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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Did women used to enjoy being catcalled?

669 replies

Gofastboatsmojito · 07/09/2024 08:18

Hi,

Filtering a recent discussion with my stepmum I just wanted to survey the 55+ year olds of mumsnet to check whether I'm way off.

She is absolutely insistent that in her youth women (most? all?) enjoyed being whistled or shouted appreciatively at when waking past a building site.

She thinks women's perception of this has changed in the last 20 years. All her friends enjoyed it in the 70s and 80s apparently.

For context she has been the subject of male violence including sexual violence and does not equate the two.

I find it hard to believe everyone enjoyed it and assume that women felt a lot less able to say they didn't like it due to fear of being called frigid, uptight etc.

I'm sure the answer might lie somewhere between the two extremes but just wondering what an AIBU poll might say.

V grateful if women of age 55+ only vote

YABU = in my youth the majority of women I knew considered a wolf whistle as a cheeky but welcome compliment

YANBU = I didn't enjoy this even in the 70s

OP posts:
HelenWheels · 07/09/2024 08:37

i dont remember but i would have been embarrassed
i dont think it ever happened to me but it would have been flattering if embarrassing

Zeeze · 07/09/2024 08:37

Nope. I’m 61. Never met a woman who was flattered by being cat called by some creepy builder. How sad is that to get validation from an invariably ugly, overweight bloke.
I used to tell them to fuck off.

Autumnaltime · 07/09/2024 08:37

I'm 72 and I hated it.

As well as wolf whistles and crude approval it was also normal for the guys to shout stuff out that could be pretty uncomplimentary to passing women if they didn't like the look of them.
They felt entitled to judge every passing woman .

Freysimo · 07/09/2024 08:35

I absolutely hated it and as a teenager back in the 60s would walk miles out of my way to avoid building sites etc. I think it was much worse then.

TarnishedMoonstone · 07/09/2024 08:35

Wishihadanalgorithm · 07/09/2024 08:32

I’m 51. It always made me feel uncomfortable. Even today, I hate walking past builders despite the fact no one is ever going to catcall me again. Maybe it’s the (thought/knowledge?) that the men are still eyeing me up and deciding if I’m worthy?

walking past builders made me feel like I was really under the microscope. Hideous.

Me too, I still hate walking past builders, even though it must have been 20 years or more since anyone called out at me!

BeatrizBoniface · 07/09/2024 08:35

@Ilovetuesdays - sort of cross post, my experience too. Also, you're not "flattering" yourself, because the experience wasn't about flattering or complimenting you.

theDudesmummy · 07/09/2024 08:35

Im 61. My father severely damaged my confidence in my appearance and so, sadly, I would enjoy it if men paid attention, in whatever way. I played it up, really, would flirt back etc. It makes me a bit sad to think about it now.

Followtopic · 07/09/2024 08:35

I’m not over 55 but I remember my great aunt saying I’d miss it when it stopped. She heaved a great sigh of fond memory. Different times.

KimberleyClark · 07/09/2024 08:34

I don’t think I enjoyed it that much but Ido remember some women being wistful when they got older and it didn’t happen any more.

Imustgoforarun · 07/09/2024 08:34

I’m 59. Hated it. I had long blond hair and was tall. Yet I could go to a pub and not talk to any men as I have that face that says piss off. I would walk a different way to avoid building sites

BeatrizBoniface · 07/09/2024 08:33

I used to walk a long, circuitous route to the tube station to avoid a building site. It was like walking the gauntlet, the whistling and the shouting. I was just trying to get to work.

Ilovetuesdays · 07/09/2024 08:33

I absolutely hated it. I felt harassed and vulnerable, especially if i was alone.

I remember when I was in my 20s I had to pass a building site on my way to and from nursery (4 times each weekday!) and I ended up having to speak to the foreman and changing my route to a longer one as it got so bad. Please don't think I'm flattering myself, those blokes catcalled every young woman who passed by.

coolpineapple1 · 07/09/2024 08:33

Only ever happened to me as a school girl which is pretty sick really. It used to make me feel scared especially if I was on my own but I would have never admitted that at the time as it was seen by some as a compliment.
Really glad I'm old now and don't attract any attention from men whatsoever.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 07/09/2024 08:33

PattiSmithsPattis · 07/09/2024 08:22

Nope, I hated it. Especially as at age 10 I had 34b boobs and the catcalling started earlier. Trying to make yourself small is horrible and traumatic as a child.

