For thinking of speaking to this school mum

This kind of attitude does need stamping out and I think if you decide to complain definitely go via school not the mother.

Personally though I would focus this time on teaching your son that there are always people making stupid and nasty comments, sometimes because they are stupid and nasty people, other times because they have got the wrong idea about things or feel insecure themselves. We don’t have to let that affect us. He should join the choir and be confident in his choices regardless of some school yard nonsense.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying we should tolerate or turn a blind eye, just that at the same time we need to learn to be responsible for our own reactions.

I would talk to the school but not name the child, just year group so ideally to the head of year.

Speak to the school, name the child, provide as much detail as possible and let them know how it impacted your child. School choirs often provide money to the school if they’re good and can sell tickets off the back of them - so they’ll want to know if children are blocking other children from joining

If my son was having this kind of ‘banter’ I’d want to know so I could talk to him. It’s not unpolitically correct it’s homophobic. I don’t agree that we should let boys be boys, social progress needs people to step up and refuse to allow this bollocks.

This.

Never speak to the parent.

My 6 year old has been using ‘gay’ negatively which he has learnt at school. I asked him ‘do you know what gay means?’ He said no but it’s bad isn’t it ? So I had to explain to him. I think there are children in his class using it as a negative term when they don’t even know what it means ??? He’s stopped now but I was shocked it’s still being used by children like this I thought that would have died out i remember that sort of thing when I was at school in the 90s

And great comments by @Whippetlovely and @Anywherebuthere

This

I totally agree, the boys were showing off to each other. This is totally normal and as you say it will be worse in seniors. The boys weren't targeting your son that would be another matter entirely.

Agree with previous comments- talking to the mum will not help, hopefully the school will be able to address the issues.

I read an article about Liam Gallagher - he was in his school choir.

You need to speak to the school - “gay” should never be used as an insult or derogatory term, and the school will want to know if this is happening.

Please please please speak to the school. This is something we would want to know and would address as a year group/school thing. It's the beginning of homophobic bullying potentially and needs to be nipped now.

Honestly you need to work on this with your own child. He needs to toughen up and learn not to cry over people's comments.

The world is full of people with different opinions, the quicker children realise this and stop getting upset over it the better it is for them.

Help your child build up resilience and gain the confidence to venture into doing activities on his own even if people around him make comments he isnt happy with.

Speak to the school if you're that bothered but really it's not helpful to children in the long run to be complaining about someones comments. Obviously bullying is a different matter and needs to be dealt with but that's not what's happening here.

I don't say this to undermine yours and your child's feelings. He will hear at lot worse at secondary school. If he hasn't built up resilience by the time he gets there and cries or gets upset over things it will be worse.

Talk to the school. Hopefully they'll have an assembly on 1) homophobia and 2) how sexuality and hobbies/interests are not linked. Just wait until these 8 year olds find out about gay rugby teams, lesbian artistic swimming, and the Gay Games...

They won't stop doing it even though parents and teachers tear their hair out.

They also have different ethnicities, the disabled and those with learning difficulties as targets.

It's horrible but, honestly, they don't mean it.

Baffling idea that singing is gay. Why do all these straight singers end up with foxy models then? Is rugby also gay? Solution is clearly to move to Wales where both singing and rugby are normal manly pursuits.

I have been teaching for twenty years and casual homophobic abuse in schools is currently some of the worst I've ever seen. I'm hearing phrases that I thought we had left behind in the 90s. Absolutely speak to the school. They will take this seriously.

Definitely speak to the school quietly but not the mum.
Your son should totally join the choir!

Your DH is wrong. Speak to the school. This is precisely the kind of thing that needs nipping in the bud while they're still young.
You don't have to say it upset DS, just say you didn't find it acceptable and want them to be aware of it.

How big is this school to have ‘lots’ of trans identifying pupils?

I work in a primary school.

My advice is do nothing.

Please don't speak to the other mum, it never ends well, and you run the risk in future to be on the receiving end of other parents' comments about your child.

Gay is an extremely common 'insult' and school will already be well aware and trying to stamp it out. They will be recording incidents.

Honestly, even the nicest kids say silly things all the time.

Football boys and Netball girls.
I am sure many of them are individually lovely but these are the 2 groups that according to my DC were the unpleasant cliques at their school.

For heaven’s sake how pathetic! Those boys don’t know what they’re talking about. Loada of boys and men sing and aren’t gay! Loads are in choirs and also play football, rugby, run, gym!
I knew a guy who was in a choir and was also in the army! Couldn’t get more masculine if you tried!

Ignore DH, speak to the school.
You don’t have to even reference your own DS, just say that you’d like them to know that you overheard X child referring to something linked to the school as being gay in a derogatory way and they might want to pick up on this with him, or with the wider school, in order to nip it in the bud.

Most likely it’s learned behaviour from their parents