closely a post that's been posted to a massive wider audience.

Well done your DS - he should be proud of his achievement

7isthemagicnumber · 08/09/2024 16:30

UnsocialBat · 08/09/2024 15:01

Your 2nd paragraph sums it up really well. I think the importance placed on school results adds to this too. The same importance isn't widely placed on sport / music / drama / etc so there's less "shame" associated with not doing well at those. (Shame maybe isn't the right word and I don't for a second believe someone should feel ashamed for not doing well in exams!)

Show quote history

Lots of shame can be felt on sports day if you have been forced to enter an event - someone has to come last. Not only that but the whole school and parents watch you come last - horrible!

UnsocialBat · 08/09/2024 15:01

BarbaraHoward · 07/09/2024 08:37

I don't mind hearing about achievements, some are better than others at hitting the right tone and coming across as proud rather than boastful! I also have one that posts her DD's report which is incredibly cringe and I'll never look away.

I do think posting about GCSE or A Level results is a little different. One thing to say you're proud but quite another to boast and state the straight As. Everyone has to go to school whether they struggle or not, and results day isn't happy for everyone. Different to posting about a gymnastics competition - the ones who are shit at gymnastics just don't do gymnastics! Whereas the ones who struggle with school still have to go five days a week.

Edited

Your 2nd paragraph sums it up really well. I think the importance placed on school results adds to this too. The same importance isn't widely placed on sport / music / drama / etc so there's less "shame" associated with not doing well at those. (Shame maybe isn't the right word and I don't for a second believe someone should feel ashamed for not doing well in exams!)

RoachFish · 08/09/2024 14:50

I think "he did it all himself, no tutors and didn't even want us to help him study " and "no parents have contacted me" I think the first quote explains the second one. He has achieved this all by himself, why do you want other parents to contact you with congratulations when you haven't done the work? This is the point of why it makes no sense to "celebrate" him on your SM, it's only because you want attention because of your son's achievement.

HeyPrestoAlakazam · 08/09/2024 14:32

I've told no other parents and no parents have contacted me (I assume they probably know from their own kids, DS's pals).

Well firstly congratulations to your son, for his achievement, he's done very well and it's understandable that as his parent you feel proud.

I'm sorry though, but your above statement is strange. It would be rare for parents to get in contact to congratulate...it's just not the done thing.

I did exceptionally well as a young person (national achievements, several offers of international full scholarships on programmes that only accepted 10-15 students worldwide, becoming a "champion" in my field). My parents, immediate family and closest friends made a little fuss but other than that friends' parents, acquaintances etc would only say "oh by the way, I saw the story in the paper about you, well done" in passing at the most. No one went out of their way to get in contact and that was perfectly normal. The achievements themselves were good news enough, I didn't need or want any more recognition than that and, if I'm honest, found any extra fuss embarrassing. I hated being in the newspaper (but school/hobbies saw it as good publicity for them) and am relieved that social media wasn't as prolific back then as it is now.

People don't get in contact generally when students are made Head Boy/Girl, get Oxbridge/Ivy League Offers or a place on the National Rugby team...it's nothing to do with jealousy or "bitterness" or "feeling bad about their own/child's achievements " as other people have suggested on this thread...it's just simply not a big deal in their own lives. Sort of like a colleague's wedding anniversary or a niece/nephew's baptism, nice but people have a lot on and wouldn't think to make an effort to get in touch to make a fuss. They presume the parents and immediate loved ones are celebrating and, ordinarily, that would be enough for the vast majority of people.

Bellyblueboy · 08/09/2024 14:12

I have just seen you are surprised no parents have contacted you. I think this is an example of something being huge for you and only mildly interesting to others.

it’s a great achievement - it’s a school prize. You should be proud - but I don’t think it’s on a level that people would be contacting you (aside from proud grandparents).

my niece’s friend just got a scholarship to an Ivy League university in America. It’s great for her - I work with her dad. There has been nothing on the internet - and if I bump into him I will say congratulations.