This, it was awful and I used to walk a different route to avoid builders sites/ housing having work done. I remember is being particularly bad at approx 12/13.

Echobelly · 07/09/2024 08:33

I'm 46, I didn't mind because TBH, it didn't happen to me very often - I was (and am) flat chested and had cropped short hair throughout my teens and 20s so your average wolf whistler didn't really see me as female, thank God. But even then I could imagine that it would feel very different and unpleasant if it were happening all the time.

Sapphire387 · 07/09/2024 08:33

I remember feeling dread when approaching building sites. I'm only 38 but catcalling was 'the norm' when I was a teen / very young woman.

EnjoyingTheSilence · 07/09/2024 08:32

I also think it used to be just a whistle or a fairly innocent comment about someone looking nice so I can see why it was thought of as harmless. But at some point it changed to quite horrible and leering comments with crude and aggressive language, but we were supposed to still see it as complimentary

Pixiedust1234 · 07/09/2024 08:32

sandgrown · 07/09/2024 08:21

If I got whistled at I used to pretend to ignore it but secretly I was flattered .

This. However they used to do it to any woman so if you weren't pretty or fat or got chatted up in the normal way it made you feel good to be noticed for just one moment (not aimed at pp btw).

I'm guessing the pretty or attractive (or big busted) women felt violated.
The less pretty or mousey women felt seen. And you weren't supposed to be seen as sexy in those days as you were supposed to be demure, boring and drab, ie mother/wife.

TarnishedMoonstone · 07/09/2024 08:32

I’m 59 and always hated it; I was a sheltered teenager who didn’t wear makeup, went to an all girls school and didn’t know how to respond. Also hated “give us a smile, love”, which was probably commoner, since wolf whistling was pretty much confined to builders IME whereas “smile” could be anyone you walked past. I also hated the casual groping - fortunately it was never a workplace problem for me, but finding my driving instructor’s hand on my knee etc was always so embarrassing and difficult to deal with.

I still don’t wear makeup and now have long grey hair, and am fortunately now almost totally invisible, except that very occasionally people offer me seats on the tube. Not sure how sexism and ageism compare overall, though!

PTSDBarbiegirl · 07/09/2024 08:32

If you were in a group it could be amusing but if on your own it was intimidating. If you didn't laugh it could quickly turn aggressive. It happened to me a lot and I was very young. At 13 I had a local guy in his 30s following me around for years in his car. He would appear every so often. When I was 20 he said, 'I used to follow you around in my taxi, you loved it'. You were supposed to be grateful for the salacious stuff and offers of rape. Seriously it's very recent really.

Wishihadanalgorithm · 07/09/2024 08:32

I’m 51. It always made me feel uncomfortable. Even today, I hate walking past builders despite the fact no one is ever going to catcall me again. Maybe it’s the (thought/knowledge?) that the men are still eyeing me up and deciding if I’m worthy?

walking past builders made me feel like I was really under the microscope. Hideous.

ReadWithScepticism · 07/09/2024 08:30

No. It wasn't the norm to enjoy it, whatsoever. Some women enjoyed it, but then some women would enjoy it now.

BeatrizBoniface · 07/09/2024 08:30

CarpetSlipper · 07/09/2024 08:28

I have friends who are 55+ who have told me it was “just what it was like”. I didn’t get the impression they enjoyed it but just that you were supposed to put up with it.

You were.
I think back then there was also a fear of escalation, because of course you weren't believed and you would be blamed.

JaceLancs · 07/09/2024 08:29

I’m 60, never felt it as threatening - usually a compliment - however hated being pawed, groped or one on one letched over which was very common in education and the work place

Sorrelia · 07/09/2024 08:29

Embarrassing but a nice ego boost! And I am 34 so happened in my twenties. Never felt threatening or predatorial to me. Although I must say as I got older it started feeling weirder and weirder and I remember pretending to be on the phone or changing side of the road to avoid it.

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