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AIBU?

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Original poster

For thinking of speaking to this school mum

180 replies

Stickler1 · 07/09/2024 07:51

Yesterday at pick up me and DS heard some boys from his class talking about the school choir that has just been set up. I think there was around 5/6 of them. We heard them saying how they weren’t going and one of them said “I’m not joining the choir because I’m not gay” then came the laughter of the rest of the group.

When we got into the car DS started crying. He said he wanted to join the choir but didn’t now after hearing those comments.

The boys are year 4 so 8/9 years old. I think this kind of talk at this age (or any age actually) is unacceptable. I know who the mum is of the boy who made the gay comment. I was so annoyed yesterday that I was thinking of having a little chat with her on Monday. WIBU to do this?

OP posts:
Jeezitneverends · 07/09/2024 08:39

DeCaray · 07/09/2024 08:37

Tackle your sons lack of self confidence and. build up his resilience to hurty words.

If you speak to the idiot boys mum she will tell her son who will most likely pick on your son who has already shown you that he is vulnerable and susceptible to being bullied.

“Hurty words” and right there we have the reason why kids still come away with site like this, using gay as an insult

PersephonePomegranate23 · 07/09/2024 08:37

Stickler1 · 07/09/2024 08:28

I think I’ll talk to the school instead then. The thing is, and I think this has probably upset DS even more, is that he said he’s not in his “friendship group” and doesn’t hang around with him but they get along with each other.

Edited

Glad you're going to speak to the school.

The stupid thing is, the boy probably doesn't even mean it or have full understanding of what he's saying, he's just showing off in front of his friends. In all likelihood, he's heard an older person spouting it and thinks it's cool.

This kind of talk absolutely has to stop though. It's toxic and a prime example of everyday homophobia being passed down to children.

DeCaray · 07/09/2024 08:37

Tackle your sons lack of self confidence and. build up his resilience to hurty words.

If you speak to the idiot boys mum she will tell her son who will most likely pick on your son who has already shown you that he is vulnerable and susceptible to being bullied.

PTSDBarbiegirl · 07/09/2024 08:36

Tell the head teacher who and what and your sons reaction. Don't approach the parent.

Loopytiles · 07/09/2024 08:36

That’s not at all surprising is it, though, OP, homophobia and stereotyping by DC is sadly not uncommon - DC can pick up shitty ideas at home, school, clubs, online and say stupid things. This DC doing so doesn’t mean they’re horrible in general.

Original poster
Stickler1 · 07/09/2024 08:34

Following on from my last post (posted too soon) he’s not bothered that he’s not in his friendship group, I think it just hurt even more because he’s always gotten along with said boy even though they are two completely different people

OP posts:
TheYearOfSmallThings · 07/09/2024 08:33

I don't understand how football isn't seen as 'gay" by these same kids

My son (9) was playing football in the park with some random kids last week and the one in goal was shouting "If you score a goal you're gay!"

Vettrianofan · 07/09/2024 08:30

bubblesandlight · 07/09/2024 07:52

Speak to the school not the parent

This.

Original poster
Stickler1 · 07/09/2024 08:28

I think I’ll talk to the school instead then. The thing is, and I think this has probably upset DS even more, is that he said he’s not in his “friendship group” and doesn’t hang around with him but they get along with each other.

OP posts:
LlynTegid · 07/09/2024 08:28

Peanutbuttercrumble · 07/09/2024 08:07

Agree speak to school not the mum.

My son is 8 and his auntie is gay, we've always spoken about auntie x being gay positively. Sad to know this still goes on in this day and age for little boys I thought the world had moved on massively from all that.

Some of the music that young people listen to is both misogynistic and homophobic.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 07/09/2024 08:28

pictoosh · 07/09/2024 07:58

No. In your mind she does a little gasp of horror, apologises and says she'll speak to him.
In reality, she'll rear up, defend her son/dismiss you, then tell other people you're a loony.

Exactly this. Always go through the school.

Pinkypinkyplonk · 07/09/2024 08:27

Speak to school, not the mum

LlynTegid · 07/09/2024 08:27

Speak to both the school and the parent, perhaps letting the parent know you are raising this.

VerbenaGirl · 07/09/2024 08:20

Speak to the school so they can put some directed education into place around this.

TeabySea · 07/09/2024 08:20

Definitely speak to the school.
I don't understand how football isn't seen as 'gay" by these same kids; there's always loads of hugging, kissing and leapng on each other in football.
(Do footballers all have the communal bath of the 70s and 80s?)
Also, the kids should know that there's nothing wrong with being gay either.

Londonrach1 · 07/09/2024 08:14

Op in my dd school alot of the boys who play football are in the choir too ..they get biscuits if you join the choir. They are 8/9. As I said before talk to the school...let them deal with it

tonyhawks23 · 07/09/2024 08:09

Yep the school needs to work on this properly.

stanleypops66 · 07/09/2024 08:07

Speak to the teacher not the parent.

Peanutbuttercrumble · 07/09/2024 08:07

Agree speak to school not the mum.

My son is 8 and his auntie is gay, we've always spoken about auntie x being gay positively. Sad to know this still goes on in this day and age for little boys I thought the world had moved on massively from all that.

Original poster
Stickler1 · 07/09/2024 07:58

He said all these boys are in the school football team and are the “popular” (his words) ones. Why is it that all these type of boys are the ones who act like this?

OP posts:
pictoosh · 07/09/2024 07:58

No. In your mind she does a little gasp of horror, apologises and says she'll speak to him.
In reality, she'll rear up, defend her son/dismiss you, then tell other people you're a loony.

FlaggyShore · 07/09/2024 07:57

As pps said, speak to the school.

Pipsquiggle · 07/09/2024 07:55

If she was a close friend, I would talk to her, however, if not, talk to the school.

Such a shame. I hope your DS still goes for the choir.

VickyEadieofThigh · 07/09/2024 07:55

Always address issues through the school.

TwitchyNibbles · 07/09/2024 07:54

Always go through the school

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