I think you have gotten carried away with your own pride. Which is lovely. But most people won’t have even heard of a dux.

Singleandproud · 08/09/2024 13:51

@tricerotopsrule By all means share the news, anyone that is not happy for him shouldn't be on your social media anyway so if they remove themselves good riddance, people you share things with should be happy for you so I wouldn't worry about upsetting anyone.

Bellyblueboy · 08/09/2024 10:54

Op be proud, tell his grandparents, tell his aunts and uncles. Take him out, congratulate him.

but don’t put it on the internet. Why do you need that validation? Why will your son only know you are proud of him if you post it on the internet.

to be honest no one else really cares about this in the way you and your immediate family do. They will smile and say nice job. But it’s really only a big thing to the people who love him. They will be as proud as punch. The general public, people who know you but not your son, his friends parents etc etc don’t need to be part of this

Original poster

tricerotopsrule · 08/09/2024 10:48

Thanks everyone for the comments, I didn't expect so many!! Lots of food for thought and I can totally see both sides.

For context (and I think I didn't post the details before out of fear of being seen as 'braggy' even though I'm immensely proud of my DS.) He has just found out he's won the Dux award at school for the highest in senior school, he put so much work into studying, he's at a state school and he did it all himself, no tutors and didn't even want us to help him study. He consistently studied well over months and he's over the moon and amazed he got the Dux. The school will post it on Twitter at the Prize Giving and I wondered about sharing that post, but then wondered how this might be perceived.

I am quite sad that beaming with pride for your child and sharing this pride is such a no no in some peoples eyes though. Especially for academic work. It's almost like it should be hidden and shouldn't be celebrated. We are obv celebrating at home but I've told no other parents and no parents have contacted me (I assume they probably know from their own kids, DS's pals). I can see that getting achievements might make others feel they've not achieved the same but also it's a real shame we then tip toe around great achievements in case we upset anyone too.

I'll have a think and obv ask DS too as he may not want me to post about it but I was genuinely curious as to how things like this are perceived. I'd be interested to hear any more comments now that I've given some context too.

Thank you all!

OP posts:

Elseaknows · 08/09/2024 10:15

I used to be one of those parents because we live far away from two sets of grandparents. Then my teenage DD asked if I could stop as she was embarrassed (asked if she could be removed on all SM). I agreed. Then her brother (DS) a few months later asked the same thing.
I still send photos to their grandparents but keep everything off SM as they've asked (and inform family members of the same thing now). My 14 Yr old had to talk to her Grandma about consent and social media as every time she would come to our house she would take photos (some while DD was mid eating) and post them online to show her followers how involved she is with her grandchildren. She would then get huffy if we asked them to be removed.

I also stupidly didn't realise having my DD achievements online was making some of the other parents feel like shit until I was in a parent forum at the school when one mum said "well you have nothing to worry about, your kid is doing fine with all her grades". It was presenting her in a way that made people presume she was some stellar student and she was under a lot of pressure. I didn't want that for her (or those parents). My son was also being compared to his sister ("oh I see he hasn't scored as well as L has, that's a shame").

Definitely not worth it.

itsgettingweird · 08/09/2024 10:14

7isthemagicnumber · 08/09/2024 10:10

I don't know the exam results of any of my friend's kids or my kid's friends - it is totally not the done thing to mention it beyond they got enough to get them through to the next stage.
Sil posted about her ds starting a new job - and there was general agreement amongst the cousins that the post was unneeded and a bit cringe - times have indeed changed and it's driven by the new generation.

Yes generally I ask "did they get the college course/ uni they wanted".

Most people don't share actual results but they'll share they did well and got X place they wanted.

Some people will volunteer the grades face to face but I'd never ask. But I don't mind if people post the results. I like when people celebrate what they've achieved.

I find it so sad so many see achievements as bragging.